Having now watched all 14 Seasons of TV's "Dancing With The Stars" - because I love to dance, shake my booty & don't have a life - I was reminded of the 1969 Academy Award Nominee Movie "They Shoot Horses, Don't They", based on the 1935 Novel - about winning a grueling Depression-era Dance Marathon for a cash prize.
It's amazing how they both covet that Mirror Ball - one to be able to eat a Square Meal & the other for Media Exposure & to lose weight!
Starring Jane Fonda, Gig Young, Red Buttons, Michael Sazzazin, Susannah York, Bruce Dern & pregnant Bonnie Bedelia - this Movie focused on a disparate group of characters with numbers on their backs; literally dancing until they dropped...dead ...in some instances!
After a while; it didn't look like dancing - "clinging on" was the best they could do. Staying vertical was the metaphor for life; and if you can get past the sleepless agony - you will not forget this movie!
That's why it reminded me of this Season's "Dancing With The Stars" - it really should have been called "Slipped Disco" as the injured Hoofers pulled our heart strings with Concussions, Bloody Lips, Broken Bones, Thrown-out Backs, Whiplash - and that's.... just from the Backstage Sex!
And their body count & tally of injuries should now be classified as an Extreme Blood Sport!
After seeing the complicated Lifts, Drops, Spins & Throws - both the Wrestling Federation & Comic Sherry Shepard said, WTF!
And if our "Sympathy Quotient" wasn't enough; the Voting by the Judges and by the Home Viewers via Phone, Text & Carrier Pigeon - incorporated & exploited each & every Contestant's Back Story - from Sad, Very Sad to.... Give him a frigin' Telethon!
For the Male Contestants; Judge Bruno Tonioli had his own titillating Criteria: "Take off your shirt & you'll get an 8, a 9 if I can wear it & a 10 - if I can show you my Dancer's Dictionary"!
And then there was the dancer who refused to get on stage when he felt his crotch & forgot his Cup - no sorry...that was last year's Chaz Bono!
And of course; there were the usual number of Wardrobe Malfunctions! You know; that's when your breast suddenly pops out & you remember Grandma is watching!
Look who's talking; in my day - I did that on purpose!
But for the Losers; there are Perks & laughs for us: Neglected brother Rob Kardasian, was just named a Judge in the Miss USA Pageant, Bristol Palin, just got her own Reality Show & Cloris Leachman - got to stay home & soak her feet!
Well, I don't know about you, but I can't wait to hear who will be next Season's Stars & marvel once again - how One Yard of material can be fashioned with one lonely Snap that at any moment can turn this All-American Gyrating Farce into Porn!
No Photo! Are you crazy...and ruin my Rep?