What I Learn From Marty
- Waco, Texas,
- March 30
- I am the chief caregiver for Marty, my wife of 30+ years. In our previous lives Marty was an Educational Psychologist, I was a call center manager. Marty has had two strokes since 2005 which have caused critical physical and cognitive deficits. We are both in our mid-50's and have two adult children.
I would never confuse myself with a professional writer, I do this to document our journey and as an act of self discovery. This is what I have learned over the last years, this is our life.
MY RECENT POSTS
- Finite Energy
November 19, 2013 08:20PM
- A New Journey
October 31, 2013 01:11PM
- More than You Think
October 18, 2013 02:29PM
- "Cheese" Won't Cut It
September 26, 2013 06:37PM
- The Pain of Awareness
September 20, 2013 05:01PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
November 20, 2013 11:14AM
- “I see my own children
and frankly....that's where I
November 19, 2013 10:37PM
- “Never been....would love
November 19, 2013 08:47PM
- “One of the great
speeches of the American
we are &…”
November 19, 2013 08:45PM
- “We have yet to resolve
our internal conflict
November 19, 2013 08:31PM
- MY LINKS
It’s about the choices, it’s about priorities it’s about how you want to spend energy.
One of the things you discover about stroke recovery is that energy, both physical and mental is a finite resource. It takes a lot of Marty’s energy to get up, to sit up, to focus,… Read full post »
The journey to acceptance of difference starts with simple presence, it starts with familiarity, it starts with understanding. Marty and I started that process with young people who matter to us.
I taught Sunday school for several years. From the time our son Matt was in high school unti… Read full post »
The perspective changed when she sat in the wheelchair. It changed the way people saw her, the way people knew her. For some, even those that had known Marty forever, they couldn’t see past the chair, they couldn’t accept Marty in her brokenness.
I hope we change some… Read full post »
We had our photographs taken last Saturday. We got all dolled up and made up and went down to our church to get our photo made for the church directory.
I have to say the preparation for the big event took a lot, I mean a lot longer than the actual… Read full post »
She has many of the needs of a child, yet she is not a child at all.
The strokes that scarred her brain stole her independence and her ability to care for herself. They robbed her of the ability to do the simplest things.
I know she doesn’t feel… Read full post »
I’m not sure why I am always a bit surprised when people go out of their way to help us, but, from time to time people extend themselves and make you feel special.
Getting in our dentist’s office is no easy trick. You have to go in one door, make… Read full post »
Today is Marty’s 59th birthday.
Today we are nine years post diagnosis of her multiple sclerosis. Today we are eight years past her ruptured aneurysm. Today we are seven years past her last stroke.
In those years Marty has been in the hospital literally dozens of times, end… Read full post »
I have God envy.
No I’m not envious of God though the whole omnipotent omnipresent thing does have its appeal, especially during football season. Red Raider and Cowboy fans would be happy happy.
I am envious of how some people are able to live and accept the trials… Read full post »
It was our first Christmas with our first born, Matthew. We were in Dalhart Texas some 600 miles from our fairly new home in Paris Texas. Matt was only 3 months old and Marty took the call from our new nanny in Paris. The news was bad, catastrophic, as any new… Read full post »
I’m a big talker. I’m full of wonderful counsel and advice for other people and I can wax on eloquently about the things I have learned over the last few years and how I have successfully incorporated those brilliant discoveries into my own life.
Over the last few years… Read full post »
Thursday was coming and going and I had already assumed we would stay at least one more night when Great and Wise popped in to talk. The rash was better, the blood pressure was better, Marty was better and he thought we were out of danger and could… Read full post »
I never really know who to call or if to call anyone. I know to let our children know, I know to let my parents know, but beyond that, I’m never sure who to call and say we are in the hospital again.
Part of my reluctance is that I… Read full post »
The world just keeps spinning, even when you can’t spin with it.
As I stepped out of the emergency room to breathe in some hot night air I saw a couple of cars drive by. I thought, “I wonder if they know how lucky they are, I… Read full post »
When you think about the science of playing the piano, your brain translating black marks on paper so the left part of your brain can tell the muscles of the right hand to move the fingers and push black and white keys in a rhythm to make music, it’s amazing. … Read full post »
There are times it is bone crushingly sad; occasionally the sadness of what has happened permeates every part of me. It runs so deep and is so real it is almost a physical pain. It never lasts long and it almost always happens late at night, at times when I feel… Read full post »
Marty and I are in daily negotiations about getting her implants. I tend to think she should get them, she says no way no how. We are talking dental implants not the other kind…I personally like the natural stuff.
Marty has several upper teeth that are just not doing well. … Read full post »
It was a new clinic for us but we are practiced enough in the medical arts to simply assume our normal positions. Marty was in the dental chair looking around the office, surveying the exam room looking at the doctor’s diplomas, checking his credentials. I was sitting in the chairs… Read full post »
When we left St. Catherine’s to come home in June of 2006 it felt like surrender, it felt like we were leaving too soon with too much still to learn and to do.
We had been at St. Catherine’s, a sub acute care and rehab center, for a… Read full post »
Last Saturday was my birthday, my 59th.
That weekend, Easter weekend, for my birthday, my children, grandchildren and parents came to our house on Richland Chambers reservoir to help me celebrate. On my birthday, that last Saturday, I was the chief and only caregiver for Marty.
When your birt… Read full post »
“There are three kinds of love,” she said as she was holding court at our supper table.
Marty was listening and eating a little at a time; I was watching and listening to Renea, the caregiver who was holding court. I was listening, mostly, partly I was listening for my… Read full post »
She didn’t do it. It wasn’t really her fault, really, I’m serious.
God didn’t do it. She didn’t have strokes because God wanted that, really, I can’t believe that.
We have to learn to quit blaming the broken, quit blaming God for the brokenness. … Read full post »
“Ma’am, what you did, because you didn’t want to walk an extra ten steps from the parking space right over there, is make a hard life just a little harder.” As we drove out of the parking lot, it flashed through my mind, that’s what I really wished I had said.… Read full post »
It was a little after high noon when Great and Wise stepped into the room. He looked at Marty and said, “You look a lot better than I expected.” That was Friday a week ago.
That Thursday afternoon Marty and I took a ride as we often do. She had… Read full post »
Marty and I were sitting in the living room killing time, waiting to head to the movies. We were going to see Side Effects (good flick).
As we were chilling, visiting, and watching Mythbusters our once every two week house keeper, Robin, started unloading the cleaning paraphernalia from her ca… Read full post »
Marty has brought so many new people into our lives. It’s a natural consequence of major illness. You need help; you need help from people you might never have met otherwise. Marty’s new life has shown us so much and so many new people.
She came to us about seven… Read full post »