Yes, the Title is "Better Than Sex" because that's how I got you to read it! Actually, my article is about "The Dewey Decimal System & How We Should Bring It Back". See, you'd never read it!
There's nothing better than sex! So with that in mind; the next best thing is laughter. Anyway, everyone knows Sex sells - but laughter is priceless! Author-Researcher Norman Cousins once said, "Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors". I couldn't have said it better. Funnier, yes; but not better! ha ha
What "Cousins" didn't tell us is; it takes multiple laughs to give you the endorphin high - like the length of a "Three Stooges 1/2 hour film Short or 15 minutes of Levi Johnston!
I want to make this perfectly clear; you should never try to "Wish" on "A Funny Bone"! After all; we're not Cannibals salivating for our next Course. Just humor me for a minute:
YOUNG CANNIBAL: "I don't like Grandma".
MOTHER: "Well then; eat your Vegetables"!
Is that what you call humoring me? You should be happy I didn't pull out one of my old Dahmer Jokes!
The truth is everyone is born with a funny bone. It's not on your elbow or behind a zipper - but it's waiting for you to take it out & in turn; will pay you back when you need it the most: at the DMV!
In the meantime, you may want to go to one of those "Humor Impaired Anonymous" meetings. But don't be turned off by the quibbling you hear from:
"The Anals" going around asking "Funny Peculiar" or "Funny Ha ha"?,
"The Intellectuals" expounding "If you realize you are laughing - you're not laughing enough",
or "The Preverts" following women around with "CHUCKLES" Candy Bar: "Wanna laugh little girl"?
But Society is funny about when we laugh - we can't laugh at a Funeral, a Wedding, an ugly baby or during sex! I can contain myself for most of those; but when it came to sex; I could never keep a straight face. Yes, it's in the past tense & no; I don't want to talk about it!
But please don't try to contact me if one day you can't stop laughing. I wouldn't know what to do; and Mr. Cousins is dead! It's your own fault; you didn't pace yourself. I said multiple laughs is the goal; not a raging Rubber Room Escapee.
Here's an old joke in the public domain to tell at The Church Picnic!
On hearing her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went to her 95 year old grandmother to comfort her.
She said "He had a heart attack while making love on Sunday morning". Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the Church Bells would start to ring".
"It was the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong".
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And, if that damned Ice Cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today"!
* Was it good for you? Now, don't you want to laugh...again & again & again? You need 20 minutes? No problem; I'll just go & wash out some Unmentionables....my Rubber Chicken, Banana Skins & Chattering Teeth!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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