MY SMACKDOWN, STRAIGHT-TALKIN' HERO OF THE DAY: DAVID M. ON YAHOO! ANSWERS
I HAVE HAD IT. ENOUGH!
I give today's post up to one David M., and the tireless work of the Freedom From Religion Foundation. I found this printed in their newspaper Freethought Today, and am reprinting it here unaltered.
Yahoo! Answers: How to save your child from atheism
(Yahoo! Answers lets readers online ask questions which other readers respond to.)
Q: What is the best way to stop your child from becoming an athiest [sic]? I don't want any of my children to be punished by God.
A: David M. --
Do not educate them, or expose them to critical thinking, logic, or science. Lie to them constantly about how the world works. Feed them a steady diet of mumbo jumbo dressed up like real knowledge -- the [creationist] jumbo jet in the whirlwind, for example -- and pretend that it is deep wisdom.
Make them loathe their own natural bodies and functions. Convince them they are small and weak and worthless and need redemption. Tell them everything enjoyable is grievously wrong to even think about, and that their only fun should be in groveling to an invisible friend.
Ensure that they resent anyone who is not like them in every way -- skin color, nationality, political opinion but especially creed. Make such people out to be evil and vile and give them -- impotent minorities all -- the fictional power to somehow oppress and persecute the vast majority who do think like you.
Teach them to laugh at and dismiss out of hand any faith but their own. Early -- early, mind you -- make sure they are taught the differences between superstitious deadly error -- that one raving lunatic in the desert told the truth about a vicious god who killed people, and divine eternal truth -- that another raving lunatic in the desert told the truth about a vicious god who killed people.
Instruct them with all severity and import to never question for themselves -- to never think for themselves -- to never live for themselves -- but to seek answers only in one -- just one -- particular set of semi-literate Bronze Age folk tales.
Above all, and this cannot be over-emphasized, make sure they cannot spell, use correct grammar or understand basic English words.
That should do the trick.