Just like "Samson" when he got sheared at "The Hair Cuttery"; Tiger's game is off & so are his women!
Yes, Tiger's number is up! Literally! And I, #36 have waited; now I want my say.
After the Headline: "TIGER ESCAPES ZOO....short leash to follow" & the sh*t hit the Sports Fans - I cooled my round heels.
He found me on an "Over 50 Dating" site a week before he hit the tree. That makes me "The Last"!
After me; as they say - he wanted to get caught!
I was looking for someone who loves to walk, can drive, knows the score, belongs to a club & reminds me of "Bogie".
I know, I know...it gets worse! Before long; I had a Tiger in my Tank Top!
What did I tell you?
Don't blame me - I tried to discourage him from this Match - I said, I have that embarrassing Disorder. At Golf, I yell "Whore"!
Don't worry; it's almost over!
Now, I figured it was safe to come out; and he needs me. For God's sake; I was nurturing - I bagged his lunch, ironed his jock strap - even washed his ball-TIMORE Orioles Cap!
Some of these I do just for me!
And the Divorce settlement is....Drum Roll....$750 Million! And that's after taxes!
Let's see; I say I'm number 36 - the Enquirer says there were 121. Figure in his Handicap....you get.....minus $750!
Originally, it was $833 Million. Give the girl a break! In return; his Ex can never speak publicly about what happened but - there will be a Book!
No writing on the pages - and - it will sell!
And it's not true; that no one around him didn't know anything about it.
Anybody that's played Golf knows - The Caddie pays attention to everything. They know which way the wind is blowing, where the balls lie & "the weather" - yeah, whether the wife will be hot or cold when you get home!
I'm not one to kick someone when they're down - but I'd like another chance with him - when he's up again! ha ha
He ought to have a couple bucks left for Miniature Golf!
Oh no; I'm not dissing him; I heard ...now they have Caddies!
I know "he's good for it"; besides, you know what they say - the first $750 Million is the hardest!
UPDATE: In 2 days, Tiger's wife's interiew in People Magazine hits the Stands! She says it's her one & only interview. She wanted people to know 3 things:
1) I didn't hit him with a 9 Iron - it was a Putter!
2) The car he crashed wasn't an "Escalade" - it was the kid's "Hello Kitty" Trike-mobile!
And 3) He didn't run out of the house naked - he had socks on!
As they say "In the Business" - "Too Soon"?
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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