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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
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July 03
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Marilyn Sands is a Former 80's Stand-up Comic, her Essays can be found on salon.com & her unsold Screenplays in her Top Drawer...next to the hard liquor! "Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha All my Articles are Copyrighted & yes, I'll know! ha ha

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NO COMEDY ZONE
NOVEMBER 1, 2010 11:32PM

love@60.lol "Date-abase Shuffle"

Rate: 0 Flag

Episode #2    

"I want nice legs, a tight tush & both boobs in the front"!    

     While perusing the Dating Profiles for Mr. Right - I've found a lot of Mr. Wrong's:  

"I like to sleep with the Bedroom pitch black... under goose-down Comforter Winter-Weight'!  

He doesn't want a woman - he needs to go to "Bed, Bath & Beyond"!    

     "I would like to have passion in the bed at least 3 times per week minimum - under normal circumstances"!  Accountant? 

You be the Judge - I just know he alphabetizes his Spice Rack!

     One guy said he was widowed after 36 years of marriage & remarried 3 years later. 

And we complain about "Freezer Burn"!     

     And the guy who was recently divorced for the 2nd time from the same woman...

He doesn't need a Date; he needs "A Page Turner"! 

Can you imagine the 2nd Honeymoon?  

"I thought you were a Virgin"!

     Talk about brazen!  The guy on my Screen right now has a Wedding Ring on! 

Either his wife Super-glued it while he was sleeping - and he wants to attrack A Welder - or he forgot he was married & sticking to that story!

     One poor fellow took his Photo lying down on a pillow just so his face would look thinner! 

Well, he didn't fool me or his Cat; I heard it gave "a thumbs down" and then hung itself!

     And a  real Red Flag Warning: 

"Looking for heart pounding passion who knows my substantial sexual cravings.  I tend to be highly secretive, strong willed & intensely emotional"!  

I'm telling you folks; "Word for Word"!

     Here's another that belongs on my "No Fly List" - "Never married & have no children - but I had a brother who was murdered"! 

Is it just me; or did "Lesbian Numbers" just go up?

     But my favorite is, "I want a Female Version of me"! 

This guy must have won The Guiness World Record for "Masturbation"! 

     As for the Kazillion Dog Lovers out there; I want to be the one that's "Fetching", okay? 

And guys, next time; think of the woman getting turned off when you Post a Photo of you & "Kimchi" in bed ...

she's either thinking you have fleas, or worse - she'll never get any Covers!

 

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