With New Yorkers terrified of the Bed Bug scare - I thought now they'd be longing for "the good old days" - when the City was filled with friendly long-tailed vermin! So, I dusted off my Broadway Script, prayed to Disney & hope it's a hit! It may seen short - but with - The sitting on the Tarmac, The Stop in Cleveland & The Babies Crying - you'll be glad you're there!
"RATS" The Musical
BRAD & PEACH PITT - two New York Rats with a Movie Script strapped to their underbellies, hide in an Airline Baggage Cargo Bin on a flight to L.A.
With nothing to do but admire Louis Vuitton Bags, and Place Bets on Lost Luggage, they scratch & sniff for sustenance before they procreate like Rabbits. Bored with sex with just Brad, Peach is entertained by THE CAPTAIN'S private conversation unknowingly transmitted into the Cargo Hold.
THE CAPTAIN talks to CO-PILOT.
CAPTAIN: How about those New York broads? Mine had some Big Apples!
PEACH laughs.
CO-PILOT: Mine was over & out!
PEACH wakes BRAD having an "After Sex Moment".
PEACH: Listen to this. It's better than Hillary's Basement in Chappaqua!
THE CAPTAIN speaks to the CO-PILOT
CAPTAIN: So she couldn't drink a second "Cosmo"?
CO-PILOT: They're stronger in New York - must be the water; like the Pizza.
CAPTAIN: Try to get real Pizza in L.A.?
CO-PILOT: I've come close - but I had to take off the Beans & Salsa!
THE CAPTAIN rummages through his Junk Drawer.
CAPTAIN: I had "Cheese Strings" here somewhere.
CO-PILOT: Try The Black Box!
CAPTAIN: Shh. That's full of Twinkies!
CO-PILOT: I wouldn't rat you out.
THE PLANE rocks & rolls!
CAPTAIN: If anyone asks "Were you Sleeping or Drinking"?
CAPTAIN: Press the Thingamabob!
CO-PILOT: The what?
CAPTAIN: The Hoo-ha!
CO-PILOT: You sure you don't have jet lag from the "Red Eye"?
CAPTAIN: Fix your hair - we got "Hanger Groupies" waiting for us ... Crash or No-Crash!
THE CAPTAIN speaks on the Intercom to the Passengers.
CAPTAIN: We're experiencing a little turbulence. The Flight Attendants will be handing out our last bag of Nuts & Rosaries!
Down in Cargo Hold, PEACH begins to hyperventilate.
BRAD: Calm down, we're lucky to have these Seats.
PEACH: I told you - 2 Aisles!
BRAD: What are you talkin' about - with those Whiskers; we wouldn't have made it through Security! Hold onto my tail!
PEACH: Not now Brad....I'm nauseous!
When THE BAGGAGE HANDLERS removed the luggage in L.A. THE TWO RATS exit without any shrieking of Personnel or disruption in service. Luckily, they had gotten into a few suitcases - scurrying out of the plane unnoticed in Dolce&Gabbana Threads & No Socks!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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