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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
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July 03
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Marilyn Sands is a Former 80's Stand-up Comic, her Essays can be found on salon.com & her unsold Screenplays in her Top Drawer...next to the hard liquor! "Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha All my Articles are Copyrighted & yes, I'll know!

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AUGUST 9, 2010 3:18PM

CHEMISTRY 101.......lol "Adam & Eve"

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     Not too many people know this but - Adam & Eve didn't have "Chemistry"!  It's true.  It was God's way of saying, "Curb Some Enthusiasm".   He knew what he was doing. 

Most people just assumed The Original Two couldn't keep their hands off each other; not so. 

I happen to have a lost transcript from DAY 1 - SCENE 1; found at "The Antiques Road Show" that proves my point.

ADAM..... "Edith"?                                                   

EVE (under her breath) ... "I pressed my Leaf  for this"?

EVE....It's EVE"!

ADAM  (annoyed)......"Well, EVE - you're blocking the Sun"!    

EVE  (raising her hand)...."Check"!

ADAM......"G-date"?

EVE........."Who else"?

ADAM....."You don't look like your picture".

EVE........"Well, it was hand drawn"! 

EVE......."Jewish"?

ADAM  (looks down & swallows hard)...."Not yet"!

EVE........"Well, when you know for sure...."

ADAM  (under his breath)..."Now I know what B.C. stands for"!

ADAM  (proudly) ..."I made "Fire" this morning"!

EVE  (under her breath) ..."Oh good; now he's gonna want applause for Bowel Movements"!

Eve points to a tree with a Heart carved out with the words "ADAM LOVES LILITH" on it.

ADAM ....."It's a joke - can't you take a little ribbing?

EVE........"You came from my Rib"! 

ADAM....."Personally, I just love "The Big Bang Theory".

EVE........"Oh great - a Wonk"!

ADAM...."Am I going to have "A Happy Ending"?

EVE....."Don't you mean "we"?  It all depends on "The Editor"...& all mankind! 

ADAM......"Family"?

EVE........."Give me 9 months"!

EVE......."I was thinking of Baby names...Cain for a boy &.....Abigail".

ADAM...."Whoa!  What's a baby"?

EVE....."I don't know either - but it just can't be just us".

ADAM...."Why not"?

EVE......"Well for one...there has to be a Census Taker & Politicians... bothered with the Paparazzi yet"?

ADAM..."You mean the Gnats down by the brook?   Everytime I turn over a new leaf - they're right there"!

ADAM..."Want an apple"?

EVE...."No - I don't know where it's been."

ADAM (pointing)..."No, see..."FRESH FORBIDDEN FRUIT" - it still has a Sticker"!

Adam puts the Apple to his mouth.

EVE....."Don't ea..."!

ADAM..."Okay, okay; I'll wash it down by the brook".

ADAM...."Virgin"?

EVE  (laughs)  ..."Ha ha ha.  This isn't my first Rodeo"!

ADAM (confused) ..."I don't follow you".

EVE......"You will"!

ADAM (feeling ambushed)..."No, no"!  I watch Sports & more Sports: "Squirrels against Skunks", "Locusts against Lightning Bugs"...a Night Game"!

EVE..."I'm not your type"?

ADAM..."If you don't mind - I'll wait for the next date-abase from "The Man".

EVE...."I hate to be the one to tell you - but He's not coming back"!

ADAM..."Oh well, "Nobody's Perfect"!

                                                      ***

® All Rights Reserved Marilyn Sands 2010

 

 

                                                  

 

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