By now - everyone knows former Speaker of the House & 2012 Presidential Candidate Newt Gingrich's Marriage Scoreboard - with Extra-Marital Innings.
And of course; his hypocritical denouncement of President Clinton's Humidor high-jinks right there in the Oval Office between the Busts of Presidents Kennedy & Monroe!
But as a bi-partisan Reporter; it's my duty & great pleasure to reveal the real truth about what went on during Newt Gingrich & his wife Callista's recent controversial 2 week Luxury Cruise to the Greek Isles!
"Newt, I don't want to sing at The Piano Ba..."
"Ten cents a dance...that's what they pay me.."
"Sing out, Callista"!
"Sometimes I think
I've found my hero
But it's a queer romance
All that you need is a Ticket
Come on, big boy, 10 Cents a Dance"!
After Newt empied the Tip Jar; they retired to their Stateroom:
"Look Newt - getting Bunk Beds on this Ship is not gonna make one whit of difference to the Media - now get me down from here"!
"And I'm not gonna wear a Cloth Coat on this Cruise; just for "The Undecided", Newt"!
Having a change of heart; Newt spotted a "Tiffany's Jewelry Store; and did the deed:
"Do you want diamonds spelling out "CALLISTA & I", Sir"?
"No, Gingrich bellowed, "The "I" doesn't have enough Diamonds"!
"But do you have any Necklaces that say "3 Time's The Charm"?
"Yes, and for a little bit more; we have one with a knob that can change the numbers"!
"That's the one"!
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Vivian Henoch
Gary Justis
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Emily Conyngham
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Salon.com
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