What I Learn From Marty
- Waco, Texas,
- March 30
- I am the chief caregiver for Marty, my wife of 30+ years. In our previous lives Marty was an Educational Psychologist, I was a call center manager. Marty has had two strokes since 2005 which have caused critical physical and cognitive deficits. We are both in our mid-50's and have two adult children.
I would never confuse myself with a professional writer, I do this to document our journey and as an act of self discovery. This is what I have learned over the last years, this is our life.
MY RECENT POSTS
- Love Because
December 23, 2014 06:40PM
- Love In Spite of Life
December 19, 2014 08:53PM
- How Do You Feel About That?
December 05, 2014 05:33PM
- So Many Doors Closed
November 17, 2014 06:29PM
- Choosing Your Family
October 25, 2014 12:18PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “I would hate for sleep
not to come....there is no
December 19, 2014 09:07PM
- “Nope...not very many
words to convey tragedy...very
December 19, 2014 08:55PM
- “It's all about taking
the next step and rounding the
December 05, 2014 05:41PM
- “Excellent ideas....we
have the renewable options in
November 17, 2014 08:03PM
- “Getting a computer back,
priceless. You do got
October 25, 2014 01:19PM
- MY LINKS
So she knows. So you all know. I don’t think I have some sort of heroic love for Marty in spite of the infirmities. I’m really not that altruistic or giving. The strokes have changed us, the strokes have altered our approach to life, the strokes do not define… Read full post »
I see her watching me as I decide on gifts and sort them and package them for Christmas. I see her brain haltingly process what she sees, I see in her someone who wants to break out and tell me I’m doing it all wrong and to just step back as… Read full post »
“How do you feel about that?” It was a big question for Marty; it was an important question for her, it was a question she taught me ask.
First you ask, “How do you feel about that?”, then you work on learning to listen to the response, then you… Read full post »
I won’t say parts of Marty actually died when she had her first stroke, I can’t say that, it cuts too close. I can say mental and emotional doors were closed forever on April 2 2005. Even more doors were closed and nailed shut on January 3 2006 when she had… Read full post »
My uncle in Houston recently passed away and his funeral was being planned on the same day as a planned trip to Dallas to watch the red headed David Beckham, my five year grandson, Noah, play futbol.
I called my son Matt to check on start times and talk… Read full post »
It’s always a little dangerous to look back, but when I do, when I go back to the days after we first came home from Marty’s second stroke I am aghast at how stupid I was. I knew nothing about caring for the needs of someone like Marty.
The… Read full post »
My head has not been there in a while. The past months, really the past couple of years have been too good to dwell on what was, what happened and what might have happened. Encounters make me think back.
I went to a wedding and saw the minister that sat… Read full post »
Life marches on…with you or without you…..life continues. Our journey, while often a bit circuitous and bumpy, is at a good place.
We went to see Marty’s lung doc and she gave Marty an “A”. Marty swears to this minute she got an A+. She was always a… Read full post »
A comment on one of my blog posts and a couple of links on my facebook page nailed me this week.
The comment was nice, the writer pointed out how good things were in my life. They were spot on, my life is good. It’s good for a lot of… Read full post »
Too often we wait. We wait too long, it’s too late to say it, it’s too late to make sure it’s known.
Funerals are not the best time to tell someone you love them that you appreciate and admire them. Its okay to honor people at their funeral, but… Read full post »
There is a difference between being proud of something and being prideful. It’s a small semantic difference but an important one. One can be proud without hubris…..hubris makes us prideful.
The Proverb saying “pride goes before the fall of humanity” points to hub… Read full post »
I gave her a drink of her berry flavored G2 Gator-aid. It’s not necessarily her drink of choice, but it is one she tolerates to keep me placated. I tilted the bottle up at her mouth and a little bit leaked out of the bottom and dripped down her chin and… Read full post »
I know exactly why I do it and it’s not because I’m a saint or a particularly self-effacing guy. I’m not patient or generous enough to qualify for sanctification and I have a very healthy ego and really like to have my way in most everything.
I do it,… Read full post »
It’s been about six months. I hate to put the bad voodoo on us but it’s been about six months since we have seen the inside of a Providence Hospital room.
For us, for the chronically ill, this is a big thing. Not doing the hospital for any length… Read full post »
Marty will be 60 this year on August 23. Ten years ago 60 seemed a sure thing. Nine years ago, after the first stroke 60 seemed possible but for the first time I had doubts. Eight years ago after the 2nd stroke, 60, for Marty, seemed doubtful.
Marty… Read full post »
The man looked at Matt, our son, and asked, “What do you do?”
Matt gave his practiced answer. I wish I remembered what it was; it was a really impressive answer and made me proud our son had such a great job description. Marty and I made a good man…yes,… Read full post »
“We were runnin down the road trying to loosen our load” back from the lake when Marshall Tucker, an early 70’s southern rock band came through Sirius singing, “Can’t you see, can’t you see, what that woman is doing to me.”
I loved The Marshall Tucker… Read full post »
I have been pooped on, peed on, phlegmed on, and puked on. The last years have tested me, they have tested my marriage. Uncontrolled bodily fluids will do that.
It’s not my fault, it’s not Marty’s fault. In point of fact she is a bit embarrassed… Read full post »
We were in the car, just cruising, when daughter Erin called to wish her Mom a happy Mother’s Day. We talked over the hands free, Erin talked, I talked, Marty talked. It was a nice Mother’s Day conversation.
After we disconnected I said, “That was very nice.”
Mar… Read full post »
Marty is a mother. It’s more than a little enlightening to see the young woman who became your wife make the transition from girl friend to wife to mother. We all evolve, daughters become wives, and wives become mothers.
Marty made the transition, not seamlessly, not gracefu… Read full post »
I reached down and gently touched her head, pushing my fingers into her thick salt and pepper colored hair. She stirred, just waking, looked at me through sleepy eyes and first said, “Scratch”, a command to scratch the back of her head. The rule is, you touch it you scratch it… Read full post »
Sisyphus, because of his hubris and pliable relationship with the truth was cursed to push a boulder up a hill, for the rest of his life. He would get to the top and the damn thing would roll back down and there he found himself, perpetually pushing a rock.
Some… Read full post »
I almost missed it. Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe that’s a sign of acceptance. It’s what happens when you move on; it’s what happens when you take down a calendar (http://martytalks.blogspot.com/2010/07/calendar.html).
It’s been nine years, it was nine ye… Read full post »
I have many fears, many sources of anxiety. One of my biggest is not will I miss something; it is I will blow something off that’s important. I don’t worry about missing clues, I worry about ignoring them.
When Marty and I started we settled into rather comfortable roles.&nbs… Read full post »