"I want nice legs, a tight tush & both boobs in the front"!
While perusing the Dating Profiles for Mr. Right - I've found a lot of Mr. Wrong's:
"I like to sleep with the Bedroom pitch black... under goose-down Comforter Winter-Weight'!
He doesn't want a woman - he needs to go to "Bed, Bath & Beyond"!
"I would like to have passion in the bed at least 3 times per week minimum - under normal circumstances"! Accountant?
You be the Judge - I just know he alphabetizes his Spice Rack!
One guy said he was widowed after 36 years of marriage & remarried 3 years later.
And we complain about "Freezer Burn"!
And the guy who was recently divorced for the 2nd time from the same woman...
He doesn't need a Date; he needs "A Page Turner"!
Can you imagine the 2nd Honeymoon?
"I thought you were a Virgin"!
Talk about brazen! The guy on my Screen right now has a Wedding Ring on!
Either his wife Super-glued it while he was sleeping - and he wants to attrack A Welder - or he forgot he was married & sticking to that story!
One poor fellow took his Photo lying down on a pillow just so his face would look thinner!
Well, he didn't fool me or his Cat; I heard it gave "a thumbs down" and then hung itself!
And a real Red Flag Warning:
"Looking for heart pounding passion who knows my substantial sexual cravings. I tend to be highly secretive, strong willed & intensely emotional"!
I'm telling you folks; "Word for Word"!
Here's another that belongs on my "No Fly List" - "Never married & have no children - but I had a brother who was murdered"!
Is it just me; or did "Lesbian Numbers" just go up?
But my favorite is, "I want a Female Version of me"!
This guy must have won The Guiness World Record for "Masturbation"!
As for the Kazillion Dog Lovers out there; I want to be the one that's "Fetching", okay?
And guys, next time; think of the woman getting turned off when you Post a Photo of you & "Kimchi" in bed ...
she's either thinking you have fleas, or worse - she'll never get any Covers!