For 3 years in the 1970's I lived in Stuttgart, W. Germany where "Octoberfest" was 13 months a year & Wurst was the "go-to" Comfort Food; whether you knew what was in it or not!  I kid you not - once I saw a dog walk into a Restaurant Kitchen and never… Read full post »

     Now that I'm Single - where is "Stupid Cupid" with his Golden Quiver & perfect aim - and is there only 1 - as in 1 Santa Claus, 1 Tooth Fairy & 1 Easter Bunny; or are there multiple Impersonators - like in "ELVI"!  At this point; I'll take an… Read full post »

In a rare unscripted One-on-One with "People Magazine"; Sarah Palin decides to come clean in front of the "Sit & Spin" Launderette in Wasilla.

Q:  Sarah, did you or did you not Post a Map of the opposition on your Facebook page with Crosshairs?

A:  Well, yes & no.

Q: … Read full post »

     I've got to tell you right up front - I married an Oxymoron!  Oh, my husband doesn't mind me saying it; as long as I spell it right!  You see, he was an English Major in college and won't let me forget it.  He also never lets me forget the… Read full post »

    Give me a break...I could've called this "OF MOOSE AND MEN"!

      I know it doesn't take much courage to go to Montreal & Toronto in the summer; but I like my Canada dry. 

 But no; that wasn't meant to be.... Montreal is the only city in… Read full post »

     Give me a break..to prepare for "Y2K" - I bought Bunkers.... with an Ocean View!  The year 2000 in the Gregorian Calendar?  I don't know about "Gregorian"; but I got mine at Kmart!

     What actually happened after the turn of the Millennium… Read full post »

     If you are reading this; you were alive for the turn of the Millennium - maybe not sober but waking up on January 3rd still counts!  The Good News is - it won't happen again in your lifetime!  Isn't that what you were praying on your knees for; au toilette?

&nb… Read full post »

     Heading for the Mexican Riviera; disabled Carnival Cruise luxury liner "Splendor" hit an Iceberg Audience; leaving the Stand-up Comic's Act dead in the water!  

Going under so fast; he actually had to use "All Hands & Fleet on Deck" & "Fire D/… Read full post »

     After the mid-term elections, Obama went down to the dusty White House basement for a smoke & started to poke around.  Obviously, Bush never went down there because - there it was:  "Clinton's "E-Z HUSSEIN ASSASSINATION PLAN"!

     For those… Read full post »

Like "A Canary in the Mines" - this Miner is singing...Elvis!  Edison Pena flew to New York in yet another "you.tube" & landed on "The Letterman Show" gyrating to "Suspicious Minds" on his way to "Graceland"!  If that's not enough; he did 15 minutes of Stand-up:

"I was the 12th man… Read full post »

     You bet'cha I'm tired; I went to all the Rally's on Washington! 

So far; I have "Carpel Tunnel" from the damn Sharpies, "Laryngitis" from the yelling, "Indigestion" from the Chili Dogs & my date has "Crushed Nuts"!

     Actually; I never went hom… Read full post »

Episode #2    

"I want nice legs, a tight tush & both boobs in the front"!    

     While perusing the Dating Profiles for Mr. Right - I've found a lot of Mr. Wrong's:  

"I like to sleep with the Bedroom pitch black...… Read full post »

     Like all other "Rally's on Washington"; today's Rally - the day before Halloween "to restore sanity"-  was hard making "A Head-Count"! 

 There were 400 Clowns, 99 Pirates & 1,000 Christine Witches...that's 399 more Clowns than at "The Glenn Beck Rally"!

&n… Read full post »

With New Yorkers terrified of the Bed Bug scare - I thought now they'd be longing for "the good old days" - when the City was filled with friendly long-tailed vermin!  So, I dusted off my Broadway Script, prayed to Disney & hope it's a hit!  It may seen short -… Read full post »

Episode #1

      I felt I was ready for the On-Line Dating Game; and then I thought again.  Nobody told me I'd be in no-man's land; and I don't mean The Popcorn Line for "Sex in the City"!

     Yes, it's a jungle out there; and frankly, ther… Read full post »

     The Tagline for the 1995 Comedy, "Jury Duty" said it all: 

"FOR TRUTH.  FOR JUSTICE.  FOR 5 BUCKS A DAY"!

     But then I thought about my Civic duty, the camaraderie & the Article I could sell - but not in that order. 

Besid… Read full post »

     "So you're allergic & that's the dealbreaker"? 

"What is it; the sneezing, wheezing or the itching"? 

Look; Princess is hardly ever home - she's an Alley Cat with privileges! 

She has her own dating issues.  Like yesterday; comes in at 3 AM, smellin/… Read full post »

     I'm docile, loyal, short-haired, have a brown & white shiny coat & frankly after being on "Ddate" so long - am in heat!  Okay, I'm an older dog & randy....I think that's his name - Damn, if they would only wear collars! 

Don't like those "Weiner Do… Read full post »

     What do you get a dog who has everything?  A Bitch!   This dog was neutered!  Or from a dog's standpoint; Castrated without their consent! 

     His love life is just not right!  When Bo approaches a female dog - al/… Read full post »

     For a Nickel; going to the movies in "The Depression" was a place where you could "Forget your troubles" & "Get Happy" watching Shirley Temple -  today; to see Angelina's lips - it cost 12 Bucks!

     Yes, "Catching a Flick" is not what it us… Read full post »

     Here in L.A., we're literally breast fed on the "Top Romantic Movies of the Past" - so repeat along with me: "Casablanca", "Gone With The Wind", "Love Story", "Dr. Zhivago", "West Side Story", "From Here to Eternity" & "Brokeback Mountain"!

     Oh yes… Read full post »

     Here's a Crash Course for those who don't "Twitter" like myself - there must be an Anonymous Meeting out there with our initials on it!  You know who you are...with every technological plaything's arrival; we hold-outs have one thing in common - our dusty 8 Track Player… Read full post »

     Yes, Rahm Emanuel's bringing souvenirs from the Oval Office:  

Matchbook Cover "3 Strikes, you're out", 

a Copy of his "Resignation" "I wish I knew how to quit you"!

 & his Recipe for "Tsimmis" (sim-miss):

1 cup of "Gaffes" & 1 cup… Read full post »

     SOMETHING ISN'T KOSHER! could mean: 

The Practice of Jewish Dietary Laws, Lady Gaga's new outfit or....

Newt & Karl Rove singing "I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, short & stout...."

      Oh, let me make this perfectly clear; "He… Read full post »

• HAM SANDWICH
• "STEAK & SHAKE"
• CLOVEN HOOFS
• SHELLFISH
• MATZOH
• And BEETS

     Those are What I didn't eat on Yom Kippur! 

     Because this is the most serious Holiday of all; I want to repent for this article - next Yom Kippur!  This year...I'… Read full post »