What I Learn From Marty
- Waco, Texas,
- March 30
- I am the chief caregiver for Marty, my wife of 30+ years. In our previous lives Marty was an Educational Psychologist, I was a call center manager. Marty has had two strokes since 2005 which have caused critical physical and cognitive deficits. We are both in our mid-50's and have two adult children.
I would never confuse myself with a professional writer, I do this to document our journey and as an act of self discovery. This is what I have learned over the last years, this is our life.
MY RECENT POSTS
- Pride Doesn't Make You Fall
August 21, 2014 01:58PM
- Holding a Grudge
July 31, 2014 08:23PM
- The Only Choice
July 21, 2014 01:04PM
- I'm Okay with the Mundane
July 13, 2014 02:18PM
- A Story in Pictures
July 05, 2014 11:35AM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Two that always do it to
me for different
August 10, 2014 02:00PM
- “It always seems the
birth rate goes up during a
moon....I wonder what
July 13, 2014 04:41PM
- “Crying alone...in a
to you and
July 13, 2014 03:58PM
- “As killing machines go
the guillotine is pretty
July 13, 2014 02:28PM
- “Glad to see you
back.....This tells a
June 22, 2014 04:24PM
- MY LINKS
There is a difference between being proud of something and being prideful. It’s a small semantic difference but an important one. One can be proud without hubris…..hubris makes us prideful.
The Proverb saying “pride goes before the fall of humanity” points to hub… Read full post »
I gave her a drink of her berry flavored G2 Gator-aid. It’s not necessarily her drink of choice, but it is one she tolerates to keep me placated. I tilted the bottle up at her mouth and a little bit leaked out of the bottom and dripped down her chin and… Read full post »
I know exactly why I do it and it’s not because I’m a saint or a particularly self-effacing guy. I’m not patient or generous enough to qualify for sanctification and I have a very healthy ego and really like to have my way in most everything.
I do it,… Read full post »
It’s been about six months. I hate to put the bad voodoo on us but it’s been about six months since we have seen the inside of a Providence Hospital room.
For us, for the chronically ill, this is a big thing. Not doing the hospital for any length… Read full post »
Marty will be 60 this year on August 23. Ten years ago 60 seemed a sure thing. Nine years ago, after the first stroke 60 seemed possible but for the first time I had doubts. Eight years ago after the 2nd stroke, 60, for Marty, seemed doubtful.
Marty… Read full post »
The man looked at Matt, our son, and asked, “What do you do?”
Matt gave his practiced answer. I wish I remembered what it was; it was a really impressive answer and made me proud our son had such a great job description. Marty and I made a good man…yes,… Read full post »
“We were runnin down the road trying to loosen our load” back from the lake when Marshall Tucker, an early 70’s southern rock band came through Sirius singing, “Can’t you see, can’t you see, what that woman is doing to me.”
I loved The Marshall Tucker… Read full post »
I have been pooped on, peed on, phlegmed on, and puked on. The last years have tested me, they have tested my marriage. Uncontrolled bodily fluids will do that.
It’s not my fault, it’s not Marty’s fault. In point of fact she is a bit embarrassed… Read full post »
We were in the car, just cruising, when daughter Erin called to wish her Mom a happy Mother’s Day. We talked over the hands free, Erin talked, I talked, Marty talked. It was a nice Mother’s Day conversation.
After we disconnected I said, “That was very nice.”
Mar… Read full post »
Marty is a mother. It’s more than a little enlightening to see the young woman who became your wife make the transition from girl friend to wife to mother. We all evolve, daughters become wives, and wives become mothers.
Marty made the transition, not seamlessly, not gracefu… Read full post »
I reached down and gently touched her head, pushing my fingers into her thick salt and pepper colored hair. She stirred, just waking, looked at me through sleepy eyes and first said, “Scratch”, a command to scratch the back of her head. The rule is, you touch it you scratch it… Read full post »
Sisyphus, because of his hubris and pliable relationship with the truth was cursed to push a boulder up a hill, for the rest of his life. He would get to the top and the damn thing would roll back down and there he found himself, perpetually pushing a rock.
Some… Read full post »
I almost missed it. Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe that’s a sign of acceptance. It’s what happens when you move on; it’s what happens when you take down a calendar (http://martytalks.blogspot.com/2010/07/calendar.html).
It’s been nine years, it was nine ye… Read full post »
I have many fears, many sources of anxiety. One of my biggest is not will I miss something; it is I will blow something off that’s important. I don’t worry about missing clues, I worry about ignoring them.
When Marty and I started we settled into rather comfortable roles.&nbs… Read full post »
I read a speech some time ago, a commencement speech gone viral by author George Saunders. In the speech he talks about one of his greatest regrets, not being kind enough (Saunders Speech Text).
That is an extremely poor and inadequate summary of what he said but his speech touched… Read full post »
On any given day it is the best thing I see. It is guaranteed make my day better, instantly. It lights up my world and it does the same for the people around her. When Marty smiles,I mean really smiles it is the best thing in my day.
Marty has used a wheel chair for eight years. Seeing “our” wheelchair for the first time was a surreal experience. It sort of punctuated the strokes; the chair clarified the sea change in our lives. I can remember looking at it and thinking how in the hell could this pie… Read full post »
On day five of our Providence Hospital occupation our collective decided to accept the offer of Great and Wise and take ourselves home. It was time. After five days of IV antibiotics, fluids, breathing treatments, meds, and blood, we blew that Popsicle stand for the friendly confines of o… Read full post »
She went from okay to really not okay in a matter of a few minutes. The peaceful evening then went to eventful. The suddenness was troublesome and that part will stay with me for a while.
Marty does this thing that’s really hard to describe. She yawns, then stretches, then… Read full post »
Last week I found myself in Utah with my son, his wife and my four year old grandson. We went skiing with all of the glitterati at the Sundance Film Festival (I saw no on I recognized). It was my grandson’s maiden ski voyage and it was a hoot watching him… Read full post »
Here we are living life on the edge this Christmas of 2013. That’s just the way Marty and I roll, taking chances, risking the comfort of hearth and home to find the ever elusive peace and good will.
Yea, that’s right, we did it, we did it in the face… Read full post »
It’s about the choices, it’s about priorities it’s about how you want to spend energy.
One of the things you discover about stroke recovery is that energy, both physical and mental is a finite resource. It takes a lot of Marty’s energy to get up, to sit up, to focus,… Read full post »
The journey to acceptance of difference starts with simple presence, it starts with familiarity, it starts with understanding. Marty and I started that process with young people who matter to us.
I taught Sunday school for several years. From the time our son Matt was in high school unti… Read full post »
The perspective changed when she sat in the wheelchair. It changed the way people saw her, the way people knew her. For some, even those that had known Marty forever, they couldn’t see past the chair, they couldn’t accept Marty in her brokenness.
I hope we change some… Read full post »