You know - like "COAT CHECK"; but for Cell Phones!
Think of it as a Safe Deposit Box for Phones! We can't leave the civility to the clods who own a cell phone to remember to turn it off in the Movies - "The Honor System" went out with iTunes! And of course; "The Pill"!
And there's no need to put it on "Vibrate" or "Silent Mode" or wait for Gestapo Ushers doing "Sweeps" of the audience. If I want a Flashlight in my face; I'll go to a "Drive-In"!
"ENFORCE IT WITH "CELL CHECK"!
"Little Cell Lockers" manned by Max; a trusty old senior who admits he roomed with annoying Alexander Graham Bell - who kept on saying "Can you hear me now"?
In fact Bell gave him the first Blueprint of "2 Cups & a String"! He says he's waiting for the right time to sell it on ebay!
Think of Max as your "Cell Valet"; this guy is harmless.
He wouldn't be playing with the Cell Phones while the Movie's rolling like a younger guy would - he's bonded, a Neo-Luddite & still waiting for a return of his lost Quarter from a Pay Phone since 1968!
"Cell Check" doesn't have to stop at the Movies; there's Live Theatre, Restaurants, Libraries, Schools, Concert Halls, Museums - you name it.
Anywhere people go to escape from Kids, Mother-in-laws, Trump! Even in Church they say, "Don't answer it unless it's Jesus"!
But what's worse is watching you take a call at a Comedy Club at the same time the Comic is making a joke about Cell Phones!
And don't get me started on Lit-up Phone Texts in the theatre!
When I see Angelina & Brad about to kiss on Screen - I don't want to see a light on Row 5 lit up like Christmas! I paid good money to see all 4 Lips!
Oh, for you Hardcore Addicts - You cannot talk to your Cell Phone to see how it's doing in the "Cell Check Vault". So don't try it with a 2nd Secret Phone you pull out of your butt!
And don't worry; you'll get "Yours" back & not some other Wahoo's; Max is spryer than you think!
When the Movie's over, just give him your Cell Check Stub & he'll retrieve it for you - well....if he isn't in a corner unbraiding the "Red Vines" or curing his Arthritis by the Pretzel Warmer, you can call him - oops.... I forgot you don't have a Cell!
Hey; whether this idea pans out or not - I hear Max is still available!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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