In his own words outside the Rotunda on a QVC Feed:
"Every Tie you saw on my Job's Speech before Congress is for sale & was made here in the good 'ol U.S. of A! By real Americans with real Birth Certificates; no one climbed over a fence or rode in on a Burro"!
"Not only will you own a Tie, Folks - but you'll have a Job to wear a Tie"!
"To show that it can be done; I've started this Business myself as "Entrepreneur #1"! Biden is "President of Gaffes". We might even sell the Gaffes; like One-Liners in Fortune Cookies - but that's another one of my businesses; if this Tie thing doesn't pan out"!
"Red Ties, Blue Ties & White Ties will be sold in Three's only! We don't want you to miss the chills you get when you open that QVC Box & see those 3 Ties together"!
"In fact, we won't sell you any other Ties if you don't order the 3 first! We aren't Uber-Patriotic; we're just anal"!
"Things are looking up - I hear Eric Cantor bought my Speech & 5 Ties; so Boehner was wrong - he isn't a pain in the neck"!
"I even got Joe & John to model these spectacular Ties for me during the Jobs Speech. Joe was easy; Boehner did it if I would throw in a Pocket Handkerchief Square. I agreed; but he promised not to pull it out & use it! That's why he looked like he did; the angst was killing him"!
"And to further pay down the Nation's debt; every Tie I've worn during my Term will be Auctioned off. I'll be like Elvis with his Scarves! (I heard those horny women sleep with those things!)
"My Personal Collection will thrill the average man & tickle the average woman because with each Tie is a History of when & where I wore it & what Food I dripped on it!
"Oh, on Tie #4622 - Michelle says; that's definitely Mustard; or for sales purposes; we're going with - Paisley"!
"You can wear it yourself or put it in a Glass Case for the Grandkids; 'cause I think someday it might just be worth something! I'll know for sure - next November"!
"So join me in the American Dream and start our money moving again! But just so you know; the Dems aren't that crazy about all this - and me? Well, like it or not...I'm "The Closer"!