"R O A D S Scholar" Series #3
It was that time again; so I got in line at the Los Angeles DMV for my 2011 Driver's Test on a Wednesday & on Friday I took it & passed!
Now, they said; all I have to do is pass the Cavity Search". Lucky me; a free trip to the Dentist too! I love California!
Here's a "Head's up"; so see how you'll do:
For the Drunk Driver's Test, do you:
A) Blow into Officer's ear
B) Pat your head & rub your stomach
C) Throw up in Cop's shoe
Dustin Hoffman said...
A) "I'm an excellent Driver".
B) "Look Ma, I'm using Tom Cruise Control".
C) "I brake for K-Marts"!
A Glove Compartment is a place to...
A) Stow your Lithium
B) Hide your Edible Underwear
C) A poor man's Microwave
When sending your wife down the road with a Gas Can, it's impolite to..
A) Ask her to bring back Beer too
B) Tell her to keep the change
C) Remind her that "It's a dry heat"
Refolding A Map...
A) Is impossible after sex
B) You must have had Accordian Lessons
C) Must have Webbed hands & feet
The Cure for Driving Fatigue is...
A) Keep Bladder full
B) Whiff Ammonia from a rag
C) Stop at a "Jiffy Colonic"
Rubbernecking is...
A) Like "The National Enquirer" on Wheels
B) Used to preserve "K-Y Jam's & Jellies"
C) "A Hickey Guard" designed by Lady Gaga
A Head Restraint is...
A) A device tested at Del Mar
B) A Gizmo to cut down on Drive-by Flirting
C) A Jock Strap
The 4-way Stop Sign is like...
A) Dosey-Do till you hurl
B) Watching Tennis - but without Balls
C) Was first tested at Mental Institutions
You're Bumper to Bumper, do you...
A) Create a new Religion
B) Audio tape your Farts
C) Try to figure out Katie Holmes
In case of Brake Failure, do you...
A) Try thinking of something else
B) Use Sign Language with next car over
C) Pray for fresh Underwear
In Traffic School, do you...
A) Bring Oil for the Teacher
B) Change seats twice because of The Blind Spot
C) Like getting hit with the Paddle
Your Cell Phone falls under your Gas Pedal, do you...
A) Flick it around with your Stiletto
B) Wait until it rings; then bend down
C) Pray to Verizon
To stop "Highway Hypnosis", you should...
A) Avoid staring straight ahead
B) Vary Speed according to beat on Radio
C) Plan your "Pitch" to Clairol for "Genital Makeovers"!
Check out other "R o a d s Scholar" Series Articles:
#1 "Bear Left is not a Direction - it's a Warning"
#2 "Armageddon & other Pet Peeves on the Road"
& #4 "Me, my Mechanic & I"
® All Rights Reserved 2011 Marilyn Sands
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
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