Maria Stuart

Maria Stuart
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Howell, Michigan, USA
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February 17
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Maria Stuart is a journalist without a print job who lives with her husband and son in southeast Michigan. She is currently working on Livingstontalk.com, a hyper-local information and conversation site.

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Salon.com
Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 21, 2009 4:11PM

How John Edwards spoiled the Dave Matthews Band for me

Rate: 21 Flag

There isn’t enough room to keep a lot of CDs in my car, so I rotate them in and out. My musical whims are like Michigan’s mercurial weather: they change from moment to moment, mood to mood.

Whimages-5en I was purging my household for my annual yard sale last month, I rediscovered “Under the Table and Dreaming” by the Dave Matthews Band, which was released way back in 1994. Rather than add it to the sale, I put it back in my mobile rotation. I’ve shared favorite tracks like “Ants Marching,” “Warehouse,” and “Jimi Thing,” with my 10-year-old kid who absorbs music like a chubby little sponge.

imagesNow John Edwards has spoiled my enjoyable musical interlude.

News reports say former presidential candidate Edwards will admit he fathered a daughter with Rielle Hunter, the woman who had been producing campaign videos for him.

While awful, that’s not what’s creeping me out. It’s that Edwards may also have promised Hunter a rooftop wedding in New York, complete with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band, according to a story in the New York Times. The paper reports that Andrew Young, the former aide to John Edwards who had originally claimed to be the father of Hunter’s baby girl, wrote in a book proposal that Edwards promised Hunter the marriage ceremony after the death of his wife, Elizabeth Edwards, who suffers from breast cancer and remains very much alive.

The image in my mind’s eye of Edwards and Hunter slow dancing to “Lover Lay Down” (another track on “Under the Table and Dreaming”) by the Dave Matthews Band at their wedding after the death of Elizabeth Edwards haunts me. It makes my stomach hurt.

images-1My wish for Elizabeth Edwards is a long, healthy life after she successfully negotiates a huge divorce settlement from her trial-lawyer husband, leaving him with only the shirt on his back and a cabin with no electricity and indoor plumbing deep in the North Carolina woods.

Can I get an amen?

In this era of high-profile philanderers, “The Good Wife,” a new series starring Julianne Margulies, debuts on Tuesday. Margulies plays the wife of a corrupt politician. Her husband winds up in jail after a scandal that features a prostitute and she resumes her career as a defense attorney to build a new life for herself and her two kids.

Some things about the plot line sound familiar.

We only need to think back to last year when New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer was caught dallying with a high-priced hooker. For days on end, the image of Spitzer at his press conference announcing his resignation, wife at his side, was everywhere.

It was during this time that I was eating in a restaurant alone and eavesdropping on several business women having lunch.

Up for discussion during this particular lunch was Spitzer’s now-infamous resignation announcement from the Empire State’s top elected spot, with his wife, Silda, standing obviously unhappily by his side.

As she stood beside her philandering husband, and the press corps reported to the world on what had to be the most humiliating moment of her life, Silda Spitzer spoke volumes without saying a word; the look on her face said it all. As her husband apologized for his “private failings,” women everywhere felt her deep pain, including the women on whom I was eavesdropping.

“Yeah, I’d be standing by his side,” one said. “With divorce papers.”

“Divorce papers?” another woman said, laughing. “I’d be there with a gun.”

But Silda didn’t choose either of those paths. Instead, she stood by his side. Maybe there’s something in the political spouse handbook requiring unwavering support, no matter the crisis. Maybe she’s a better, more forgiving wife than I.

images-3In my neck of the woods, the wife of former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick dutifully sat by his side during what had to be the most humiliating moments of her life. The mayor was in the midst of the scandal swirling around steamy text messages that confirmed an affair on the taxpayer’s dime with his chief of staff, a scandal that landed him in jail.

images-4Carlita Kilpatrick sat next to her husband, gazing lovingly at him, holding his hand as he gave his mea culpa to the camera. She professed her love for him in a performance that elicited a collective groan in my house.

Are these women part of the phenomenon of making decisions in direct opposition to one’s own best self-interest? Maybe it’s part of the deal; maybe, just maybe, there are few innocent bystanders in the rough-and-tumble world of high-powered politics.

Perhaps sex outside a marriage is something to be expected of “powerful” men, and standing by a straying partner part of a political quid pro quo.

JFK had Marilyn Monroe. Thomas Jefferson had Sally Hemings. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower is rumored to have had an affair, as are other presidents from both parties. And who can forget former President Bill Clinton, who did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.

Is the coupling of sex and power somehow greater than that of love and marriage? Do they go together like a horse and carriage?

Spitzer’s replacement as governor of New York, David Paterson, who made headlines as the nation’s first legally blind governor, confessed that he and his wife had both engaged in extra-marital affairs when their marriage hit a bumpy patch.

Paterson feared blackmail, so he felt it best to bring the indiscretions into the open.

Now we learn that John Edwards allegedly promised his baby mama a wedding featuring an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band.

Because of him, I had to take “Under the Table and Dreaming” out of my car.

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Amen! I had to laugh just reading your title, knowing the reference. Promised rooftop weddings to paramours. I used to like John Edwards. I expect Dave Matthews is none too thrilled, either.
Maria, I understand completely. I can no longer see John Edwards without thinking, "Oh, ick!".

I have never felt that way before about a politician being caught in an indiscretion, but this one just takes dishonest to a whole new level.
You had me with the title. Amen.
I really don't get it. I don't know that divorce is the only answer to infidelity and scandal, but I also don't know what to make of the cheater's wife standing by. I guess I stand in non-judgement, since I will never know the whole story on any of these folks.
promises, promises. that's all I can say. I have a few choice songs I can't listen to anymore.
I missed the trauma of Gary Hart, so John Edwards was the first politician who I'd admired so deeply who let me down so completely.

(And evidently disappointment makes me rhyme)

It's not the cheating that bothers me; that's between him and Elizabeth. It's the lying to the American public that I can't stomach. Of course, I'd hang my Spousal Unit by his thumbs if I ever caught him cheating...
I understand disgust with JE. I understand puzzlement over the way politicians' wives respond to such things (though I figure there's lots of background I don't know about). But I really think you're making a mistake in giving up a good album. If you give up your Dave, the sleazeballs win.
Double amen here. I blame this all on the song "Stand by your Man." I really do. Somehow we think its some sign of deep Christian loyalty. The woman as the martyr. Some BS like that. Its sickening frankly. Very well-written.

"Are these women part of the phenomenon of making decisions in direct opposition to one’s own best self-interest?"

Effin' a!
I once wanted him to be president and now give you all the amens you need. The many many ways he has humiliated a dying woman are unforgivable. Poor Dave Matthews.
Amen.

The "when my wife dies" puts Edwards in a category of despicable all by himself---except for his tramp mistress, who gets herself pregnant knowing that he isn't *just* a married man, he's married to a woman who doesn't need this stress while FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE. Yeah. They deserve each other.

I hope his dick and balls rot off and his mistress's teeth fall out (which I think is perversely perfect).
I so enjoy reading a pro at work. Excellent work, Maria.

Johnny ought to be ashamed, and Dave Matthews should be pissed.
I still cringe when I think I campaigned for that guy the first time he ran. I can't imagine Dave will say yes to that gig!
Please don't stop listening to Dave because of that story. I used to like john Edwards as well, although I never trusted his smile, to me I always thought it was a little fake. May Elizabeth Edwards find a new love she is a fabulous strong beautiful woman. Who ever chose to publish this story is a piece f crap. John and the scarecrow can ride off into the sunset, who really cares about them. I would rather read about Kanye West.
The woman in me is with you, Maria. But the journalist in me kind of mourns the days when this was really none of our business, and politics was about policies and not about the countless politicians who give in to the situational narcissism of power.

Because this is never going to stop. Politicians are not going to stop cheating on their spouses. And if we were going to make our political decisions based on somebody's chastity then that would pretty much leave us Bush and Cheney who destroyed the country, the treasury, and world wide respect for the U.S. But they didn't cheat on their wives.

I'm not trying to defend Edwards on a moral level. But his career was over whether or not this came out. Believe me all this stuff was being talked about behind closed Democrat doors and no one in their right mind was every going to work on a campaign for him again. So why is this guy writing some tell all book? I blame Andrew Young for wrecking Dave Mathews for you, because it's all so unnecessary. What are we learning from this? Never trust anyone no matter how superior their health care policy is compared to any of the other candidates. Be suspicious of pretty hair?

The whole spectacle is nauseating. And I feel deeply sorry for Elizabeth Edwards that she has to be hurt even more than she already has.
I've never liked Dave Matthews anyway, and I concur with Juliet. Hasn't this woman suffered enough?
Except for one problem. While I don't condone the cheating the affair, etc, I have never thought it was anybody's business what public or for that matter anyone does in their private lives.

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

And as for Elizabeth Edwards....she's a bitch.

I got John Edwards number before this story broke because I was working and still am, on a poverty project, and I got his number, after much conving, begging and sending the proposal down to his former law partner in North Carolina to convince him that I'm for real. I have over 11 years of DC experience and over another ten years of real professional business development experience. Despite Edwards screwing around, he was by far the most progressive political candidate on the campaign.

I am also a UNC grad.

The bitch as in St. Elizabeth you defend so staunchly, wouldn't even let me introduce myself or why I was calling, even though I told her where I got the number, let alone put me through to her husband when I called. Trust me. I had NO intentions of sleeping with the man. But the woman is an utter, self interested bitch with no interest in anyone but HERSELF. And quite frankly at least as selfish as he is.

Rather than continue whinging about her awful 30 million dollar life and writing a book about it, and further humiliating her husband (god knows what he went through) while selling out the poor on healthcare insurance, why doesn't Elizabeth Edwards, who's currently planning on opening an upscale furniture store (like that's really going to effect real social change in Chapel Hill, much less anywhere else) and has a habit of harrassing poor neighbors, do something constructive?

Like say, volunteer for the Komen Foundation, like I have, for fifteen years in both DC and Miami, as a corporate volunteer video producer to help raise funds to find a cure for breast cancer...which kills far more minority and poor woman than rich bitch snobs like Elizabeth Edwards.

Get over the soap opera and focus on the real issues ladies.

While I don't condone John Edwards behavior, there's a reason he went fishing in other pools. And let's not forget Elizabeth was as guilty as he was in covering this up for her own ambition.

She's a bitch....and doesn't deserve your pity.
You know there's trouble when you see a politician start holding hands with his wife, eighth-grade sweetheart style.
Damn, even rich snotty bitches who don't deserve pity don't necessarily deserve to have thier impending deaths anticipated with bated breath by their spouse and his mistress either.

I think the post was simply about John Edward's (alleged) lack of common decency to his spouse, and the unwitting part that Dave Mathews played in it.
Wow... so much hostility flying around this subject. At the end of the day it's none of our business. You have no right to pass judgments on my personal life any more than I do yours. But this is SUCH an old tired, simplistic argument let's not bother going in circles. Relationships are complex. That's why there are divorces. Infidelity is older than time. Can we talk about something else now?

rated
Hey, all. Sorry to have been so lax in tending this post. Sometimes life gets in the way. But I am here now and appreciative of the discussion.

Kathy, I think you’re absolutely right about Dave Matthews. Can you imagine how he must be feeling right now?

Jeanette, while I think everyone expects pols to bend the truth to their own whim, this future marriage predicated on the death of the current spouse takes ick to an entirely new level.

Iamsurly, iamglad you read me.

Owl, you are a good person. And not just because you stand in non-judgment on this. You just are.
Ash, I’d hang my spousal unit by something else.

AHP, I may take your advice.

Beth, I am still taken with the idea of no innocent bystanders in politics. Power (and money) does weird things to people. That’s why I’m glad I have neither!
Dorinda, I am with you. It’s nearly impossible to think the great crusader for the poor is promising his mistress a wedding when his wife dies. It’s just too schizophrenic. Can you imagine if his campaign would have gone better?

MAH – Perversely perfect is right!

Mr. Stone – Thanks for the kind words. And I agree with you wholeheartedly.

Melissa – I used to like him as a candidate, too.

Lady Viola – I hope you’re not saying I’m a piece of crap.

Hey, Juliet –You’re right: Bush didn’t cheat on his wife, but he cheated on the American public by fashioning his own version of foreign policy truth. That is unforgiveable.

Emma, I feel incredibly sorry for Elizabeth Edwards. And as a couple, she and John went through unspeakable grief when their son died. She’s had more than her share.

Marguerite, you kind of scare me.

Con, you are one observant person.

Melinda, thanks for understanding of my post.
Ha! Just moments ago, Jay Leno talked about the Dave Matthews Band at the rooftop wedding of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter story. Leno suggested a more appropriate band would be Cheap Trick.
Well, I managed to miss this, but now that I've read this post, I'll have to stop listening as well. At least for awhile.
You've got my "amen".

However, as someone whose 1st husband cheated on her way back when, let me tell you though - if you love a guy, you don't know what you might be willing to put up with to preserve a marriage. I was surprised at myself. Thank God my best efforts didn't work!
I take the topic of this post to be the phenomena of politicians (public) wives standing by cheating husbands NOT how incredibly egocentric Edwards is. I just have to say -- when a family has created a life based on a political career, the wife and kids have a lot to lose if she throws in the towel right off the bat. Mothers have been known to sacrifice everything for the sake of their kids and I don't doubt this is the main reason public wives suffer beside the jackasses.

But wouldn't it be fun if JUST ONCE, the wife would hold the press conference and the cheating public husband had to stand by, silent and stoic and listen to her with cameras flashing and reporters recording every byte of her hurt and outrage!