I went to the Movies & ate until it was over! You don't count the Calories if you eat in the Dark - do you?
When I heard AMC Theatres just opened it's 11th Dine-In Movie Experience in the U.S., in Marina del Rey - the only one so far, in Southern California - I rolled back my Cholesterol Numbers just this once, for this Partay!
First you buy your Ticket On-Line or Old School & pick your seat.
One price fits all; that's right - no Senior Discounts. But who needs it - I never own up to my age & have a Fake ID to prove it!
Well, I take that back - they have a sliding scale of Ticket Prices - from $7.50 to $17.50 - depending on the day & time. And that doesn't include Eats or a Wake-up Call!
And there's no "Child's Price" either - because children aren't allowed at any shows.
That's great, but I don't know why - there wasn't any Porn; so it must be The Belching, The Scratching & The Farting!
You see, they want it to be "Like Home". Plush Leather Recliners, Tray Tables...some Woman brings you a Beer!
Yes, they serve Wine & Beer. That's just what I need ruining my Movie Night Out - some Drunk slurring, "Wherrre's my Pickle"!
But it was Educational too - I always wondered what Wine went with "The 3 Stooges"!
But the "Toy" that'll bring 'em flocking back to these Theaters are "The Buttons"!
One for the Waiter & One for the Recliner Leg-Raiser. And that explains me being shot into the Ceiling by some "Fruit Loop" behind me playing with my Buttons!
Their Sales Pitch is:
"What used to take 4-6 hours for Dinner & a Movie - now only takes 3 hours"!
That combo wouldn't work for me; on a Date I need an "Escape Option"! Don't laugh - sometimes right after "Hello"!
This new concept is all about Relaxing & perchance; Making a Move. In my day - a Guy who tried to put his arm around your shoulder with his hand stategically placed; was a "Prevert" - but what's gonna be The Molesting Toll on these Romeos...someone was selling Blankets!
Okay, I have a few left in the Truck!
Actually, there's no time for Romance - The Waiter Button can be pressed at any time during the Movie & the Ninjas dressed stealthily in Black; are either Taking an Order, Delivering an Order, Giving the Check or Returning someone else' Credit Card!
Do I look like Henry Kissinger? I don't think so!
Give me a break - it was the first one I thought of!
You laughed; didn't you? I rest my case!
Well, this "Marina 6" had a total of 400 Seats & 2 Waiters. You do the Math!
Actually, it was quite the opposite - during the Movie they seemed to multiply; leaving Black Shadows on the Screen & I didn't even finish my Carafe of Beer yet.
You drink your way; I'll drink mine!
My suggestion to the Management was to get Midget Waiters who are very, very thin who can get in & out without me missing a Punch Line or Murder Weapon. And in this Movie I saw; I could've used one!
But there are Pluses - bringing in my usual Limburger Sandwich will now go unnoticed & won't get stink-eye anymore.
I can't count the times I've said, "It's not me - look in that Kid's Pants"!
But the Theater did something right though - they have Dishes that don't make noise - just like mine at home - Plastic!
But if I'm payin' 10 Bucks for a Hamburger I can't see - I want real China - not made in China!
What Movie did I see?
"THIS IS 40"! - just the same as my ID! ha ha