The real truth about Santa is...he's Lactose Intolerant!
Those Cookies & Milk get him every time!
That's the reason he rides from House to House - to use The John!
Toot, Toot, Tooting along - Prancer's thinking "WTF"?
Nobody else could drive across America so fast; without stopping at a "Cracker Barrel"!
Do you think he has time to read those Notes left under the Tree:
"Kiss Mrs. Claus for me"!
"Skip Tink this year"!
and "I said "Kindle" not "Kindling"!
No, he's trying to fit into The Powder Room!
And do you know what he has to do just to get his pants down?
We got the Belt, the Jacket, the Suspenders, the Button Fly & the Trap Door Long Johns: "Made-In-The-North-Pole" exclusively by "Newt Elves"!
Oh, and the Chastity Belt - that was Mrs. Claus' contribution!
As you might have guessed; sometimes he doesn't make it:
"To the top of the Porch!
To the top of the Wall!
Now *"DASH" Away! "DASH" Away All"!
* "DASH" is better than our 409!
And I heard him explain, as he rode out of sight:
"Put the frigin' Seat down"!
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V.Corso
OS Weekend Fiction Club
Thoth
Blinddream
Procopius
Rob St. Amant
Salon.com
Comments
Thanks for that! :D
Lezlie
There are times when you are really, really weird..... y'know?
Not "weird" weird....... wonderful weird!
I'm sure glad to see that Santa has that newspaper with him - I don't see a roll of T-P anywhere handy........
.
Loved the visuals.
Newt elves, I can see the little bastards running around in circles.
R