YOU HAD ME AT "HA"!

from HOPE to HARPO - my love affair with funny!

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
Location
marina del rey, California, usa
Birthday
July 03
Bio
Former Stand-up Comic, Comic Booker, Gag Writer. Currently marketing Madcap Comedy Screenplays & selling jokes out of the trunk of my car......"Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha

Marilyn Sands's Links

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WHAT WAS I THINKING?
NOVEMBER 14, 2011 5:20PM

"SALMONELLA 101"! It's Funny NOW!

Rate: 3 Flag

rockwell_thanksgiving11  

"THANKSGIVING" means different things to different people!  For some it's Norman Rockwell-esque - Family all around as Dad starts to cut the Turkey. 

Don't get ahead of me now!

Let's say; Thanksgiving is not my favorite Holiday.  Details?  As Jack Nicholson might say, "You can't handle The Details"! 

Don't get me wrong; I do celebrate Thanksgiving - but there is a lot more praying!

I certainly don't want to ruin your next Thanksgiving; as mine have all these past 50 years or so - so think of this as a Public Service Announcement!

I was 13 years old; living in Southeast Washington, D.C.  My older sister's new fiancè & his family of 7 were invited for the first time to our small apartment we rented on the second floor of  private home (so we could get the hard-to-find 3 bedrooms) - but had no front door to call our own.  Added to our family of 5; on this day of infamy - my Mother went all out.

Just to set the record straight; my parents never entertained before & as I recall; none since, either!

But how to be delicate; yet make you slightly nauseous to feel my pain?

Salmonella hit our Family & Guests at 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 & Midnight like a staggered Blitz on Normandy:  My Father on the road in his Taxi & me; when I was just starting to love life!

Who remembers anyone else' story - and who cares?

The culprit?  The Turkey! 

My Mother stuffed the Turkey, put the Turkey in the refrigerator overnight & cooked it in the morning. 

That's a big no-no; but there wasn't any "Butterball Hotlines" or "Google" in those days - we had to fly by the seat of our pants.  And in this case; unfortunately - they were full!

Not to be graphic but - candles were not the only thing burning at both ends!

And to this day; when I pass the Turkeys at the grocery store - I wear one of those Horse Blinders; so I'm not reminded! 

I do that with Feminine Products too; but that's another story!

My poor Mother had to live with the shame, the taunts...& her 1947 "Settlement Cookbook" somehow disappeared after The Fire!

settlement cookbook 

Oh, my sister's Wedding?  It came off without a hitch! 

 And the rest of them?  Nothing serious; but his Aunt's hair sticks straight up whenever she hears "Candied Yams"!

We're no fools - because of her - we now have a Cover Charge!

thanksgiving3 

giblets cartoon  

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Comments

Type your comment below:
There's either a turkey, or a turkey story in every family. Black sheep are also very common!
R
Baa, baaa!

All life has risks - roast turkey makes a lot of them palatable!

(*candied yams? Yum, yum!*)
.
Boy, that's something that will scar you for life! As a longtime cook, I would be mortified if something like that happened to my guests...
Thanks so much Out on a Lamb -
If you think that's bad - you should see what she did with "Heavenly Ham"!
Thanks so much Sky! I heard that "Marshmallow Thing" on the Yams started with the Indians! What do you think?
Thanks so much Frank! And we thought Turkey only makes us SLEEPY!
Of course there was no "Fire" - but THE COOKBOOK sure disappeared! ha ha
marilyn,
I’m sure you’re right. Native North Americans were world renowned for their excellent marshmallows. That’s what brought ol’ Chris Columbus here. Poor lad couldn’t get any decently prepared yams in Queen Isabella’s court.......
.
Sky - from what I've read - the Indians have a different version of Thanksgiving - but I'm just sayin'....
Anyway - have a Happy one!