Circa 1983
Flying to Australia from Hawaii was like an old Covered Wagon ride across America: Endless, Bumpy and no leg room!
And personally, an added hardship for someone who is used to runni watching the 26 Mile Marathon!
You can't miss the Ads for Flights going Down Under:
"COME FLY WITH US" - get 2 Meals served at ridiculous hours & we wake you too!
* CHOICE OF WINDOW, AISLE or
"You've done it again "Ollie" Seat"!
* EYE BLINDERS - so you won't have to see how your fellow passengers look in the morning!
* HIGHLY PERFUMED HOT TOWELS - direct from the Red Light District of Paris!
* And GETTING HYGENICALLY SPRAYED - by Alien Invaders before disembarking your Craft!
This Country is sure hard to get into:
a Passport, A Visa and be able to sing all 10 verses of "Waltzing Matilda"!
I saw where they turned away a few trying to get by with "Anniversary Waltz", "Tennesee Waltz" and "Waltz of the Toreadors"!
What's the first thing everyone thinks of when you say "Australia"? Kangaroos?
Wrong! Rick Springfield!
Yes, he's a heartthrob all over the world all right - but isn't there a legal limit to the number of women who fantasize over the same man? (Okay today I could say Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman and .....Mel Gibson....but I don't want to go there)
Speaking of Kangaroos; let me set something straight here & now! They do not, I repeat, do not meet you at the Airport and whisper in your ear "Hop in"! That's the Cab Driver with your luggage!
Oh, they're cute all right; but let's face it - you'd be hopping mad too if you had to be with the kids all day like that! I guess they never heard of Day Care Centers!
It certainly was a Culture Shock coming from living in Hawaii to the big cities of Melbourne & Sydney. First of all you can't find Poi anywhere!
Second; they wear Clothes & Shoes and everything!
They have Seasons, Meat Pies, Funny Money, Delicious Accents, Ancient Prisons, Boomerangs that work, Wry Good Humor, Charming Streetcars, The friendliest people you'd ever want to meet, Aborigines confined to their own Sectors....umm & the hauntingly mysterious "Outback" - but with no Restaurant!
Coming back home is a lot different than going - on the Plane you now have to share Quarters with: Stuffed Koala Bears, Aborigine Spears, Union Flags, Boxes of Opals, Sheepskin Rugs, T-Shirts that sell themselves - and the 24 hour day you just earned back for passing "Go"!
You've found you've left behind:
Your Tan, a few hundred Australian Dollars, 1 Shoe & your Fear of Flying!
Oh yeah - let me be the first to tell you - "Qantas" in Australian means "JETLAG"!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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