Too cute! Just stay put! Too much paperwork, more therapy, more gas to lawyers, more of all of the above, would be worse! So just stay put and put your best efforts right where you are. And as our dearly departed father used to say, "You made your bed, now sleep in it!" Silly ole dad. You are where you ought to be! A very yummy, green nest you have built together on your beautiful farm. What could be more loving to the planet?!? Keep on doing what you're doing, girl! :)

Commune is the way to go. Let me know how that works out.

Mare,

I have no idea how you got hold of the photo of my backyard.
Now I'm shamed as well.........That abstract Junk Sculpture needs more blue, and it's racking slightly to the left......

Now we'll have people staying together for the trees.

::hurk!::

(thumbified to save resources)

If you had stayed together, you might have cried through so many tissues that it would enhance deforestation. Or, you might have had to go out for countless aimless drives to clear your dissatisfied mind.

You might be greener than you think ;)

Too funny! I don't think you should berate yourself too much. There's always something to feel bad about, huh? Who can keep up?

Say Mary, if you're considering a commune I know just the place.....

Thumbed because you got Jodi to say ::hurk!::

Well, another way to look at Liu's conclusions is that it's cheaper to live together then separate. So while your divorce made you temporarily a greater burden on the environment, your remarriages nullified this. I suppose the gas used in the the ferrying of the kids back and forth can be put up as an anti-green argument...but if you'd stayed together, doubtless that gas would still be being used, only now to ferry them to the extra activity they have time for.

Marriage has all sorts of efficiency properties; the environemental result is totally unsuprising. For example, human beings have ongoing needs for sexual relations; marriage is more efficient than the alternatives, fraught with difficulties though any sexual relationship of course may be. In the end, no one like being alone at 2 o'clock in the morning, and no one is ugly a 2 o' clock in the morning, therefore, in the dark at least. I shouldn't feel like I was destroying the environment however, as the people getting divorced usually pair up again; it is the single down time that is at issue in that sense, and the tranactions costs, i.e. moving, lawyers etc.
The children of course would have preferred something different, probably, although not always, and they adjust. The main concern would seem to be there, usually best dealt with by parents not poisoning the children against the other, which is usually the real cost of divorce, given human beings natural tendencies to find partners. and the driving issue is correctly identified by buckeydoc as a benefit, with the right partner, as long as one does not go from frying pan to fire with the next partner.

Well, isn't this just another kick in the teeth for republicans. They hate in-your-face Greenies in spite of their poster boy Ralph Nader having handed us 8 years of chicken George, but they also are big on the family values.

Live up to their word, and help the planet. Fall short of their word and piss of the greens.

Damn good thing so many of them can't walk the walk.

Now thrice married Bob Barr, sponsor of the Defense of Marriage Act, can walk proud, saying he sacrificed his vows to stick a finger in the eye of the enviro-nazis.

This could be the start of the Newt Gingrich COMEBACK!

Ha-Ha! You are just too much fun. It seems impossible to recycle with kids around - divorced or not divorced! The soda cans and bottles and paper wrappers and lunch bags and homework - it's insane! And, of course there's all the friends, the taxi-cabbing everyone around, the gatorades and slurpees after all the baseball games and football games and the feeding frenzies and cattle calls on the weekends. I used to recycle everything - green bottles, clear bottles, brown bottles, paper, aluminum. I used to separate everything and drop it off at the recycling center. Now I'm lucky if I get the trash out on time! Green cremations all around! :)

Divorce=all kinds of hell. Anti-green considerations rate somewhere below who gets the goldfish. Nice post.

Two can live as cheap as one...

This reminds me of that upsetting thing cyclists have to worry about. On the one hand, they are saving the planet by not using a car all the time. On the other hand, they are improving their fitness so they'll live longer, hence using more resources in total over the course of their lives.

Such a quandary!

""People have been talking about how to protect the environment and combat climate change, but divorce is an overlooked factor that needs to be considered," Liu said."

In all seriousness, this kind of inanity needs to be swept aside, not commented on. Of all the things that contribute to climate change, divorce is so far down on the list that I'm astonished it was even conceived.

Liu should be ashamed. Instead of contributing analysis on policy or practice that could actually reduce carbon emissions, this meaningless pap is released.

This reminds me of the study done by a quack who tried to say global warming was good because his research showed that mice thrived in warmer climates. Liu's findings are cowpuckey, and not worth worrying over.

And besides, happiness defies all economic measurement and statistical quantification.

And here I thought it was going to say that when you divorced, the standard ritual of throwing out perfectly good items because you can't stand to look at them any more was causing a landfill overflow.

By the way, I guess you're also saying Prop 8 was an anti-Green initiative, too, since it didn't allow for the consolidation of resource use and seems to intend gay couples to live separate and consequentially more wasteful lives.

Nah, if you got back with your ex, before long the two of you would be screaming and hollering and throwing each other's stuff out the windows. Just think of all the noise pollution and litter that would cause.

Talk about group therapy. This place is awesome...I no longer feel so guilty about all this. You know, sometimes you just can't see the forest through the trees (no pun intended!).

Cathy: So write...the therapy and gas to get there would be monumental.

Roger: I think that's your fantasy. You tell me about it.

Gary: Your poor backyard! Get out the blue paint asap, just make sure it's organic.

Jodi: Yes, let's stay together for the trees, forget the kids. They're replaceable.

buckeye: you are one of the many that set me free. There was a a year and a half period of time where I stopped wearing mascara. It was such a waste due to all the tears shed. I've also spared a lot of things being broken (although I have done that a time or two in my remarriage).

Amy: The list is endless on what we could feel guilty about, isn't it. Never a dull moment.

Bill S.-I'll get back to you on that one :)

Sandra: As usual, a most persuasive and intelligent response! I will remember this.

Don: You are spot on when you talk about the kids. My children are doing extremely well and are quite philosophical about the divorce and happy with the choice made. This is not to diminish the grief and pain inherent when restructuring a family (this is my clinical voice talking now). It is often times not the fact of divorce that hurts kids, rather it's HOW parents divorce that is critical. Thank you for a thoughtful and sensitive comment.

Geoff: That in defense of marriage guy is thrice married????? Why am I not surprised.

Stellaa: Puhlease! This is a whole another GUILT post. Just remember, I had those 4 children back in the day when I was a born again (and using a diaphram and nursing full time!). I accepted these little treasures as God's will. Today I'm glad I was so brain washed. They are actually contributing members of society, but still....

screamin mama: don't give up! it is overwhelming. Now I'm feeling guilty I haven't recycled the leaves that fell off my trees!

Man Talk Now: Yeah, at the time it really wasn't my concern that the environment survive. I was trying to make it one day at a time.

Jason: You made me laugh and you're so right. I got the Leonardo Capris (whatever his name) cover of Vanity Fair Green issue. They had an article about how much crap you use even when you're being absolutely environmental! It was so discouraging I thought if we all really want to be environmental, we should kill ourselves. Geez.

Snark: Well I wonder what happened to Liu and his little study. I appreciate your comment.

Liz: I LOVE your logic and your philosophy. Happiness and good will would be a hard thing to measure, but critical nonetheless.

Kent: You make a most excellent post about Prop 8! Those polluters...this needs immediate attention.

Procopius: Wonderful and spot on observation! Did you hear us at one time? The noise pollution...yikes. Definitely a lot of that.

"Double Destroyer"! :-D

MTK = Mutilate, Torture and Kill the Planet

Oh God Mary, I'm sorry...LOL

You KNOW the Catholic guilt thing cracks me up every time! I can just see you reading Cam's piece, thinking about how you're destroying the planet.

HIGHLY RATED for Facetiousness

Apparently it's better to compost a spouse than divorce one.

By that logic, Polygamist compounds (with strong birth control) would be the ideal arrangement for the planet.

Any takers?

(Shut up...I'm thinking...)

Poly-anything compounds. Let's not limit ourselves.

I suppose you and hubby could just knock off the ex-spouses. Does it say anything about the greenness of widowhood?

>>Geoff: That in defense of marriage guy is thrice married????? Why am I not surprised.

After the spouses get back and one kills the other , guess what? It'll be a new era of new composte! Burial grounds will be things of the past in a few years anyway.

Is there no end to your carbon footprint? How do you live with yourself?

You guys are hysterical. Greg, you are SO right. Cam started this whole guilt thing off...he did...he's responsible and he should feel very guilty about it.

High Lonesome: compost a spouse vs. divorce. That's really clever. I'm using that...hope you don't mind.

Verbal: Who would have thought those compounds were so environmental???? We need to rethink this whole polygamy thing.

Lainey: Excellent point!!!!! Too bad I have a conscience and might be tough on the kids. Where's Jocelyn when you need her?

Geoff: Huh?

Jason...so glad your humor is intact and strong as ever! Had a busy important day as you can see (also managed to see some clients) but will be writing you later...

Michael: Surely you are not asking me, mother of 4, divorced and remarried the carbon imprint question???? How would you know about the truck, the VW, the suburban, the subaru outback and my newly purchased I never knew a car could give me such shallow happiness that I'm now questioning who I am as a human being Toyota RAV 4 V-6 2009 car (I was helping the economy)??? This is nothing. My good friends, who shall remain nameless because living in Boulder, CO they could be lynched, now they have a HUGE carbon imprint: Plane, helicopter, boat, 5 cars, 2 motorcycles and who knows what else they are hiding. If I ever feel guilty I think of them. They should feel really bad.

I am sorry Mary. I shouldn't be so judgemental. It's just that most of my friends live under a bridge with running water. When the tide comes in it runs to the right, when the tide goes out it runs to the left. We share the same extention cord plugged into the restuarant next door. It's a simple but good life. We fish for our dinner and eat what we catch. Last night we had boiled boot.

Is it possible that there is a new term coined here?

"Carbon footprint guilt"

Think of the new therapy vistas! People will need therapy for the angst resulting from feelings of green inadequacy.

Well, everybody knows divorce is inefficient. Nevertheless, an efficient but unhappy marriage is not green; it's blue.

Which reminds me of a lyric I like, from a Fiona Apple song, entitled "Red Red Red"

"I don't understand about complementary colors
And what they say
Side by side they both get bright
Together they both get gray

But he's been pretty much yellow
And I've been kinda blue
But all I can see is
Red, red, red, red, red now
What am I gonna do?"

Mary,

Hilarious post.

Hilarious tags. But shouldn't they read "save yourself", "forget the planet?" (Uh oh, did I say that out loud?)

Oh Mary - this is a riot! Who knew that divorce was so anti-green? You had me cracking up about all the paper from the therapy bills.

Michael, I'm so sorry for you and your friends, although the fishing sounds fun. Do you have any room for my step-daughter? Recently she told her mother (she lives with us full time right now due to unfortunate health problems her mother is having), anyway, she told her mother she would rather live under a bridge in a cardboard box than live with us. Just thought I would ask.

Well Mary, concerning your step-daughter. She will have to supply her own box. And her own shopping cart. I can help her get a box as there is a freight yard not too far from here.
They just unloaded some double wide refrigerator freezers and the boxes pretty easy pickens if she hurries. They are roomy and cozy at the same time. Let me know soon. They go pretty fast. It's our way of recycling.

Michael, write a post! You're hysterical and I can tell you have many things to say. And I can tell you will be saying them in witty and well written ways, as evidenced by your comments. I'll pass this along to the step-daughter. You'll be a wonderful role model to her for going green.

Cherie: Due to the fledging economy, my practice has taken a little bit of a hit. This could be my new angle, especially living in Boulder with Carbon Imprint Guilt is sure to be rampant! Perhaps there's a book in here too! Thanks for the idea :)

Rich, I love the sentiments and I love the lyrics, done so well in your very mellow Texas kind of way.

m.a.h.: Your tags are so much better than mine! I'll have to be more creative in the future.

Lisa: You and I seem to share a similar sense of humor because that line still has me cracking up.

All the hot air saved when unhappy people divorce (plus broken plates) will make up for the other environmentally unfriendly elements.

A light bulb just went off ... what if we all got back together with our exes, commune style so the current spouse is included? Just one big happy family! Or maybe not, because you and all the other therapists would be joining the ranks of the unemployed.

Commune? What a dangerous idea. Keeping one person relatively happy is hard enough. Keeping three happy? Yikes.

Maybe we should just let the icecaps melt and live in the mountains. (kidding!)

Dear Mary, would like to write more, but the keys on this laptop I found in the ditch doesn't work too good sometimes. And right now we only got the one extention cord. My friend Ernie the electritian, found another cord in a construction dumpster. It is in need of repair. Harmonica Harry (he's an entertainer) used the last of the duct tape to fix a hole in his old box so, the repair will have to wait. Ernies hair is real frizzy due to an accident concerning high voltage back when work was less scarce. Hope the job market picks up soon. Anyway I gotta go, Chef Tell (not his real name) wants to plug in his hot plate.

Mary - a book! And you are in an ideal location - what an excellent idea!

Just make sure it's in your contract that the book will be printed on recycled paper with soy ink on presses powered by green energy sources.............

Not sure what the heck happened to my last reply. I *was* working from a dial up, but it ought not have cut off half the response.


>>Geoff: That in defense of marriage guy is thrice married????? Why am I not surprised.

Arrrggghhh!! I hate that kind of statement. Do people not hear themselves when they say those things? Let me make sure I understand. A married-couple household is more efficient that "a divorced household."

You are exactly right, Mary. The divorced household wastes a lot of resources. For example, think of all the dishes broken as they hurl them at each other.

I hate to point out the larger implication of this. A household with kids still living at home is going to use resources more efficiently. This means that you will only keep your Green Certification if the kids never move out.

You report

A married household actually uses resources more efficiently than a divorced household," said Jianguo Liu, an ecologist at Michigan State University

If one extends this logic then to be more green we should all become true socialists/communists and live in collective housing. I don't know whether that would be good or bad -- just seems like some faulty reasoning/bias is at work in that research.

I never blog whore, but I can't resist today. You inspired me.

Here are some REAL green tips for the masses.

Lea: thanks for helping assuage my guilt and saving some plates!

Vintage: I may lose my therapy job--good thing I'm a trained mediator. Those skills would definitely come in handy in a commune!

Randy: Agreed. I can't imagine negotiating more than what I already have!

Michael: You're being way too environmental. Get a job!

Cherie: I'm working on the book proposal right now!

Geoff: And I STILL don't know what your whole comment was.

Susan: You are so right and another thing to feel guilty about. Empty Nest Syndrome is selfish--keep them all at home (who am I kidding...boomerang baggage...these kids just keep coming and going).

Dorinda: I will say there has always been something appealing about the way Native Americans used to live. But in modern life, just can't picture it.

Jodi: Blog whore away...I always welcome that. Your post was great!

Lindsay: I like your logic. The solar panels...very expensive but we're looking into it.

By this standard, we should have polygamy to save the environment. I am still anti-marriage even if marriage is good for the planet. (rated)

Mary, get rid of the guilt. I saw this in the article abstract:
"Remarriage of divorced household heads increased household size and reduced resource use to levels similar to those of married households."

I wonder if the effect of marriage and divorce is truly what the study authors are seeing. Wouldn't this be true of any group-living situation in which resources were shared by several people instead of each one having a redundant home?

Thomas: Anti-marriage? That's un-American! Blasphemy. (As someone who's married and works with couples, I often think to myself: this is the most ridiculous impossible set up!).

buckeye: Between you and everyone else, there is no more guilt. I'm absolutely giddy over my wise and pro-earth choices.