July 10, 2011 - Scripted
Once upon a time in the little Hamlet of Los Angeles, the Trumpets sounded as England's Duke of Cambridge, "Formerly known as Prince" & his new Bride, "Formerly known as "Lady In - I'm tired of - Waiting"; walk off a Jumbo Jet & right into a TSA Supervisor - or is it a Baggage Handler... we'll never know:
"May I approach & fondle The Family Jewels"?
"Well, I never"!
"Well, now you will, Will"!
"Welcome to America! We take Cash, Quid & in some larger cities; Spotted Dick"!
With only 2 days in Sunny California to Charm & Be Charmed; WILL & KATE made their final stop at The Sony Studios in Culver City.
All went according to plan until WILL noticed KATE simply disappeared; prompting him to wander about the building until he found her high above him - stuck in an Elevator!
"I've come for you Kate - but first The Janitor has to call The Maintenance Man, Management has to call The Building Inspector & The Fire Department will get back to me"!
"I just went to the Loo - and now look what happened"!
"Oh Kate - I can just see the Headlines back home: "ROYAL FLUSH CAUSES L.A. TSUNAMI"!
"Royal Romance - Indeed! Don't you mean "6,000 MILES...AND NOT ONE Walk on the Beach"!
"Let me explain.. my Travel Agent was "The Duke of Earl"!
"Another flippin' relative to Curtsy"!
"No, he's the Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl"!
"Look, I saw "The King's Speech"; now cut it out"!
"Who do I have to "Knight" around here to get something done"?
"Don't you have any Pull"?
"Not with these Tea Partiers"!
"I'll get you down & we'll have a "Proper" Honeymoon"!
"We lived together for 8 years - what do you want to do now...wear my Tiara"?
"Tell me a story, Will"!
"You mean the one I'm gonna tell Mum"?
"I just know "1/2 Bastard Harry" is gonna bring this up until I find him a Wench"!
"He's your brother, Will"!
"Tell that to "The Daily Mirror"!
"Now don't get your Knickers in a twist, Luv - there's a phone in there, right"?
"Who is this "OTIS"?
"I don't know; just give him a ring"!
"Cheerio Otis...I'm trapped up here in this Lift and..."
RECORDED MESSAGE PLAYS.
"The Offices of Otis Elevator Company are closed on Monday's, Wednesday's & Friday's and every other Cinco de Mayo".
KATE STARTS TO WHIMPER.
"Take big breaths & think of England"!
"It's too late; I'm havin' a pan..."
"Whatever you do - don't light up a bloomin' Fag"!
"You're not Cockney - why are you talking like that"?
"Michael Caine is big here; it never hurts"!
Fueled with adrenaline; WILL tosses his armor & climbs the Elevator Walls tearing his Armani suit to shreds bearing a Six Pack chest. His Pecs glisten as he lifts KATE in his arms; then carries her romantically to the floor below.
"KING ME"! "King me Kate"! Will swaggers suggestively.
KATE BLUSHES & POINTS UPSTAIRS.
"Okay; but what about the Sony Executives"?
"What a Country"!