Getting married to a guy who doesn't let you know he's a Poker Player is like never telling you he had a sexy 1st wife!
That's right; they keep their Lays, Bowling Scores & Poker Hands "Close to the Vest"!
Early in our marriage, my husband started to have monthly home games; where I hovered over the men with my culinary favors like "Snow White & The Seven Poker Players".
And on occasion; would give "Felix" from "The Odd Couple" a run for his money; in Petit Fours alone!
Once, I showed up with Goodies at another Player's house! Was his wife surprised! I told her; I'm like the Bank Robber, Willie Sutton, who, when asked why he does it, said "That's where the money is"!
She was not amused. And neither was Vinnie, Paulie, Marco, Big Mike, Schlomo, Helmut or Thor!
I slithered away, taking their Personalized Cup Cakes back home; eating one after the other - running 6 Red Lights & then got pulled over with Confectionary Sugar up my nose!
When Bob heard about it; he read me The Riot Act - so the next time it was at our house, I stationed myself two rooms away; but could still hear the distinct sounds of the home game:
The Clicking of the Chips, the Grousing, the Boasting, the Pot raked in, the Walks to the Fridge, the Trips to the John, the Night's Accounting at the door, and that one guy who mistakes the Front Porch for the John!
Feeling a bit rejected & just to test him; once I walked by the Poker Table all dressed up and announced I was going out to play with the guys.
Of course, no one heard me because someone just won; and all I heard was "Joe pulled that Queen out of his butt"!
Later, just as their game broke up; I came into the house with my blouse undone, my hat askew, and smeared lipstick. We didn't have too many Poker Nights at our house after that!
It's common knowledge that "Home Games" are a lot like Marijuana; it leads to the "Hard Stuff". So it wasn't long before Bob took me to The Casinos in New Jersey; and I would sit beside him while he played Poker.
I would help him. Once, I said, "Put those together - you have 2 of them". The Table liked me"!
Then I asked, "Does a Straight beat a Flush, or the other way around"? And my husband handed me $50, and said "Go powder your nose".
Where's the Boardwalk; I'm going shopping! But first, where is The Exit out of the Casino? And the Clocks? Who am I kidding; get me a Calendar!
Boy, did this place change. Didn't Atlantic City use to have a Beach? Now when they use a Metal Detector, it moves in the direction of The Casinos! Beep, beep, beep!
It's unreal; even The Lifeguards make change!
And just like the dozen T-shirts I just bought - give me a break, "Buy 10 get 2 free" - they all say, "Just another day in Para-dice"!
Sure, I tried my luck. Have you noticed how excited we get when we put in 3 Coins & get back 2?
Well that gets old, doesn't it? To make a short story short; I had $10 left & decided to sit down at a Blackjack Table for the first time.
A minute later - I was sittng at a Bar asking for free Cherries!
And People Watch - well actually the saddest place to do that; mainly me - I was on my 4th Water & Lemon!
Well Gals; you know the drill - it was time to look in & collect my Poker Player. When I got there, I looked over at his stack of chips, then looked at the other's chips and went out on the Boardwalk and wrote out a Sign:
"POKER WIDOW" - Will Settle For SMOKER, DRINKER, WOMANIZER!
It's true; I wrote the Sign; but went back in again! Hey, I feel really needed when he elbows me in my side, and says, "Give me the money I told you not to give me"!
Yes, there's a name for that - you know which one -
Enab....No, Co-depen....No,
"Nuts"!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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