Take my last flight....please! The Movie was only in Spanish & I swear we didn't fly over Mexico, New Mexico or......L.A.!
Outsourced...nah! Hijacked to Cabos? Fat Chance!
"They" said, "The English" audio was not working & no one I asked had a screw driver and handbook - so yes Mom, I get it now - "What are you gonna do with all that "French"?
But then again;, how can they explain the smeared Bean Dip on the Pilots Instrument Panel? How do I know? There was no food, nor 1 nut to be found & the smell of anything on board made me part Canine.
What else is there to do with no Movie & no Condoms? How do I know? That's another article!
Of course it was a no smoking flight - I guess they don't count 1st Class' "Bananas Flambe"!
I'm telling you; they're spoiled. Some kid up there had Sparklers on his damn Birthday Cake! Next thing you know, they'll have Glass Blowing Demonstrations!
Would you believe; once I was on an "All Honeymoon Flight" and there were still babies crying?
In fact, before this flight the Pilot announced, "We don't have a crying baby - we can't take off"!
But my dream is a 1st Class Ticket someday; just my luck...they'll be richer babies crying!
I guess I'll always be coach. And they sure know how to rub it in; the last time they put a sign on the curtain...No Soliciting!
Hey, don't worry; I'm not even thinking of trying to sell you Girl Scout Cookies or Aluminum Siding at 30,000 feet! You're not going to slam that curtain in my face.
But everyone has horror stories, and that's not counting getting scared to death by the Monster in the mirror in the "John". Or maybe it's just me!
But who in the world designed airplane bathrooms ...Herve Villichaze? No wonder he kept on saying - "De Plane, De Plane"!
But one thing is sure; we spend too much time on the Runway; that's why a Social Director came on board and we played "Bowling For 1st Class".
And "Charades" - I was good at that. I guessed: "There are no Flotation Devices on this plane"!
And don't you think they should weigh everybody before they get on? I didn't think so.
Well, I wrote the Airline that they should make one big seat, get rid of the arm rests and then put one fat guy with one thin guy. I haven't heard from them yet!
The Airline? As they say, I don't want to give them any publicity & besides I don't want to interrupt their "mojo"; they're still working out the kinks to open a pretzel bag without having a Ph.D!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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