"THE OBAMA/CLINTON Private Sex Scandal Talks"! Scripted

YOU HAD ME AT "HA"!

from HOPE to HARPO - my love affair with funny!

Marilyn Sands

Location: los angeles, California,
Birthday: July 03

Bio: Former Stand-up Comic, Comic Booker, Gag Writer. Currently marketing Madcap Comedy Screenplays, a Stage Play, a Book & selling jokes out of the trunk of my car......"Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha

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Marilyn Sands's Links

BEING A STAND-UP COMIC After 40: SPACE SHUTTLE HEROES & My Audition!; STAND-UP COMIC After 40! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!; TAKE MY ACT...PLEASE! Salon After Dark! Rated R; Dick Clark JOKES From my 1980's ACT!; My COMEDY SKOOL Freshman Year!; My PANIC ATTACK with DUDLEY MOORE"!
MY FAVORITE LINE in an Article: "Like yesterday, she comes in at 3 am, smelling like Wet Fur & Whisker Wax humming "Memory" from "CATS"!
END OF YEAR SPECIAL: "UNDER THE WIRE"! New Year's "HAPPY" List! Repost
DON KNOTTS DAUGHTER: "Tied Up In Knotts": "KAREN KNOTTS KNOWS KOMEDY IS FUNNIER WITH K'S"!
NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT SCHOOL SHOOTING, COLORADO ET AL: "FREE SPEECH, Porn & THE COLORADO CONNECTION"
"FAVORITE SCENE IN A MOVIE: My Favorite SCENE In A MOVIE #8 "SIDEWAYS" - Groom Sows Oats before Bride WINES!; "BABY BOOM" Diane Keaton Owns It!; "TERMS OF ENDEARMENT"!; "PAPER MOON"!; "HONEYMOON IN VEGAS"!; Neil Simon's "BILOXI BLUES"!; "EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX..." Woody Allen; "FALLING IN LOVE" Streep & DeNiro
PILLOW TALK - Scripted: "LAP DANCES For Chris Christie! Governor's PILLOW TALK!; THE OBAMA BEDROOM "Debt Ceiling Climax"!; NEWT'S Political PAJAMAS GAME; "BEDROOM ChiCAINery" Sex, Lies & Pies!; PILLOW TALK @ The Perry's
THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES 2012: "HE DID IT & HE WON"! OBAMA'S 2nd Debate A KNOCKOUT! No SEX!; "DON'T HAVE SEX BEFORE THE FIGHT"! The Secret of an OBAMA WIN - Pillow Talk; "MITT & BARACK'S POKER GAME @ The Debates"! Scripted
THE MATING GAME: "Dumping My Dating DEAL BREAKERS...One by One"!; "HEAVEN CAN WAIT"! My Hot VALENTINE'S DAY DATE!; "I'M SINGLE BECAUSE I Was Waiting For...; "LOVE ME, LOVE MY PUSSY" Dating But With Pets!; love@60...lol #1; "love@60...lol Date-abase Shuffle #2; "SOUL MATES...Ad Nauseum"!; "CUPID - 19-19 VISION"!
NOBODY HERE BUT US CHICKENS: "Dan Cathy's COCK In the CHICK fil-A HEN HOUSE"!
BO OBAMA: "THROWING BO OBAMA OFF THE GRAVY TRAIN"!; "BO TURNS 2"; "OBAMA TURNS TO BO FOR GUIDANCE"!
OS WEEKEND FICTION: "AS SAGA'S GO - THIS IS THE LONGEST"! 50 Word Essay; "SEX IN THE MORNING"; "SHE NEVER LET HIM...See Her Breasts"!
THE ELUSIVE EP: "Opensalonna Island"...CLOSED FOR REPAIRS!; Year 2169 Archaeological Dig: EP SURFACES!; EP "COVER" Coveting...Climbing JACOB'S Ladder!; "OS CHARWOMAN BUSTED"! EP Whistle Blower Also Cuffed!
JOHN BOEHNER: "STATE OF THE ONION" ..No Tears For BOEHNER!; OBAMA HITS HIS FUNNY BOEHNER" Libs Demand Xrays!
MITT ROMNEY: "WE WERE SO POOR" ANN vs MICHELLE! Scripted; "THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM" Mitt's Sympathy Vote!; 'MITT ROMNEY'S SHOCKING 1040 SECRET"!; "PREPPING FOR PRESIDENT"! Mitt's H.S. REPORT CARD Surfaces!; "YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT"! Mitt & Me!; "ROMNEY'S SWISS BANK ACCOUNT vs MY GRANDKIDS PIGGY BANK"!; ZANY? "MITT'S Fighting WORDPLAY"!; "WHEN THE Latter-Day SAINTS GO MARCHIN' IN"
NEWT GINGRICH: "NEWT'S Political PAJAMA GAME"! Scripted; "CRAZY" Newt's Campaign Sing-a-Long!; "Don't you HAVE TO BE CRAZY To Run For President"?; "What Are Americans To Do"? VOTE or BOOK 2 SEATS TO THE MOON?; "STOPPING NEWT FROM CARRYING ON"! Too much BAGGAGE?; Gingrich Productions Presents "THE OTHER, OTHER WOMAN"; "YOU GOT TO PICK-A-POCKET OR TWO" The Fagin/Newt Connection
RICK PERRY: "THE BOIL ON RICK PERRY'S BUTT"!; "PILLOW TALK @ THE PERRY'S" After-Debate Foreplay
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN': "BABE IN THE Hollywood WOODS"!; "STARSTRUCK @ STARBUCKS"!; "BUTT ENVY"..Smokers Pack It In!; "JURY RIGGED"! L.A. Jury Duty..Peer 1; "L.A. LAUGH LINES @ THE DMV"!; "ARMAGEDDON & Other PET PEEVES On The Road"!
"YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP"! On-Line Dating Straight Lines!: "YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP"! #5; "YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP"! #6; "YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP" On-Line Straight Lines! #4; "YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP" On-Line Straight Lines! #3; "YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP"! On-Line Straight Lines! #1; "YOU CAN'T MAKE THESE THINGS UP"! On-Line Straight Lines! #2
RECOMMENDED BY ZAGAT: "SWEET GENIUS"? You Be The Judge! DIET MYTHS DEBUNKED!; "DON'T SMOKE AROUND ME OR THE TOMATOES"...Obama BALKS @ BEETS!; "PETITS four CRIMES" Getting My Just Deserts! Open Call; "LOOKING FOR MR. GOODMENSCH"!; "HOW MUCH FOR 1 CUCUMBER"? Foraging For Innuendos @ the A&P!; "VELVEETA" - A Love Story!; "Kosher PICKLE & Non-denominational OLIVE"!; "WURST You were Here"!; MY STOMACH IS SAYING: "Change Religions"!; "COFFEE BAGGERS" BUZZ To-Go!
POLITICS AS USUAL: "GET READY FOR THE AUGUST 2ND MaGEDDON"!; "CHILD'S PLAY" JEB BUSH Calls OBAMA a 10 Year Old"!; "Devil's Advocate in THE ALOHA STATE of Confusion"!; "IF YOU KNEW BIBI, LIKE I KNOW BIBI" Republicans Fighting For Israel"!; "WE MIGHT AS WELL THROW DARTS" How We Pick Our President!; "Auntie Em: O'REILLY HAS A HEART"!; "BUSH'S MEMOIR...or "Mission Sketchy"!; "MR. STEWART GOES TO WASHINGTON!; "AIR FORCE 1 TO CHICAGO...1 Way"!; "KAGAN'S KOMEDY"!
THINKING OUT OF THE BOX: "IT ALL STARTED WITH ZAPRUDER"! Everyman Wants to be a Hero!; "THE LURE OF THE KRISPY KREME"...Hitting Bottom - MINE!; "CHILEAN Miner MAJOR HIT! Down & Out in N.Y.C.; "BEAR LEFT is NOT a Direction - It's A WARNING"!; "Midsummer KNIGHT'S DREAM" - Will & Kate's 4Play!; IN THE NICK OF TIME..."SANTA Wears Holiday BLUES"! Open Call; "DEWEY WINS"! Ha ha Happy Update: O.B.A.M.A.; "For Your Birthday...I PLEDGED 2 TREES IN ISRAEL & a BUSH in Cincinnati"!; "MOMISM'S" & Teenage Angst!; "BRIDE BLOWS OFF HEF, NO HARD FEELINGS"!; "Barry DIAMOND IS FOREVER" Until they come with a Net!; "FAKE FRIENDS ON BLACK VELVET"!; "POT SPILL"...Fish Flounder Just For The Halibut!; "OUR FIRST GAY PRESIDENT" Stole My 1980's Jokes!; Heartfelt Tribute: DICK CLARK JOKES From My 1980's Act!; "DESIGNER POLITICS" An Apolitical Fantasy!; "YOUR JOB ON THE LAUGHTER SCALE"! From Plumber to Proctologist; "SISTERS UNDER THE SKIN" The Gabors & Kardasians!; "OH CLOONEY...WE HARDLY KNEW YE"!; "KIM HUSTLE'S THE BUSTLE"!; "THE OTHER WOMAN was TWEETY BIRD"! Ashton & Demi Split; "THE BIG 100"...and you thought it was hard turning 40!; "The SPELL CHECK Gal & The GPS Guy"...Match made in Cyb%rspase!; "Back To The Future...1999 THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY"!; "You CAN Take It With You"..Thinking inside the Box!; "TIGER'S MYSTERY WOMAN #36"!; "DICK, ANDY...Again, Misunderstood"!
NON-PARTISAN POLITICS ha ha: "SEASON OF DISSENT" SaTIRED!; "WHY I'M FIGHTING For Obama's REDEMPTION"!; "THE CAMPAIGN WAS SO LONG...(open call); "I GAVE IT A SHOT" A Last Ditch Effort To Cover Your Ass!; "MARILYN O'SANDS GOES GREEN" Trippin' With Obama! Repost; "SOPHMORIC RHETORIC SPIN ON OBAMA"; "LIBERALS LAUGH LAST"..Obama @ OPEN MIKE!; OBAMA'S ROOMIES: "TIME SHARES @ THE WHITE HOUSE"!; "RED, WHITE & Light BLUISH" Fading Jobs!; "FUNNY BUSINE$$" Obama TIES One On!; "OBAMA'S 4 Year Term in BOWLING LINGO"!; "OBAMAMAN" WILL SAVE THE DAY!; "What the House OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE Found on OBAMA"!; "WHO ORDERED THE KOSHER MEAL" Barack & Ben's Swap Meet!; "OBAMA WAS ONE OF THE NAVY SEALS"!!; "PRESIDENT OBAMA IS CHEERED"..TRUMP Sucks His Binky!; "BLACK TIE, WHITE SOCKS"..Dinner with Obama!; "OBAMA & FOX TV" O'REALLY?
SARAH PALIN: "PALIN Comes Clean at the Sit & Spin LAUNDRETTE"!; "Palin PLANS...and GOD LAUGHS"! REAGAN Recycled; "PALIN to make a GRAND ENTRANCE"...Counting on the MOOSE VOTE!
MICHELE BACHMANN: "THAT'S SO GAY"...You Have To Be Carefully Taught!; "CAT FIGHT"! The Michele & Sarah Scratch-Off!; "TOO PRETTY FOR PRESIDENT"..Bachmann's Mirror Image!; "COUNTRY FRIED BLOG"..The Clogged Arteries Tour!; "BACH MANNia"!; "WATERLOO, IOWA Bachmann's ABBA Moment"!
WHAT WAS I THINKING?: "GEORGE WASHINGTON SLEPT Where? Tracking Down THE DOLLAR BILL!; "WHO SAID IT"? In the News...POPe Culture!; "MONKEY BUSINESS" John McCain Goes Ape Sh__!; "Take One MORNING-AFTER PILL...And Pray To CVS"!; "I'M ENFORCING A DRESS CODE FOR OPEN SALON"!; "HOT DAMN...Now I Can Marry A Woman"!; "BILL MAHER & HIS WHITE SHEEP BROTHER BOB"!; CHUMLEE "Sexiest Man Alive" PAWN STAR HAS BALLS; "TWINS BORN 5 YEARS APART"!; "LUXURY One LINERS" on the Kvetch Ketch!; "CIRCUMCISION..Tips From A Mohel"!; "BORAT Does THE INTERNET"!
IN A CLASS ALL IT'S OWN: "GEORGE CARLIN'S DAUGHTER KELLY...Hot *STUFF"!
RICK SANTORUM: "TOP 10 REASONS WHY SANTORUM SAYS HE DOESN'T USE CONDOMS"!; "TEACHING SANTORUM HOW TO PUT ON A CONDOM"
VENTS R US: "Honey Boo Boo, Mother Teresa & The Kardasians"!; "TAKE THE YEAR END CELL PHONE RUDENESS TEST"!; "If an ARTICLE is Written IN A VOID will anyone READ IT"?; "WAITING TO GET ON OPEN SALON IS LIKE..."; "EVERYBODY WANTS TO GET IN TO DE ACT"! Repost; "WHY I'M QUITTING HOTELS WITH "TURN DOWN" SERVICE!; "TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED SINCE WRITING ON OPEN SALON"!; "WHILE WAITING TO GET ON OPEN SALON - I WROTE..."; "LIVING ON A SHOESTRING...without tying one on"!
I LOVE THE MOVIES: DUSTIN HOFFMAN'S "QUARTET" Britain's Best Brings It!; "I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING"! Dine-In Movie Theatres; "THEY SHOOT HORSES, DON'T THEY"? Dancing With The Stars!; "VIBRATORS" You Don't Have To Cook Them Breakfast!; "RACING WITH THE MOON" Hot Topic...Back Alley Abortions!; "THE ARTIST" Draws Pathos! 2012 OSCAR WINNER!; "MONEYBALL'S" Stephen Bishop "A NATURAL"!; "SOYLENT GREEN" Eating Aunt Louise!; "CELL Phone CHECK" Silent Movies!; "ZELIG" meets "WHERE'S WALDO" Woody's Latest!; RICKY GERVAIS - "CRRRINGE HUMOR"!; "MATINEE$" Afternoon Delights!; "DATE MOVIES ARE THE PITS"!
PERSONAL FAVS: "SOPHOMORIC RHETORIC Spin on OBAMA"!; "The BIG 100...and YOU thought it was hard TURNING 40"!; "PREMATURE EVACUATION" EXIT SEAT Employment!; "THE CARTEGENA FOLLIES" White House PILLOW TALK!; KAREN KNOTTS Knows Komedy is Funnier with K's; PETITS Four CRIMES...Getting My JUST DESERTS!; "10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM THIS ERECTION"!; "MARXISM...And BENNY HILL too"!; "FLIGHT RAGE...Having a Bad AIR Day"!; "Who In HISTORY - Besides ROMNEY, Didn't Say What They Mean"?; "EXTRAS, EXTRAS" Read All About It! My Mini-Series Moment!; "Mitt & Barack's POKER GAME @ The Debates"! Scripted; "STARSTRUCK @ STARBUCKS"!; "THE HIPPY DIPPY WEATHERMAN Returns with IRENE"!; "WEINER'S DREAM" Stand-up Comedy..Down Mexico Way!; "PINOCCHIO & WEINER...The Nose Knows"! Scripted; INAGURATION DAY QUIPS.."OBAMA'S 4 Year SPRINT"!; "CASABLANCA" on Pennsylvania Avenue...Scripted!; "RATS"...THE MUSICAL On Broadway!; "CHEMISTRY 101...lol Adam & Eve!
VISUAL CANDY: "MATCH THE TEA With The TEABAGGER"!; "HAIR TODAY, PRESIDENT TOMORROW"!; "HEIR TO THE WHITE HOUSE" Crowning Glory Daze; "My Critics Were Right: A MONKEY COULD WRITE THIS CRAP"!; "D.C. EARTHQUAKE" Obama's FAULT Again!; HELP WANTED: SKY WRITER "MUST LOVEsmallWORDS"!; "CASEY ANTHONY IS PREGNANT"!; "IF ONLY...LADY GAGA would show less of her GEEGAW"!; "IF ONLY...ERIC CANTOR would "Pull a Weiner"!
BATHROOM READING: "I SUCK AT GIRLS"...Oh, Not Me Author JUSTIN HALPERN!; "THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA" T'was GAS!; "SALMONELLA 101" It's Funny NOW!; "OPEN SALON'S Only Techie Found on "LOST"!; "BETTER THAN SEX"!; "T.W.I.T.T.E.R. POP CULTURE CODES"!; "DATING DOGGIE STYLE"; "How Many Friends Does A LACTOSE INTOLERANT REALLY Have"?
Shh...IT'S PERSONAL!: MY $50 FRIEND...Lending Money Moral! (Make That Moron); "Seeing RED...And THAT'S NO BULL"!; "Wearing ALI MACGRAW"!; "CANADIAN BAKIN' ...it doesn't sizzle - it THAWS"!; "SNAKE IN THE POOL"! Florida Style; "THE SKY IS FALLING & SO AM I..For LARRY DAVID!; "KARTCHNER'S CAVERNS" Stalagmites, Stalatites & CHAD!; "WORKIN' IN THE SALT MINES" One Lick At A Time! Germany; "CARRIE/EDDIE Fisher & ME"! 6 Degrees of Separation!; "I SOLD CIGARETTES @ 14"! Little Match Girl!; "TAKE MY ACT...PLEASE"! Salon after Dark!; "HOW I GOT A JOB IN THE GOVERNMENT" Terror on the High Keys!; "ONE NIGHT WITH MARILYN"!; "THE SITUATION ROOM with Marilyn Sands"!; "DUE DATE DRAMA" Birthin' Babies!; "DIAHANN CARROLL - A Regal White Vision"!; "THE LADY IS A TRAMP" In Deutschland; "RITA HAYWORTH & ME"! The Heat Is On"!; "Taking it on the Chin - SUGAR RAY LEONARD vs ME"!; "I MARRIED AN OXYMORON"!; "Diary of a POKER WIDOW"; "HIGH ANXIETY" Flying over a lifetime of Gargles!; "BOOKS DON'T NEED A WARRANTY"! Fighting the Digital Age; "IF CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS - I'm Screwed"!
ARNOLD SCHWARTENEGGER: "WHO YOU GONNA CALL... "Sexbusters"?; "GOOD HOUSEKEEPING"..Governor's Seal Of Approval!; "Rx: Antidotes for Aphrodesiacs"!
ANTHONY WEINER: "WEINER'S DREAM"..Stand-Up Comedy DOWN MEXICO WAY!; "PINOCCHIO & WEINER..The Nose Knows"!; "WEINER'S WEENIE A WINNER"...Say That 3 Times!; "140 CHARACTERS & A PENIS".. The Musical!; "WHERE THERE'S SMOKE THERE'S WEINERS"!; "BODY LANGUAGE...Weiner's Podium Tells"!
CHARLIE SHEEN: "ONE & 1/2 MEN"!; "FOOLS, TROLLS & A.A. Holes"!; "Sheen SHIRKS Shirts" Bowling For Bimbos!
NO COMEDY ZONE: BOSTON: The Answer Is "BLOWIN' IN THE WIND"!; "AM I DEAD or ALIVE"? My "Baader-Meinhof Gang" Story; "TO MY PUTZFRAU...Don't Clean The Cuckoo Clock I Need The Eggs"!; "THE GREAT White/Black/Brown HOPE"!; "NOT A WOMB TO CALL THEIR OWN"!; "MY PANIC ATTACK With Dudley Moore"!; "NEIL & JOHN Heroes".. MANY MOONS AGO!; The Diagnosis: "SICK OF POLITICS"!; "BIRTHIN' BABIES"! Pre-Existing Conditions! Open Call; "FREE SPEECH, Porn & THE COLORADO CONNECTION"! Open Call; "BELIEVING...AFTER THE HOLOCAUST" Returning To America!; "IMAGINE" There's No Spammers; "THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM" Cleaning Up After Arnold!; "HIDDEN PASSAGEWAY" Horror Unearthed In America!; "WHAT STICKS IN YOUR CRAW"?; "SARAH'S KEY" Unlocks Tears of Yesterday; "DYING TO LIVE" My Mother's 100 year Battle For Life"!; NIXON'S WATERLOO - "MY AMERICAN SCANDAL"! OC; "SPACE SHUTTLE HEROES & My Audition"!; "9/11 SOUND BUT NO PICTURES"!; "READING BETWEEN THE LINES" The Evolution of Books!; "ELIZABETH TAYLOR Slept Here" Part 1; "ELIZABETH TAYLOR Slept Here" Part 2

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NOVEMBER 14, 2012 10:39PM

Rate: 2 Flag

Luckily, I got a hold of this Transcript...

BARACK

Bill?

BILL

Don't ask!

BARACK

Why not?

BILL

A Cigar is just a Cigar!

BARACK

No thanks. I don't smoke anymore.

BILL

Just let it peter out.

BARACK

That's not my Style - you know I have to cross the t's & dot the i's! And I want everything out in the open.

BILL

I feel your pain.

BARACK

I feel your pain - you have to relive it.

BILL

But this year, I did have some good Mojo goin' - didn't I?

BARACK

"Mojo" has a Shelf Life - those Repubs want to see some Heads Roll.

BILL

Umm. Isn't it time for another Newt Affair - how's that Sheep Story we've been holdin' on to?

BARACK

It settled out of Court!

BARACK

And I ran out of "Wag the Dog" ideas.

BILL

I got it....BO!

BARACK

He's "Fixed"!

BILL

Well, so am I - but we have to take this off the Front Page!

BILL

Have you noticed if a Female walks by - I don't look back?

BARACK

Well, BO isn't that far gone!

BARACK

How's your Balls?

BILL

Balls?

BARACK

Yeah, BO doesn't run after them anymore!

BILL

Don't worry Barry - it'll all come out in the Wash!

BARACK

You shoulda told Monica that!

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Thir is just mean to the point of being evil and if I wasn't laughing at it I'd flag it for being soooo... what is the word?... inappropriate, after all we are talking about two living presidents who between them served twelve years in the highest office of the land... and don't make any jokes about Bill forgetting to inhale or Obama toking a doobie in Hawaii or Chicago... Harumph!! R&R ;-D

jmac1949

November 15, 2012 01:37 AM

Thanks so much jmac - I think! Somebody's gonna think you didn't like it! ha ha "The Timing" is what's wrong with this sex scandal - next year - away from the Election would've been better...but we can't schedule these things. Could be Petraeus had an "open marriage" & his wife was fine with it - it was emails that brought them down & unfortunately Repubs are having a field day with it.