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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands
Location
los angeles, California,
Birthday
July 03
Bio
Marilyn Sands is a Former 80's Stand-up Comic, her Essays can be found on salon.com & her unsold Screenplays in her Top Drawer...next to the hard liquor! "Author of 2 Works of Fiction....my Diary & my Resume"! ha ha All my Articles are Copyrighted & yes, I'll know!

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NO COMEDY ZONE
JANUARY 18, 2013 2:12PM

"I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING"! Dine-In Movie Theatres!

Rate: 12 Flag

la-et-ct-amc-theater-20121128-001  

I went to the Movies & ate until it was over!  You don't count the Calories if you eat in the Dark - do you?

When I heard AMC Theatres just opened it's 11th Dine-In Movie Experience in the U.S., in Marina del Rey - the only one so far, in Southern California - I rolled back my Cholesterol Numbers just this once, for this Partay!

First you buy your Ticket On-Line or Old School & pick your seat. 

One price fits all; that's right - no Senior Discounts.  But who needs it - I never own up to my age & have a Fake ID to prove it! 

Well, I take that back - they have a sliding scale of Ticket Prices - from $7.50 to $17.50 - depending on the day & time.    And that doesn't include Eats or a Wake-up Call!

And there's no "Child's Price" either - because children aren't allowed at any shows. 

That's great, but I don't know why - there wasn't any Porn; so it must be The Belching, The Scratching & The Farting!

You see, they want it to be "Like Home".  Plush Leather Recliners, Tray Tables...some Woman brings you a Beer!

Yes, they serve Wine & Beer.  That's just what I need ruining my Movie Night Out - some Drunk slurring, "Wherrre's my Pickle"!

But it was Educational too - I always wondered what Wine went with "The 3 Stooges"!

But the "Toy" that'll bring 'em flocking back to these Theaters are "The Buttons"!

One for the Waiter & One for the Recliner Leg-Raiser.  And that explains me being shot into the Ceiling by some "Fruit Loop" behind me playing with my Buttons!

exp-cinema-suites-3 

Their Sales Pitch is:

"What used to take 4-6 hours for Dinner & a Movie - now only takes 3 hours"!

That combo wouldn't work for me; on a Date I need an "Escape Option"!  Don't laugh - sometimes right after "Hello"!

This new concept is all about Relaxing & perchance; Making a Move.  In my day - a Guy who tried to put his arm around your shoulder with his hand stategically placed; was a "Prevert" - but what's gonna be The Molesting Toll on these Romeos...someone was selling Blankets!

Okay, I have a few left in the Truck! 

Actually, there's no time for Romance - The Waiter Button can be pressed at any time during the Movie & the Ninjas dressed stealthily in Black; are either Taking an Order, Delivering an Order, Giving the Check or Returning someone else'  Credit Card!

Do I look like Henry Kissinger?  I don't think so!

Give me a break - it was the first one I thought of!

You laughed; didn't you?  I rest my case!

Well, this "Marina 6" had a total of 400 Seats & 2 Waiters.  You do the Math!

Actually, it was quite the opposite - during the Movie they seemed to multiply; leaving Black Shadows on the Screen & I didn't even finish my Carafe of Beer yet.

You drink your way; I'll drink mine!

My suggestion to the Management was to get Midget Waiters who are very, very thin who can get in & out without me missing a Punch Line or Murder Weapon.  And in this Movie I saw; I could've used one!

But there are Pluses - bringing in my usual Limburger Sandwich will now go unnoticed & won't get stink-eye anymore. 

 I can't count the times I've said, "It's not me - look in that Kid's Pants"!

But the Theater did something right though - they have Dishes that don't make noise - just like mine at home - Plastic! 

But if I'm payin' 10 Bucks for a Hamburger I can't see - I want real China - not made in China!

What Movie did I see? 

 "THIS IS 40"! - just the same as my ID!  ha ha

 

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Comments

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Good laugh for today. Thank you.
No senior discount? Is that legal? Call the Tea
Party. Just like home? Me falling asleep and drooling? Where is my damn pickle ? R
Honestly, I can't make myself pay over $4 for a Coke in the U.S..
Thanks Annie! So glad you got some laughs - at my expense though! I don't like getting catapulted in the air! ha ha
Thanks Jer! I just knew you were the one with the missing Pickle!
Thanks so much Jackie2! Yes, there are a lot of injustices...and a few are in Court!
Just a quick note - that pic on top was from AMC Theatre's vault. In reality - it's very Dark! And I never could REALLY see what "SHE WAS HAVING"!
Cinepolis in Westlake Village has better seats than AMC. I don't recommend the food in either though. Clever and funny as always, Marilyn. R
Yeah -- I hate to eat in the dark and I'm not really sure I could eat and watch a movie and control a recliner all at the same time. Good stuff.
Carafe of beer? I'll take the pint of bubbly thank you.
You've crossed an invisible line with your crazy on-target humor Marilyn, and poked fun at something sacred: the dine-in movie experience.
Hahahahahahahahaha!
Where I live the only one is Movie Tavern (Movies Never Tasted So Good!) and I l think they do it pretty well although I have nothing to compare it to.

But you made me nostalgic for the good old days when you and a date could cuddle in the dark theeAYter while sharing a romantic limburger sandwich. And the only buttons involved had to be unbuttoned not pressed.
Now you got me thinking. What food goes well with "adult" movies? Butter without the popcorn? Crisco oil without the fried chicken? Hmm or is it yum? R
Shot into the ceiling, Marilyn, nice depiction, I can see you going up straight-faced, looks like the new service needs some, not a lot, but some, fine tuning.

Other than that, it´s just another day at the movies and I can tell you had fun, the usher becomes the waiter, the movie becomes irrelevant, the theater becomes a bar, and the lights are dim as in a romantic restaurant, they´re just missing the candle in every seat, so the fire alarm is tested every once in a while with a burger overdone. What a bundle.
Thank you Thoth! Yes, I guess it's catching on - people have said the food is a lot like "Applebee's" or "Fridays" - but without the Tipping & the Grease Fires in the Kitchen!
Thanks Marty's Husband! You're right...there's a lot of multi-tasking to do & it was so Dark - I ate MY GARNISH for the 1st time too!
Thanks for stopping by Abrawang! And I got "Extra" Butter for my Popcorn in a Jigger Shot Glass! What a Country!
Margaret - You Hussy, you! I've never had Buttons unbuttoned in the Theatre...I had Zippers!
Thanks Trudge! Skinless Chicken, Newman's Undressing...don't get me started!
Thanks for stopping by Workstudio! I don't care if they're still working the Kinks out on this Cash Cow - all I want is to get off the Ceiling!
LOL will there be extra taxes on seats for the obese like on European airlines?
[r] hah! one of your best, Marilyn. "Look in that kid's pants" made me guffaw!!! Don't remember the last time I did that! bravo. best, libby
Thanks icyhighs! Oh, those seats were roomy, I have to say that! And no cryin' babies or kids kickin' the back of your seat till Chicago! Glad you got some laughs!
Thanks so much Libby! Anytime I can make you spit your coffee; is a good day!
No senior discounts?! I'm outta here. I didn't buy this fake senior ID for nothing!
Thanks Dan! I'm good - until they start counting my Rings! ha ha You know - "Dendrochronology"...I use that word every day!
What Margaret Fieke says:
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Thanks Algis, you "Number's Sculptor", you! Orange you a Math Teacher in your spare time?