I expanded this post in include a tutorial, since some comments made it evident I wasn't perfectly clear.
Who Are Redstockings?
"Redstockings" was a name taken in 1969 by one of the founding women's liberation groups of the 1960's to represent the union of two traditions: the "bluestocking" label disparagingly pinned on feminists of earlier centuries--and "red" for revolution.
Redstockings women would go on to champion and spread knowledge of vital women's liberation theory, slogans and actions that have become household words such as consciousness-raising, the personal is political, the pro-woman line, sisterhood is powerful, the politics of housework, the Miss America Protest, and "speakouts" that would break the taboos of silence around subjects like abortion..
Redstockings today is a new kind of grassroots, activist "think tank", established by movement veterans, for defending and advancing the women's liberation agenda. The Archives for Action is a project Redstockings established in 1989 to make the formative and radical 1960's experience of the movement more widely available for the taking stock needed for new understandings and improved strategies.
What Is a Granny?
Source: Moby Thesaurus II by Grady Ward, 1.0
62 Moby Thesaurus words for "granny": Methuselah, antediluvian, antique, back number, beldam, conservative, crone, dad, dame, dodo, dowager, elder, fogy, fossil, frump, fud, fuddy-duddy, fuss, fuss-budget, fusser, fusspot, gammer, grandam, grandma, grandmother, grannam, great-grandmother, hag, has-been, longhair, matriarch, mid-Victorian, mossback, old battle-ax, old believer, old crock, old dame, old dodo, old fogy, old girl, old granny, old lady, old liner, old maid, old man, old poop, old trot, old wife, old woman, old-timer, patriarch, pop, pops, reactionary, regular old fogy, relic, square, starets, traditionalist, trot, war-horse, witch
Only 4 people in the universe are allowed to call me Grandma, and the 13 month old and 4 month old can't pronounce it. I would not let them call me Granny.
Calling me Grandma or Granny is a putdown, conscious or unconscious. I am temporarily changing my avatar to a picture taken in 1972 to remind you that I am not a woman one condescends to. You are being both ageist and sexist. Any person calls intimidating me grannie resembles those ageists who dismiss older women as grannies whose political convictions can safely be ignored. Look at the debate on health care.
Update: I already switched back to a grandmotherly avatar, as I knew I wou ld.
I am turning 65 July 17, a day after the 65th anniversary of the most atom bomb test (Trinity). I am not joining the fight against aging. I haven't yet faced the dilemma if I could be friends with a woman who used botox. If the avatar was a higher resolution you could see the first strands of gray hair that turned me entirely gray by 43. I can tolerate being told I was hot in 1972 on the basis of the above picture, since no one but my husband ever told me that in my 20s. Intellectually arrogant women who take no crap, who love to argue with men, who never play dumb, are rarely hot. I married the first man who appreciated my body as well as my brain.
I understand some people might wish they had a grandma like me, but their grandmas might be more like me if they take the trouble to find out.
You may call me Mary Jo, Red, Mary, RSG, MJK, Redstocking Grandma, or Redstocking. I use Redstocking Grandma because it combines my 20s with my 60s. I was an active participant in the New York radical feminist group, Redstockings. I became a grandma in May 2007 at the age of 61. I have found grandmotherhood as dramatic a transition as motherhood. I hope grandparents will lead the revolution for a family friendly US. They are the only ones who might have the time and the energy.
According to Google, I seem to be the only Redstocking Grandma on earth. I would be deranged not to use it.
I mean this, and will correct every person who does it every single time.
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BTW, not knowing what you look like these days, you certainly were hawt (meaning beautiful, with an engaging smile) when that photo was taken.
Clark... the obvious answer is "because she IS a grandmother". Being a grandmother though doesn't give anyone other than her grandchildren implied permission to call her "grandma".
I understand some people might wish they had a grandma like me, but their grandmas might be more like me than they take the trouble to find out.
Personally, I don't want to be frozen 40 years in the past, having people say, "Wow, you were hawt," rather than, "Wow, look what you've done with your life."
Turning 65 in July and not joining the fight against aging, I can tolerate being told I was hot since no one ever told me that in my 20s. Intellectually arrogant women who take no crap are rarely hot.
upon thinking, I'm more sure of those who would use it that way, purposefully.
I can fully imagine someone, in a fit of "disagreement" (to use a word) hurling "grannie" as an invective, with the purpose of belittling and even being hurtful.
By reducing the word, there is reduction of the person(s) to whom it applies. A reducing or removal of any respect due. (and I'm not making the assumption that the mere act of one's own offspring procreating conveys merits and accolades; just that experience itself is something to be revered, regardless of who has it nor how it's applied)
There is also the implication, in the belittling of the title, that there is something wrong with being in that position. It not only puts someone in the position of "the other," but assumes that being "other" is the source of disagreement, to the point that agreement is not possible, as if the status prevented any other way of thinking or feeling.
That someone lightly, jovially, even well-meaning would use the same word - even in ways meant to convey respect - doesn't diminish the perceived sting.
I'm sure someone meant no harm - and thought no less of the person - when they said, "excuse me, colored boy..." (or "negro dialect...")
That said, if you don't like it, I won't do it.
Thank you Mrs. Raptor. Being pictures with grandbabies does wonders for one's appearance. The secret is hair, grandkids, smile, hide chin.
Don't apologize AtHomePilgrim, I hadn't made myself clear, and it is only recently I have been open about being Mary Jo. I don't remember who has called me Grandma in the past.
Mrs. Raptor, I will post your comment on my mirror. People have told me the gray hair makes me look younger. Dark hair is harsher on an older face.
To me, it's very ageist. But more than that. . . after all, if it were purely ageist we'd see more headlines about grandpas. And, mind you, I ain't even a grannie (and, since I don't have children, ain't ever gonna be one!).
Once you start looking, you see it everywhere.
So, since your screen name is "Redstocking Grandma" it's reasonable to believe that some folks who address you as "Grandma" are simply shortening your screen name for the sake of simplicity.
Also, isn't it reasonable for someone who hasn't read this particular post, to assume you don't mind being called "Grandma" since you do in fact have it in your screen name?
I agree with you that if you're crossing the street and someone in a car shouts out, "Move it along, Grandma!" that they probably aren't being complementary. But, if someone here sees your screen name and then addresses something back to you as "Grandma"... I wouldn't consider that ageist or sexist.
I am not changing my user name because it is Redstocking Grandma who has the reputation.
I realize that ageism is the air we breathe, so few people see it.
I like the Italian word "nonna" for grandmother, rather than grandma or grannie. In Hindi it's "daadi" and in Spanish it's "abuela." These seem miles better than the German "Grossmutter." I suppose English lucked out that it got the French and not the German on that one.
It's kind of funny - grandma is like "bitch" or even "lady" - a word that can be used to demean or endear, depending on who is the speaker.
I'd prefer to call you Mary, in any case.
referring to Carlin, who pointed out you should concern yourself less with the word than the intent of the one using it, words do change meaning in context. The obvious is (and forgive me for writing the word, but I do do for illustrative purposes only *cough*harryreid*cough*) "nigger" - used by a rap singer of African descent it's acceptable, by someone dressed like Col. Sanders waving a Confederate flag, not so much. Another is the word "breeder," as evidenced on Stellaa's blog, which, while technically accurate, when directed at someone with children is not uttered in an analytic manner. You know the meaning behind the word as it's used by the person using the word.
Some things are cultural. Some people call close acquaintances "cousin." "Uncle" and "Auntie" are also used for non-family members. (one OS'er, aunt Mabel?, is frequently called "auntie") In some cultures, anyone of a certain age is referred to as "Grandmother" or "Grandfather" out of respect, for their wisdom their status would (presume) to hold.
The other side of that coin are the cultures that use the terms, Grandma, -pa, for anyone of applicable age, precisely to label, pigeon-hole and even demean.
I'm sure some (anyone else on OS named grandma?) wouldn't mind the appellation. But, like Jodi (recently on her blog), you're right to put out a sign - "no, you don't get to call me that."
What Is a Granny?
Source: Moby Thesaurus II by Grady Ward, 1.0
62 Moby Thesaurus words for "granny": Methuselah, antediluvian, antique, back number, beldam, conservative, crone, dad, dame, dodo, dowager, elder, fogy, fossil, frump, fud, fuddy-duddy, fuss, fuss-budget, fusser, fusspot, gammer, grandam, grandma, grandmother, grannam, great-grandmother, hag, has-been, longhair, matriarch, mid-Victorian, mossback, old battle-ax, old believer, old crock, old dame, old dodo, old fogy, old girl, old granny, old lady, old liner, old maid, old man, old poop, old trot, old wife, old woman, old-timer, patriarch, pop, pops, reactionary, regular old fogy, relic, square, starets, traditionalist, trot, war-horse, witch
Who Are Redstockings?
"Redstockings" was a name taken in 1969 by one of the founding women's liberation groups of the 1960's to represent the union of two traditions: the "bluestocking" label disparagingly pinned on feminists of earlier centuries--and "red" for revolution.
Redstockings women would go on to champion and spread knowledge of vital women's liberation theory, slogans and actions that have become household words such as consciousness-raising, the personal is political, the pro-woman line, sisterhood is powerful, the politics of housework, the Miss America Protest, and "speakouts" that would break the taboos of silence around subjects like abortion..
Redstockings today is a new kind of grassroots, activist "think tank", established by movement veterans, for defending and advancing the women's liberation agenda. The Archives for Action is a project Redstockings established in 1989 to make the formative and radical 1960's experience of the movement more widely available for the taking stock needed for new understandings and improved strategies.
Mary is great, Gourmet Goddess. I was called Mary Jo to distinguish myself from my grandma, my mom, five aunts, and four cousins.
Good Daughter, I will have to repost "Silver Princess, My Hair Wars." I dyed my hair most of the last 20 years. When my mom died five years ago, we had to have the undertaker touch up her roots because we knew she would hate viewers of her open casket to know she was old. My brothers made tasteless remarks about hair's growing after death and six-feet-under beauty salons.
Our family has always called the baby's sheepskin a "furry." I don't think I heard the expression float.
Occam's Taser,there is a Granny Peace Brigade,( http://www.grannypeacebrigade.orrg) that regularly demonstrates in Manhattan. I am planning to become more active. Using Granny gives them much more visibility.
Would anyone on Open Salon address a mother as "Mommy"? My reaction might be influenced by my dad's never figuring out what to call his mother-in-law, my grandma, until he could call her "Grandma Nolan." My kids called my mom "Grandma Mary" and their dad's mom "Grandma Sheila."
my son's maternal grandmother is "Babcia" (BAB-cha) and grandfather is "Dziadek" (I think I spelled that right - JAH-dek). His aunt and uncle are "ciocia" (CHO-cha) and "Wujek" (VOO-yek)
so he only has one Grandpa and one Aunt (my sister). We were troubled with him having two Grandmas, as my father is remarried. (but my mom helped us with that one - since we don't talk to her anymore, she's the only Grandma we refer to by name).
By the same token, I've only ever called my stepmother by her first name. My wife calls her "mom" - but she also calls her sister's mother-in-law "mamusia" which is mother in Polish.
They also use "babcia" the way we would use "little old lady," pejoratively or no.
Oh, and any of them--Grandma, Mamaw, and Granny--would "whup your butt but good" if you misbehaved. The male equivalents for the first two were Grandpa and Papaw. I never heard of a male variant on Granny, but there were also fewer non-related old men taking care of young children. Grandpas and Papaws were also considerably less inclined to whup ya;).
Of course, my daughters call their stepfather, my husband, Andy. The youngest was 19 when we were married. But the grandchildren will call him grandpa.
Leeandra, thanks for sharing your Appalachian experience. My favorite librarian science teacher told me all her students called her Miss Marilyn .For my oldest daughter's first four grades, she had always called her teachers by their first names.
Probably because I had so many aunts and uncles (24 including spouses), we never called anyone else aunt or uncle except great aunts and uncles.
I like the idea of considering the whole human race your brother or sister.
I am so enjoying this thread. Thank you all for your thoughtful, fascinating comments.
I still loved her because she was my grandmother mainly because I thought I was supposed to love my grandmother. Actually, she didn't really do much to earn anyone's love. But like too many families, my mother's family had some serious issues such as physical abuse of children. Poor Granny! She was really hateful, but hated herself most of all, I think.
I am still a baby grandma; 2 and 1/2 years means nothing.
She tolerates it from me and my kids but not from anyone else.
Besides, why would anyone else call you Grannie or Grandma? That's just not right ... it's a special title reserved only for a few people in your life!
I just don't want anyone on OS calling me Grandma.
I was 40 when Grandma Nolan died; she knew 23 of her greatgrandchildren, all of whom came to her funeral. My mother didn't meet any of her great grandchildren.
My grandson refused to say either mama or grandma for a very long time. He was obviously teasing us. If asked, he would giggle and say "da-da."
I had to comment on the fact that I was 33 when my twins were a month old and yes, it is hard on them to have older grandparents. My husband's parents are in their 80s and my parents are young 60s ... and they did get to know my grandpa before he died. But I was very lucky ... I grew up with four grandmas. I even wrote about it on my blog (The Legacy of Women).
My dad said he couldn't wait to be a grandfather ... my kids are the ones who called him Papa. They adore him ... and I am glad. :o)
As for me, I am looking forward to being a grandma, but that is a long ways off (though it will get here quick enough!) and I am enjoying my kids' ages. :o)
(sorry, I couldn't resist)
Perhaps your grandkids (so LOVELY, BTW) will create their own name for you, as mine did. My grandson (the oldest and only boy of 6) didn't know what to call me at 18 mos - he knew I wasn't 'Mommy,' so he started calling me 'Mamai' (pronounced MOM-eye). It is my favorite word in the ENTIRE universe of all words, in any language. When his sister was becoming verbal, he taught it to her. Now they all know me by 'Mamai.' I feel very honored.
He is now on the cusp of turning 16, a sweet, wonderful boy who has finally attained my height (5'11"), will still allow long hugs and snuggling close on the couch, and lets me kiss him on the side of his forehead, the place I have kissed him for almost 16 years. As the oldest, I have long counseled him on his leadership position with his 3 younger sisters. He gets it. He is my first hope for the future, with the five girls shining in his wake as they grow (13,11,5,5,and 3).
I know all about the Redstockings and share your energy for keeping their legacy alive. Even my avatar says legions about me: 'dragonlady;' born in the Chinese year of the Dragon, it is also the name of my favorite aircraft, the incredible U-2 (which I love for it's beauty and abilities, not for it's use in wartime). And, I imagine, you don't wanna mess with the Dragonlady!!!
Rock on, Red! Rated.
I am delighted you commented, and I immediately made you both favorites. Dragonlady, I should post the history of my hair wars. Both times I stopped permanently dying my hair, I did it the crazy way. I had my hair totally frosted and had to endure being a blonde for six months. I hate, hate, hated being a blonde, although I understand it is a much more sensible solution for graying hair than trying to retain your original dark brown. I dyed my hair from 1988 to 2004, with the exception of two years (1992 to 1994). Five days after I left the salon, my roots started to show.
I would be happy to embrace any time my grandchildren had settled on. My grandson calls me grandma, and the others are being encouraged by my daughters to do the same. We don't have any family tradition other than grandma. Mamai is lovely.
I am so enjoying my grandson; he brings back so many memories of my younger brothers. When I watch teenage boys with their moms or grandmas, I realized what I missed with my 4 daughters, who were criticizing me more incisively than anyone ever will when they were your grandson's age. I can already see Michael's impact on the grand-girls, 15 months, 13 months, 4 months.
I love Dragonlady; I am always happy to meet someone else who knows who the Redstockings were. I wish I had kept all their literature.
Sam-Poet, I have been waging the wmen-not-girl fight my entire adult life. But I confess I sometimes refer I my daughters, 36, 34, 30, 27 as "the girls," but then my mom always referred to her 5 sons as "the boys." When I mean my daughters and their men, I often say "guys."
I was lucky. I breastfed my daughters all over Manhattan, and no one ever hassled me. I can't believe women still have to protest.
At my granddaughter's birthday party this week, a neighbor called me Grandma and so did another of their neighbors. It really raised my hackles. What the heck? These women were both around my age. I just said, "My name is Janice" to both. It felt really dismissive and I didn't like it one bit. The only people who call me Grandma are the grandchildren. The rest can be polite and ask my name if they can't remember it.
I selected Redstocking Grandma because it played tribute to both my feminism and my new transformation into grandmotherhood. I actually picked it so I can be the only one in the world.
I agree that is the single best picture of me ever taken. I am going to make it my avatar again.