I should stop this. For one thing it’s a colossal time waster. For another, it hurts. I keep coming to OS (that is, when I can actually get on) even though I know exactly what I’m going to find. Or what I’m not going to find: Open Salon the way it used to be.
I’d compare it to the urge to pick at a scab except I can refrain from that; never had any trouble there. This is worse. Coming here time and again, futile effort though it may be, reminds me of the week after my husband died when I’d call his work phone number multiple times a day so I could listen to his message. Hello, this is Keith Feike, I’m unavailable right now... Irrationally hoping I’d get him instead of his voice mail, just one of those times.
After about a week of doing that I made myself stop. I knew sooner or later someone else was going to answer. I didn’t want to be on the line when they did.
Now I’ve got to employ that kind of restraint again.
It’s silly to mourn the protracted death of a blogging site, especially when there are so many other more deserving things to mourn, every single day. Horrible and tragic things. Coming here just to feel bad doesn’t seem a very rational or adult thing to do.
But I can't help but remember when I found OS two years ago. It was like finding an oasis in a desert I’d been lost in for a long time. I couldn’t get enough of it. Every time I came here I felt like some dormant part of my brain, maybe a portion of that 90 percent we supposedly don’t use (in my case 99%) had been illuminated. Turned on. Tuned in.
OS helped fill a void in my life I didn’t even know existed: reading and communicating with intelligent witty creative quirky people any time of the day or night. It was intoxicating.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way; there are plenty of people who’ve been on OS a lot longer than I have. Far more intelligent and more prolific writers than I. If I feel the way I do about it, I can only imagine how they feel.
Intellectually I know everything ends, good and bad. People you love die. Relationships you thought would last forever fade. The job you adore is eliminated. Favorite television shows get canceled, terrific restaurants go out of business. Great blogging sites sputter to a halt.
What happened? I find the older I get the more I ask that question. But I don’t much care about answers. Nothing lasts forever. But I wish OS could have lasted just a little longer.
Still, I'd like to say “thank you” to whomever made this place possible. Thank you for Open Salon. It was really something.
While I’m at it (and given the season) I’d like to thank whomever’s responsible for all the good things that happen in general. Because I believe more good than bad happens in life. Good and doing good is more powerful than bad and even when good things are snuffed out,their positive energy isn’t negated. It’s out there and it multiplies. Maybe not in terms we can immediately comprehend, but in the end good is all there is. I believe it’s true. Now seems as good a time as any to say thank you, for all of it.