YOU HAD ME AT "HA"!

from HOPE to HARPO - my love affair with funny!

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
Location
los angeles, California,
Birthday
July 03
Bio
Marilyn Sands is a Former 80's Stand-up Comic, her Essays can be found on salon.com & her unsold Screenplays in her Top Drawer...next to the hard liquor! "Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha All my Articles are Copyrighted & yes, I'll know!

Marilyn Sands's Links

TOP TEN THINGS...
MARILYN monroe, Inc.
STONE AGE vs TODAY
2016 1st WOMAN PRESIDENT!
"PET RUN With HAPPY HOUR"!
OPEN AT YOUR OWN RISK!
"HOLIDAYS"....THANKSGIVING
CHRISTMAS
VALENTINE'S DAY
ST. PATRICK'S DAY
BOOK REVIEWS
EP or BUST! ha ha
NOSTALGIA
OPEN SALON Uncensored
OLDIE BUT GOODIE
Ima FLY ON THE WALL
HUMP DAY...Office Shananigans
...HAPPILY EVER AFTER
IN FICTION...THERE'S ALWAYS NEW BEGINNINGS!
MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC!
BEING A STAND-UP COMIC After 40
MY FAVORITE LINE in an Article
END OF YEAR SPECIAL
DON KNOTTS DAUGHTER: "Tied Up In Knotts"
NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT SCHOOL SHOOTING, COLORADO ET AL
"FAVORITE SCENE IN A MOVIE
PILLOW TALK - Scripted
THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES 2012
THE MATING GAME
NOBODY HERE BUT US CHICKENS
BO OBAMA
OS WEEKEND FICTION
THE ELUSIVE EP
JOHN BOEHNER
MITT ROMNEY
NEWT GINGRICH
RICK PERRY
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'
YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP - On Line DATING STRAIGHT LINES Copyright 2012
RECOMMENDED BY ZAGAT
POLITICS AS USUAL
THINKING OUT OF THE BOX
NON-PARTISAN POLITICS ha ha
SARAH PALIN
MICHELE BACHMANN
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
IN A CLASS ALL IT'S OWN
RICK SANTORUM
VENTS R US
I LOVE THE MOVIES
PERSONAL FAVS
VISUAL CANDY
BATHROOM READING
Shh...IT'S PERSONAL!
ARNOLD SCHWARTENEGGER
ANTHONY WEINER
CHARLIE SHEEN
NO COMEDY ZONE

 

Third Pillow to the left is where I sat with my laptop churning out "On The s.O.S Lifeboat Left to Play with our DINGY'S"!

 

This is where I wrote "VIBRATORS...You don't have to Cook them Breakfast"! 

 

This is where my Wednesday Writer's Group sitRead full post »

AUGUST 18, 2014 3:02PM

"HUNG UP ON JUNG & FREUDIAN SLIPS"!

 

I don't know about you but - the last time I wore a Slip I was at the "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof" Revival.  It was a lot like "The Rocky Horror Show" turnouts where everybody dressed up & 1/2 Slips were Welcome!

Well, it's not that kind ofRead full post »

 

No Comedy Zone 

 There's no greater compliment than to have someone do you - I mean an Impression of you & then you know - you've made it!

In the 1990's at "The Comedy Store" in L.A., I saw Roger Kabler do lots of Impressions on stage; but the oneRead full post »

An Exposè

     We Scribes love the idea of a Salon - bringing aesthetic thoughts of the literati of Paris, Italy & the legendary 1920's NYC Algonquin Round Table...well, it's nothing like that!

For one, we sit around in our Pajamas & Boxers like every other redRead full post »

AUGUST 6, 2014 11:21PM

"My DATE With An ISRAELI"!

Don't worry - it's not gonna happen!

Oh, there's nothing wrong with Jews or Israeli's; I broke bread with many of them.  Well, with my Cooking; it's inevitable!  But Plates too?

As you may know, I've been on a few Dating Sites & get regular visits on my Profile Pic fromRead full post »

JULY 30, 2014 2:33PM

"PARDON MY FRENCH"!

 Brigitte Bardot

And I don't mean "Merde" & "Screwè Vous"!

To be honest, the only thing I remember about my High School French is "Voulez vous coucher avec moi" - but enough about me & my 12 Step!

Okay, now it's all coming back:

A Menage a trois - means you'llRead full post »

It's no news to Israeli's that when wars start - Tourism suffers & so it goes...

An old married couple...their Falafel Stand in Tel Aviv 

Satirized, of course... 

                   ARI

I mRead full post »

JULY 18, 2014 6:20PM

"The Fine Art Of PEOPLE WATCHING"

  

  

Everybody knows "The Park Bench" is the quintessential Box Seat of this amoral pastime; but that's so bourgeois, isn't it?  It's like the Missionary Position for Sex being the only one that will do the trick. 

 A way to get out of your he/Read full post »

 

 CLARK KENT did it...so did SUPERWOMAN, Hillary Clinton do it!  She did it many times becoming not just a President's Wife, but a Senator & Secretary of State...and she didn't even have to take Shorthand or make Cookies! 

To me - "Identity Theft" is notRead full post »

Comic:  Where you from?
Heckler:  New Jersey.
Comic:  What Exit?

 

4 Young Men from the wrong side of the tracks in New Jersey come together to form the iconic 1960's Rock Group "The Four Seasons"

I didn't see the Tony Award Hit Broadway Show; but almost did with the TourinRead full post »

10.  "I THINK I'LL TAKE THE BENZ TODAY"!

9. "I HATE PIZZA"! 

8.  "AND, IT WAS MY FIRST LOTTO TICKET"! 

7.  "I'LL TAKE 3 SCOOPS"!

6.  MEL BROOKS & I....!

5.  WITH GREAT WEALTH COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY"! 

4.  "NO, MY HAIR WON'T FRIZZ-UPRead full post »

 

In keeping with my sleepover trips to Movie Locations - I too, stayed at "The Del" - that's the gorgeous Victorian seaside Hotel Del Coronado in San Diego where "Some Like It Hot" was filmed.

 This time only for 1 Night for financial reasons.  It's all in the AffadavidRead full post »

Favorite Scene in a Movie #10 

 Somewhere in Time Poster Movie 11x17 Christopher Reeve Jane Seymour Christopher Plummer

In 1980, I was so captivated by this Romantic Movie starring Christopher Reeve & Jane Seymour - that in the 90's - I had to stay at "The Grand Hotel" on Mackinac Island where it was filmed!

Don't get me wrong - I also likedRead full post »

MAY 21, 2014 6:21PM

"FADING GIGOLO" Gives Good WOOD!

  Fading Gigolo
   
That's Woody Allen in a non-Director/Writer Role in one of those quirky gems that don't come around often.  Thank goodness he isn't the Gigolo or we may all give up Sex - but it's John Turturro who gets the Honor. Read full post »

I'm all for Solutions - and here we OpenSaloners have an opportunity not to just experience the wonders of New Jersey - but to kill 2 Birds with 1 Stone...Gerald Andersen & any one of the Birds in his Feeder!

Is he laughing?

The Beauty Part would be - we'd be onRead full post »

And I thought having a little Home Game of Texas Hold 'em in the Basement was illegal!

I don't know if your Hamlet, Town, City, State, Country has "Meet-Up Groups" from the Internet; but L.A. sure has 'em & they are as kookie as they come!

Launched in 2002; there areRead full post »

That's right; I've decided to take Monica Lewinsky out of her misery & have my way with this President!

I'll knock Monica off the Front Pages of Newspapers, Gossip Rags, Internet, Twitter & Comedian's Lips!

You see, I'm just like that "1st Gentleman-In-Waiting" who once said, "I feel your PaiRead full post »

You see, I had to save this - it's a moment in time that can never be relived - well...except if squirreled away to read & reread when needing a smile & a lift I can't get from any Pill I know!

And so I kept this reminder that I was youngRead full post »

MAY 3, 2014 11:10AM

"DYNAMITE IN THE SACK"!

What the heck does "Dynamite in the Sack" mean? 

I hear that phrase bandied about & I'm wondering if I am or how many copies of "Cosmo" do I have to buy to get it!

Since I'm only guessing - here's my TOP TEN Uni-List, you know...could be a ManRead full post »

....But Can't! 

Ocean City, Maryland

In our late, late teens, one of my best pals, Ginny and I got the bright idea to drive from D.C. down to Ocean City for the 4th of July Weekend with no Room Reservations.  

Surprise, surprise - we couldn't find 1 Room in a HotelRead full post »

venice crowds1 

So yesterday - I drove a mile & a half to my Free Secret Parking Spot & then walked to the Beach & the first thing I saw was a guy holding a Sign:

"$1 TO SLAP MY FACE"!

...I had to write this article!

You see - all yourRead full post »

summer1 

This delicious 1971 Coming of Age Blockbuster is based on the nostalgic Memoirs of Screenwriter Herman Raucher that can still arouse the yearnings of romance of a warm summer's day - whether it be 1942 or 2014.

It stars radiant Jennifer O'Neill as Dorothy & gifted Gary Grimes as HerRead full post »

stone7  

It came to me that there's a big divide between what WE have to keep in our noggins & what The Neanderthals had to keep in theirs!

TODAY - when we are born, we are slapped with a SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER - then we have to memorize it until theRead full post »

APRIL 11, 2014 5:05PM

PORN - "I'll Know It When I See It"!

In yesterday's L.A. Times "Dear Amy" Advice Column...(you know it used to be Dear Abby) this letter & response got me thinking about what most women AND men think of how the proliferation of available Pornography effects male's perception of females & how they should be treated.

"SON'S PORN DRead full post »

In my 2011 Open Salon article "My Dinner For 20" Open Call - I chose Comic John Pinette as one of my Guests at my Table.

He would've taken 2 Seats but I've always loved his performances whether it was at a Comedy Club, TV or the Movies.  So when I heardRead full post »