In Today's Headlines:  "Physicist Stephen Hawing Rejects Heaven or Afterlife as a Fairy Tale"

Story..."http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/05/cosmologist-stephen-hawking-rejects-heaven-or-afterlife-as-a-fairy-story/1  

Sometime last year, the eminent physicist, Stephen Hawking -- you know, the one in  the wheel chair who uses an electronic voice to communicate  (and, no disrespect intended, but the one who, in his younger days, kinda looked like Alfred E. Nemann from MAD Magazine) -- reversed his position on the existence of God...and it pissed me off.

Now, he's back, stirring up the same old controversy and pissing me off all over again, for what I can only think of as a week attempt to give a boost to lagging his book sales.

What makes his motives so suspect?

Well, in his 1988 best-seller, A Brief History of Time, Hawking said: "It would be very difficult to explain why the Universe should have begun in just this way, except as the act of a God who intended to create beings like us…The discovery of a complete theory would be the ultimate triumph of human reason – for then we should know the mind of God."

But in last year's, The Grand Design, he says:  “PHYSICS can explain things without the need for a ‘Benevolent Creator’ who made the Universe for our benefit…Because there is a law such as gravity, the Universe can and will create itself from nothing…‘Spontaneous Creation’ is the reason there is something rather than nothing…It is not necessary to invoke God to set the Universe going.”

What possible reason could Hawking have for such a reversal other than to sell books?  With such a flip-flop, how can we trust him to be straight with us about what he really believes?

I HATE* Stephen Hawking!

I want a God…I NEED a God!!! I’m a baby boomer…I’m now on the frontline of mortality…I have a vested interest  in an After Life!!

Arrggghhhhh....Stephen Hawking!!!

I’d like to give HIM a “Big Bang”  all right…and not in a GOOD way…but in a smack him upside the head kinda way. 

Because an actress and comedienne, I’d like to think that even if I don’t get to be on Leno or Letterman in THIS life, someday, when I get to that “Big Tonight Show in the Sky,” I’m gonna do my stand-up act for all the angels and saints...and they’re gonna be laughin’ their asses off...and Johnnie Carson is gonna invite me to come sit down on the couch next to him and leer at my cleavage… (Because I will also have bigger boobs in the After Life…Why not? Water into wine… B’s into C’s…Why shouldn’t MY cup runneth over?)    

Arrrgghhhhh.....           

Ya know, Stephen Hawking has a lotta nerve denying the existence of God.  Because, in reality, he’s been living on borrowed time for more than 40 years, now.  He was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease in his early twenties with  a prognosis that he wouldn’t live past 30…and now he’s 69!!!  In no small part, I betcha, to all the people who've been PRAYING for him!

See, that’s the problem.  He probably figures that time is running out on HIS MIRACLE, so now, he wants to deny the possibility of a miracle to anybody else!!!  Kinda like when your older brother caught mommy and daddy hiding the presents in the closet, so he told you there was no Santa Claus, just to f--- up YOUR Christmas!!!

And that’s why I hate* Stephen Hawking.

*(Father, please forgive me...but I don't mean it literally, I'm only using it as a metaphor.  I'm sure you understand...but just in case, I'm going to say 5 Hail Mary's, 2 Glory Be's, make a good Act of Contrition...and light a candle that those Jersey Shore people don't defile the Vatican while they're in Italy.)  Amen.