Part 2 of 2
Just one more of my "Job Creation" half-baked ideas - but hey; that's what I'm here for! That's right; getting paid to sit in the coveted EXIT ROW! And yes guys - 7 Extra Inches!
Sorry ladies - that's "Extra Leg Room" & your chance to be a Heroine! Personally; I've never wanted to be a Heroine - and so far; it's working out for me!
Actually, I think there should be an Audition for this position pre-boarding. You know; like the old "Test Your Strength - Hi Striker" Carnival Game - where you hoist a sledge hammer to make a bell sound & at the same time; impress a female!
This "Jobs On Planes" notion came to me last week as the Airline made a biggg mistake when they chose me to man the Exit Row!
"PUSH"? Are you kidding? Half the time I "PULL" when a door says "Push"!
Besides; they ask you to assist other passengers. I'm too narcissistic & entitled for that - every 4 Way STOP Sign I've ever gone thru - I got a Ticket!
Even Larry David had the same predicament on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" & cried out,
"I panic; I choke under pressure - I can not be of any help whatsoever in any Unconditional Landing or Conditional Landing"!
Of course; he was funnier when he said it!
Surprisingly; most people do say "yes" when asked if we are ready, willing & able to sit in "The Hot Seat" & perform the required tasks - but we're just glad to get out of that Groping TSA Line and stunned after paying $15 for a Hot Dog at the Gate - we're ready to do anything!
So there I sat, "Battle Ready"; never leaving my Post - even when nature called; thinking, "I should get paid for this"!
During the flight; as passengers walked by my row; I could feel their safety confidence level dissipate as they shook their heads & clutched their rosaries to their chest.
Standing at a petite 5'0; Sitting much less - I pressed the Button above me to get some reassurance from the Stewardess assigned to Coach.
When she finally came; I had finished my lunch, read "War & Peace", sprouted 3 new grey hairs & knitted a Shawl with the Inscription:
"$25 dollars a Suitcase? Give me 30 & it's yours"!
Then she said, "How did you get those Knitting Needles through Security"?
I said, "I have "Nature Call-Waiting"!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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