Last week I watched the excellent life history of and tribute to Bob Newhart .  This episode of the PBS series American Masters was one of the more entertaining repeats of the holiday.

The only thing I enjoyed more during the recently passed festive season was when WGN in Chicago broadcast a burning log on Christmas Eve. I sat there transfixed. Over top the burning log they played old radio shows as accompaniment to the never ending fire and crackle. I was able to hear The Great Gildersleeves, A Jack Benny special broadcast from a hospital, the radio version of A Christmas Carroll and a lot more before I passed out from too much Arizona Green Tea (Extra Sweet). 

Anyway, thanks to my day job I know a few people inside Warner Brothers. Motivated by the PBS rerun on Newhart, I asked one of my contacts if Warner Brothers had any unreleased Bob Newhart material sitting in their massive vaults. No one was able to affirm that they did, or that Warner Brothers even has a vault. However, a few days later I received this mysterious e-mail from a sender who only identified themselves as "ricklesbites". 

I am not even sure these are real but I thought I would share them anyway.

"Bonus Tracks Considered for Release on the 49th Anniversary Edition of Bob Newhart’s The Button Down Mind of Bob Newhart (Warner Bros. Management eyes only. Transcripted Excerpt Version. Recording date unconfirmed. Believed to be early 1963. All tracks previously unreleased).

A) Phone Call from the person who invented Gazpacho Soup

Bob: It’s soup…. And it’s cold? Gee, (Bob stammers)… that sound like a swell idea. (Audience laughter). It might be popular in Phoenix (audience laughter).

B) Phone call from the I.R. S. after the passing of the 16th Amendment

Bob: So I am supposed to give you some of my money…oh I see, just part of it…for what reason again? (Audience laughter) And jail is a possibility if I don’t comply? (Audience laughter) Gee, I never got a phone call from Russia before. (Audience laughter).  How is the Premier these days? (Audience laughter)

C) Phone call from the young folk singer Bob Dylan

Bob: Gee Bob, I didn’t know Woody Guthrie wrote This Land is Your Land, I thought it was just a folk song…. (Audience laughter). So you say he originally called it "God Blessed America For Me" (Audience snickers). Well gee, how does Kate Smith feel about this? (Audience laughter and applause).

D) Phone call from a record company executive

Bob: So let me get this straight. The idea is to first release all the music on vinyl records, right…Than you have a second format planned. And it is called what again?....Cassettes?...little plastic boxes with recording tape on wheels...(Audience laughter). And everyone will buy the music a second time to play in their cars? (Audience laughter)… OK, I think understand those but how does an 8 track work? (someone knocks over a glass, laughter)...And after that you are going to put music and albums on what?...It’s called a compact disc…but you will add bonus tracks that weren’t good enough to be on the first three formats…so we will buy the music a fourth time? (audience explodes)… Gee, why don’t you just make the compact discs the first time and save us all trouble? (audience applauds)… Oh, I see, no one has invented the computer yet (audience explodes in laughter)… Well, no matter how you explain it, a binary code still sound’s a bit dirty (mild laughter).  Have you checked with the Catholic Guild on this? (thunderous applause).

Note from Phil Waeller, Vice President Warner Brothers reissue program: The following track is from an October 21, 1963 club date in Chicago. As we have no plans for a Bob Newhart box set at this time, it may warrant inclusion on this release. It may bring in a few sales from collectors.

D) Phone call from Castro

Bob: So the missiles are really just farm silos… (audience laughter) No Fidel, I don’t believe that a camera could take accurate pictures from that far up either….(Audience laughter). Say Fidel, have you been down to the beach lately? (Thunderous applause).

END"

Needless to say I was pretty pleased when this arrived.  After getting this treasured artifact I pushed my luck by asking if someone could dig up the Souther, Hillman and Furay concert from 1975 that I just know they have sitting there. This time they ignored me.

A few days later I got yet another mysterious e-mail from someone who only identified themselves as "geffencaresless" who told me that this much sought after musical treasure will never get released unless Poco has another hit single.