The Tagline for the 1995 Comedy, "Jury Duty" said it all:
"FOR TRUTH. FOR JUSTICE. FOR 5 BUCKS A DAY"!
But then I thought about my Civic duty, the camaraderie & the Article I could sell - but not in that order.
Besides, as a former Stand-up Comic; being chosen for an L.A. Jury would be like going on an Audition in Hollywood: "Pick me, pick me"!
And if I didn't make "Juror:, maybe I could be an Alternate - an Understudy! Oh, I'll do fine; I always land on my knees!
You see, I heard if you "Go to Chambers"; there are perks. Before I try out - I'll use the Jury Pool, get a rubdown while I wait for a "Call Back" - and there is the Sidebar!
Well, reality set in when about 400 of us came together on the 11th floor of the Criminal Courthouse. A Comic-Wannabe-Judge came in trying to break: The 7 AM #%&&@! Downtown-Rush-Hour-Traffic-Ice with: "Is there anyone here who came in off the street & just thought it would be fun"?
Too bad they strip-searched me for guns! Oh, they don't really do that - I insisted!
After sitting all day waiting for our names to be called, I just knew by the boredom vibe, that we were all quietly contemplating Running to the border, Planning a Panic Attack or Fantasizing about having a lunchtime affair with the guy reading "Fortune" Magazine - or maybe it was just me!
At every new Announcement of a Panel being chosen; the rest of us leftovers were starting to feel like the dregs of society. But then again - maybe it was just me!
I've been sitting here so long; when I go in - I want to at least see a Bloody Glove! Okay, a habeas corpus!
Yikes, there's my name. "Here"! Could they work with me if I didn't want the defendant to be found guilty because he was cute?
Would they laugh at me if I told the Judge "I'll be right back; I just had Coffee & a Bran Muffin"?
And what's more important; would I want these people to be on my Jury?
The presiding Judge interviewed us on our "Conflict of Interest" - this must be the Entertainment Portion of the day for the Court - like when the Judge asked a guy's name; he said "I don't recall"!
Another guy asked the Judge, "Did you see "Liar, Liar"?
And one guy backed out of the Jury Box and looked down at the Want Ads & said,
"Oops, is this "Looking for a well-hung Jury"?
The rest is all a blur because I was charged with "High-Fiving the Defendant", "Playing "Hangman" with the Bailiff & you guessed it - "The Bran Muffin"!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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