It's no secret that Herman won't be raising any cain in the bedroom anytime soon & I can prove it with my transcript of their most recent Pillow Talk:
GLORIA CAIN
100 8x10 Glossies in your Top Drawer?
We don't Fish, Herman!
GLORIA
And who's this "Libya" in your Cell Phone?
HERMAN CAIN
Oh, that's a reminder so I can say something about Gaddafi!
GLORIA
Don't trifile with me, Herm!
HERMAN
Okay, it's Labia!
GLORIA
That's worse! That's a woman's....
HERMAN
Don't tell me about that stuff; I like Mystery!
GLORIA
Looks like you're a regular Sherlock Holmes!
GLORIA
And 69999?
HERMAN
Put that thing away, darlin' - those little notations of mine just help with my speeches. Palin writes on her hand - I use 9's!
GLORIA
Why do you help all these women with their money problems?
HERMAN
I like to Pay It Forward!
GLORIA
Couldn't you just give a Lifetime Coupon for Pizza?
HERMAN
Tried that; they still wouldn't touch me!
GLORIA
Touch you?
HERMAN
Touch my heart, sweetie.
GLORIA
I believe you Herm - and as you say; it will help getting Votes.
HERMAN
That's right & whenever you've had enough shame & embarrassment; let me know & I'll quit in a Georgia Minute!
GLORIA
This is the last time; do you hear me?
HERMAN
You've got my word on it!
GLORIA
What word is that?
HERMAN
Mozzerella!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
Comments
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I don't understand why everyone is so cynical about Herm. I can totally believe that he's been helping out a woman financially for 13 years without telling his wife but never having sex. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny agree with me.
R