Give me a break...I could've called this "OF MOOSE AND MEN"!
I know it doesn't take much courage to go to Montreal & Toronto in the summer; but I like my Canada dry.
But no; that wasn't meant to be.... Montreal is the only city in the world you can step off a downtown Dock & minutes later be crashing through Class V White Water in the Lachine Rapids in an aluminum boat - and I lived to tell about it!
Ever do the Breast Stroke without a bra - the frigin' thing's somewhere in Manitoba by now!
As a former Stand-up Comic; I could hardly wait for my vacation to start because it's really true that "K words" are funny - and Canada seems to have a monopoly on them.
They can't help it if Saskatoon is in Saskatchawan, and they wear a Parka in their Kayak to buy some Mukluks! When was the last time you said mukluk with a straight face?
I guess I wanted to be safe and only go to the big cities; but deep down I wanted to see a little of "the tundra" - vast treeless arctic plains - but without having to get cold & adventurous - you know, buy the gear, climb the glacier - find my way back!
I don't know about you; but right off I get concerned when they warn you to "Bring extra parts for your car"!
I gambled at Le Casino de Montreal & was fascinated by Queen Elizabeth's pic on the bills - on each denomination she was the same but... with a different Pocketbook!
And some of the Slot Machines were so old - the Fruit on the reels were... Prunes, Raisins & Dates!
And they had a strict dress code: "No bustiers, tank tops, blue jeans, jogging outfits, shorts, beachwear or Gang Clothes". Right away I knew I was in big trouble; I had forgotten to bring my Prom Dress & Glass Slippers!
When I walked through the doors - I felt I was Number 11 on The Worst Dressed List!
Drove from Montreal to Toronto; it was just that exiting! But once you go to those 2 cities - you never want to leave.
Walked along Yonge Street - it's the longest street in the world - 2,500 miles long - and no Traffic Lights! Just kidding.
Oh sure, I brought back souvenirs; large Maple Leaf-Shaped Chocolate Slabs for everyone. But when I got home and took them out of the trunk; they melted & changed into an Apple...and I could swear it said, "I LOVE NEW YORK"!
Regrets? I would have liked to have had an encounter with a Moose or a Mountie - but I did find out that the Male Moose is 7 feet tall & 10 feet long and has hooves that can kill you.
It's threat gesture is lowered head, flattened ears, raised hair and flaring nostrils. (Here's where I would usually write something about my on-line dating; but I'll make a sacrifice!)
This usually occurs during the rutting season and is searching for females. If he finds her; she will make the sound "UH-U-OW-WA". Except the moose doesn't spell it like that.
The male then gives out a series of loud sounds; like bawling or crying a lot. Tell me about it! And, if a female is a little upset - she will squeeze her legs together and urinate on her feet.
Hey, that makes sense; I heard after Mating - he doesn't call!
When going on to Niagra Falls - did I say this was over? You have to make a Political decision - the Canadian side or the U.S. side? For a while there I thought of it as "The Berlin Falls".
I chose the Canadian side because I wanted a Croissant for breakfast. If you think that's ditzy; you should see how I decide to vote for President!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
Comments
-- signed, a clueless Canuck!!!!!!