I.am.so.with.you.

Boo on death!

And now I'm looking over my shoulder. Literally. really.

Yes, I have definitely jolted out of my sleep with that dreaded clarion call : You're going to die someday......well, duh! Thankfully, that's one of the things that I don't need to be reminded of. I am just praying that I go peacefully in my sleep. Ugh!

I don't know. Death seems so abstract. I don't want to die and I am scared of it but I'm scared of speaking in public more. That happens to me occasionally and I hate it. The anxiety level is tremendous.

My husband agrees with you though.

"It’s just that I’m so attached to my Ego. I simply can’t imagine the fact that the world will some day exist without me. I can’t fathom an ending, a finality, a non-existence of ME!"

And there in a nutshell is Why Most People Believe In Gods And An Afterlife.

(Also, I sense a Freaky Troll blog entry on death coming...)

The world would surely be a darker place without the light you bring each and every day here at OS and I am sure to your family & many friends. So, may you live each day knowing that you matter!

Mary, I didn't know anyone could make me laugh aloud about death, for Christ Sakes, Your daughters are correct, you need to stop. Funny beyond words, God, I love stuff like this. On the other hand, I have never seen anything quite like this. I have great fears too. If my house gets real dirty, I think, what if I died in all this mess, what would they think? Which is quite odd, for what would I care?

p.s. - Public Speaking scares the living daylights out of me. I would rather have 100 million 'rootcanels' than get up before a group of people and speak.

It is so incredibly disturbing when one of you OS people tap into the psycho-trough in my head and channel my inner thoughts.

(thumbified for creepitude)
::disclaimer: My flippant and possibly too-meta comment to this blog is not meant in any way to express a willingness to depart this life. If I die now, let's all blame Mary.::

I recall having my GP talk me out of a vasectomy at the age of 35 by saying there was a potential link between said procedure and prostate cancer. Therefore, were I older, he might recommend the procedure given something will ahve to take me out.

He then said that, given my young age, I could be faced with the prospects of "impotence or death" in my mid 50s.

I distinctly remember thinking that was a very, very tough call.

So, yeah, give me a damn microphone.

Only make sure it's not just my voice that can, uh, "perform."

mary, excellent post. death is something people spend most of their lives not thinking about but is something which needs to be looked at squarely. or as woody allen said, "i'm not afraid of dying, i just don't want to be there when it happens."

I think when I think of living on after death, I don't think of living as we do on earth. Naive? Perhaps, and time will tell for us all. You know I'm not religious zealot, I'm so far from it and we've talked about it before. What I mean (in a George W. Bush round about "kina" way) is that since I choose to believe that we live on, I choose to think of it as not with aches and pains, not with stressors and anxiety, not with heart ache and heart break, but with only love. That's how I keep my mind off fearing death.

The only thing I fear about death is the fear of possibly not seeing my family again. That sounds very contradictory (Monte, help me) but although I believe there is some form of our soul living after death, as with everyone else, all I have is what I believe, not what I know. No one truly does. We all have our "beliefs", but no one KNOWS. Except the aforementioned Bush. (I just have to give him a couple of extra kicks now that he's out.)

Love your story. It's funny and heart felt, as always.

Love and Hugs
Greg

Yeah, that damned ego keeps rearing its ugly head, huh? The mountains are full of monks spending their lives trying to shed the ego. I'll bet even some of them wake up in the night with the same thoughts as you have.

We were obviously separated at birth. (I've suspected it before, but the organ donor conversation sealed the deal.)

This is a hilarious post.

For a while, my brother, Frank, took to introducing me as "my sister who wants to live forever," and then I'd be forced to explain, not forever---just until I'm really, really, really old.

Wow. I have never ever ever felt this way.
I didn't know people really did.

Now, public speaking? No problem. Do it all the time. Almost daily.

Hell Mary, At least if you die tomorrow you can say you've been to Europe. I'll get to say I've been to Brewski's Pub.

I don't want to die either, but what I'm REALLY afraid of is a long suffering death. I've got Dr Kavorkian on retainer. I ain't going out that way. Put me to sleep like a family pet if there is no hope for recovery.

It's funny how you an write a post about death and still make me laugh the whole way through. I'd love to spend some time on your couch (pro bono, of course) just to hear you yell, YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, DON'T YOU!!! That would crack me up.

BTW, Welcome home!

I hate it when you do this, Mary. Call us out on something as inconsequential as, oh, say, DEATH. C'mon.

For this very reason I can't update my will. (Might bring on the dreaded event.) I DO cross myself in front of a church and I DO knock on wood and I DO throw the salt over my left shoulder when I spill it. And I hate it when Buddhist teachers go on and on about impermanence. (Couldn't they just be satisfied to go on and on??)

And my kids had the same reaction to that piece I did on Liver Cancer in my blog here on OS as yours did to your email. "Mom!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!"

I am trying to keep my fingers in my ears and hum, but unfortuanately I can still read this really good post. Rats. (I am an organ donor, so I'm not in total denial. But close.)

One time, some years ago, I was happy and in a good place in myself for a while, you could say content maybe, and I remember thinking "yes, I could face death now, it would be ok, nothing to fear, it could only be a wonderful transition, going home," etc. Then one night I had a dream in which I died, and all was nothing and black and vast and I began to, did, slip into an unspeakable, unfathomable sweetness. Suddenly the most profound panic gripped me and STOP! happened, and I awoke with a pounding heart and eyes wide open and I realised I was no where near ready to go, so many things I wanted to do, learn, see, experience, say, feel.

Thanks for reminding me of this. Sometimes I get numb stuck in an in-between place where I'm more afraid to really live but not really willing to die.

"I’ve realized lately that I’m a bit of a superstitious person. For example, now that I’m writing this post, I’m really afraid I’m going to die soon. Like I just put it out to the Universe and the Universe is going to teach me a lesson."

I think awareness of death is healthy, and that when I am totally aware and live as if death could come at any moment (because it can), I am sparklingly present in life and the eternal NOW moment, fully responding to life with heart wide open. This, to me, is divine. I'm suspicious of being too content now.

I'm against Death... always have been.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and thought you *were* dead? I've had this discussion with myself at 3:10 am:

"Okay ... now you're not really dead because you can see the light coming in from the windows. But that light looks weird... wait! is someone at the front door? The light at the front door looks weird. What if being dead is just being stuck in the same point of time and consciousness ? What if I'll be stuck feeling like this forever?!?!?"

At that point, either my husband snores or one of the dogs fart. Then I realize it's all in my head.

I thought I was the only one who had these weird night thoughts....

Mary, I don't really think about it. What I do think about, something that is perhaps at the root of your fear of death, is the fear of a life wasted, or at least one that did not live up to its potential. I fear that a great deal. I also fear for what would become of my family should I die. But I don't fear death, per se.

Of course, if I were diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, that might change. Or not. I still suspect my greatest fear would be for my family, and the sadness of leaving them so prematurely.

I'm certainly not looking forward to death, but at his point in my life, I'm not nearly as afraid of it as I once was. To me, life has worth only so long as it has meaning and purpose and challenges to be met. Right now my biggest challenges are trying to stay awake while trying to watch Olbermann and making myself leave OS before 2 am.

As for eternity, that's a far scarier concept to me. If I die and nothing happens -- well, I can live with that -- so to speak.

But suppose there really is a Hell and you're in it? Forever? Try as I might, I can't imagine a God that cruel.

Or suppose the Hindus are right and this life is just one of many, and you have to keep coming back until you get it right -- even if that takes you until eternity. Man, I get tired just thinking about that!

Oh, and I forgot to mention the part about where you come back as what you persecuted in this life. Boy, if that's true, that Bush guy has a lot of unpleasant lifetimes ahead of him in Iraq and New Orleans.

Mary, this was very brave of you, taking on the powerful "Pro-Death" lobby. I'm sure you're going to take a lot of harsh criticism.

I kid, of course. Light and fun. Rated.

I completely don't have a worry about death. I don't care if there is an afterlife, and yet, I do believe in God. I don't really know what most people believe.

Having engaged in enough public speaking to be relatively comfortable, and having nearly died more than once, my mortality seems apparent and the quality of how I live seems more of a concern to me.

Now the experience of physical pain, that scares me.

Ha Ha Tom! Does that mean Greg will come back as GW?

I can certainly relate. The only thing that has ever helped me to cope is the book No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hahn, and it helped immensely.

Seriously tho Mary...I'm not really afraid of death. I remember when I definately was tho...when my kids were little and I was afraid that I would die before they really knew me and how much I love them. I used to be very afraid then. But now? Not so much. All I know is that both of my parents are now gone and I have a definite realization of just how short life is...how few days I have left. Even if I do live until eighty or more. What will i fill those days with? How will I make a difference? Will I choose to really live or will I piddle away my existence on stupid and mundane thoughts and actions? How I live...now that's a subject that wakes me up in the middle of the night!

Love your piece here. I had your concerns until I had a near death experience--surgery gone awry--I heard them say: he's not gonna make it. But I did. And ever since then my attitude has been: I'm ready whenever its ready. And I do love life and have an incredible capacity for life. But that experience took away my fear in a surreal way. I fear the death of those I love, but when you've come face to face with your worst fears as I did, you see that it's just another part of life

Hmm...

I can't relate. I honestly don't think I've ever feared death, nor have I ever believed that death was simply a process of trading up. As long as I can remember (and I got my encyclopedia somewhere between three and four), I've simply thought of all of this in terms of a transfer of matter from one state to another. So death would simply be a complexity of phase shifts of multiple varieties of matter. I believe conscienceness is simply a very rigid series of long-term (relatively) chemical processes, rather than any particularly intriguing "I". Ego as Id with a twist.

Interesting and honest. I used to be very afraid of dying. Then, as my children got older I grew less and less afraid. Now I am no longer scared of it at all. I saw my best friend through her death from breast cancer. Ten years of it, 12 years ago. It was awful. I began to realize that I would not go the way she did. Several other people I cared about died. Now my parents are dying. My kids are 21 and nearly 16. They are raised, they will remember me. I am over 50. I have had a really good life. I have done a lot of what I wanted to do. I have lived with intention (long post on this coming up) and so, I am not afraid to die. I think I was mostly afraid to die because I did not want to leave my kids young and motherless. I wanted to raise them. Now I have. I can go if it happens.

Good luck in conquering your fear. I hope you can.

(PS As a very superstitious Jewish person now that you have spoken your fear out loud you need to spit three times to take away the evil eye you have called by talking about it!!!!:) You were right to mention that in your One More Thing.)

if you have a true faith in a loving god, just think of it this way:
God made life pretty sweet, when it comes down to it. So the afterlife will be sweet as well, even with a solution to all that me, me, me, all the time problem.

And if you do not believe that god even made this racket up, but that we are alone in a void when we die, in a void, there is nothing, including you, so no problem.

Logic makes me sleep soundly on this issue. Now if you could do the work on my family issues for me, I could actually get some rest.

We have difficulty imagining "nothingness"
I have to say, I agree with many eastern religions that reincarnation is the most plausible process in our journey of ego and soul.

Mare, I wanted to ask, you are flirting with the idea of mortality being a sort of crappy thing, but also immortality. I think after you pass away, you will be born again to solve the things left undone in this life..................................if, (God Forbid), that happens,in the meantime, may I have your stereo?

I used to be afraid of dying. Then I aged a little and became very afraid of dying.

Then I realized that my Open Salon blog posts will live forever and ever, and suddenly I don't worry about death anymore. With joy and relief in my heart, I realized... I'm immortal now.

In ancient Japan, before a dangerous battle or when seriously ill, it was customary to write a death poem. My fave is the Song of Atsumori, it seems to put it all in perspective:

"A man's life of 50 years under the sky
"is nothing compared to
"the age of this world.
"Life is but a fleeting dream, an illusion --
"Is there anything that lasts forever?"

Also, your title made me think of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA-N2O-O2Bw

I think the thing that freaks me out most about death is that whether there's something after or nothing after it will be eternal. And you are so right -eternity freaks me right the fork out. Great post. (ever so slightly neurotic posts are dear to my heart)

I had a similar experience with expectations of longevity - all 4 of my grandparents lived into their late 90's. Logically, I concluded, I would live til 120. In fact, I took 5 years out to relive my 20's, partying hard. Then both my parents died before they reached 70. And they died painfully, without much dignity, of cancer. I changed my mind - I have only as much time as they did, which gives me some 10-12 years. Maybe less. There's no fear because I know it's coming. Hey, I got stuff to do before then!!!

I’m w/idahospud44 – Not sure how you made this subject so fun, but you did. Thank you!

BTW – Are you sure the world/universe won’t actually end/vanish when/if you die?

(Wow. That’s a lotta’ slashes).

Not only is death a fearful thing, but even more fearful in our current age is not being ALLOWED to die peacefully. There is so much medical intervention all along the slow, slow natural decline that we have almost eradicated the decline altogether, artificially prolonging everything until we have to scream ENOUGH, NO MORE.

I have a chronic disease - one of the nasty ones that leads to lots of misery before ending. I SO PRAY TO DIE PEACEFULLY IN MY SLEEP - but not too soon, you understand!

Believe me though...I will be thinking carefully and precisely about the advanced health directive choices and language. It's hard to do at young ages...I suppose something you must continually update as you age and your condition and prospects change. But better to get it all in writing if you want to be allowed to go somewhat comfortably and easily. Still not much fun to think about.

"“YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, DO YOU? YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW THIS!”
Often, This is the best of advice.
Yes, bedtime for me...
I read instead.

Mare, you so need some hugs! Say no to death thoughts! Ouch!!!
And so no to Ambien, while you're at it, lil sis. Morbid doesn't suit you as you are such a bright light on this planet. Your kids said it best, "This is creepy beyond creepy!"

Have you ever thought of seeing a therapist to deal with this?

Think not of death and the end of your earthly life, not in the middle of the darkness or in your fearful fantasies. Your life is rich and abundant, more than most I know. You already know the secrets to keeping yourelf healthy in body and spirit and in love.

You are a lucky ducky, yet luck has little to do with your very blessed life.

Tell the dark voice of death to take a hike off a short cliff and keep on keeping on!

Viva la vida! xoxoxoxoxo big sissy

I have no fear of death. Maybe because of my birth - I really ought to have died then, so evey day is like a gift. I'd rather die suddenly, with a smile, than old & miserable. Even if that's tomorrow.

My "death dream" usually involves being hit by a bus I never see coming, but its a day dream.

I also have no fear of public speaking. Do it all the time.

Dating...now THAT sounds scary...

MAARRR-REEEEYYY, stoppit! Okay, I can't cross myself in front of a church or I'll be struck by lightening. Doesn't matter, I don't fear death And I'm really good at public speaking but please don't throw anything on the stage, promise?

AANNDD, you gotta remember, I've been there, done that death thing, it's a piece a cake! (Get BACK, Freaky!)

On the other hand, my mother's a therapist, so I know where you're comin from. And you have to stop torturing your kids. Well, not totally, that would take the fun out of life, but just about death. Okay?

It's strange, but I, with all my weird phobias and panic attacks, is not afraid of death. I don't know why. Interesting and funny post though. :-)

Mary, you should have written this in a way that would have pissed people off so we could all get a day or two's worth of "I want to die" posts...followed by "Top Ten Ways to Die" posts followed by Freaky posing in a coffin.

Seriously, thinking about eternity is disconcerting to me also. There is something in human beings that is focused on striving & changing while eternity seems to set us up for stasis. It doesn't feel right...at least while we are younger. Maybe at 75, it don't seem so bad. I count you as someone still younger.

I'm getting here late again and I don't have time right now to do this comment justice demanded by your excellent post Mary. Let me just say there is a difference between not wanting to die (or, wanting to Live) and not wanting to think about death.

It's very, very important that we think about death as much as possible, far more than is normally considered normal or healthy in this culture. In fact the first thing I tell new parents is to think about their children's deaths. As soon as we are born unto this life the only thing assured about our existence is that it will one day end. And it's important to have thought about and considered what that ending might mean before it arrives.

I'm just sayin'. And Mary, clearly you have thought about death, and thought about your death and that much, at least, is good.

I gotta go now, but I'll just leave you with this for now - think about your death, prepare for your death. When it comes, you'll be glad you did.

well, in my case, i find that the closer i get to death, the less attractive life is. i'm not the nimble lad of times gone by, i'm absent minded, some high level intellectual processes are only vague memories, and not only do young girls not smile at me any more, their mothers are not very affable either.

in short, by the time death grabs my heel, i'll hardly notice the difference. so relax, is the message. death is the way you get re-cycled.

You sound like my dearly departed mother- in- law, Mary! She obsessed over it and was scared to death of it...

I would rather jump out of a plane (with a parachute) than to have to speak before a crowd.

I don't want to die for a long time but, I have no fear of death. Just hope it's fast! May you have a very long, happy, healthy life! You actually made death kind of funny!

I don't worry about death nearly as much as about dying. Dying some deaths, certain kinds of deaths, dying those deaths scares me shitless. Dying any death, I suppose, will be a bummer.

I'm struck by how similar your thinking process is to my own. I, also, have my most morbid realizations late at night, just before I get sleepy. "Well, if there is a God, I’m dead for sure!" is the funniest line I've heard all day. What's more, I could have said it. You just beat me to it.

Anyway, that's my egotistical take on your ego's fear of death. I wish you good luck and long life.

I have always been somehow missing the "fear factor" - honestly, there is just no warning system built in. Just check my 25 post - #1 is hanging out in the treetops as a kid.

Often, when I'm in in yoga class the instructor talks about the fear issue because it's a higher level yoga class and we're doing handstands and other inversions and arm balances on a regular basis. Often she'll look at me and laugh because I've been studying with her awhile and she knows that there is no "uh-oh" built into me. Believe me, I don't think that it's because I'm brave - more likely I'm just missing that portion of my common sense.

And death? Could be an adventure some time down the road, but hopefully not any time soon. However, if so, either nothing is there after and I won't know or I'm off to some new journey......

"Death is our eternal companion. It is always to our left, an arm’s length behind us. Death is the only wise adviser that a warrior has. Whenever he feels that everything is going wrong and he’s about to be annihilated, he can turn to his death and ask if that is so. His death will tell him that he is wrong, that nothing really matters outside its touch. His death will tell him, ‘I haven’t touched you yet."
Castenada - like him or not. I often think of death as being a constant companion lurking just to the left out of sight. Not in a macabre way - just a realization. Thanks mtk and wishing you a long life!

Well at my age--78--you k now I cant't feat death, sweet Mary, Mary quite contrary. It's a commin' for sure. I tell what I do fear. That my first three children (not my fourth--the baby) but the three bastards sons of bitches--those wretched boys--I fear they will outlive me. I want to watch them all die and I want to bury them. Now what are the chances of that happening? huh? Mary promise me if I die before them that you'll learn the arty of voodoo and whack em off

Fear of death can be very healthy at a young age, since its purpose is to keep you out of tree-tops (that means you artfish) and out from in front of buses and generally out of danger. But ironically that's when most have the least fear of death, thinking themselves invincible.

But with maturity, fear of death should be replaced by respect for death because that respect motivates us to make something of ourselves and to use our time wisely. Unfortunately, some take that to mean being endlessly productivity.

But respect for death should make us appreciate our days, and help us to enjoy a beautiful sunset or time spent with our children or a kiss.

Fascinating. For me death is all about all of the things that I m going to miss. I don't fear the state of nothingness since I won't know anything about it. But I am convinced that there will be wondrous occurences that I so need to know about.
See what you did? (Smile)

"I am not afraid of death....I just don't want to be there when it happens"..............Woody Allen
I don't think of it often although before getting on an airplane I always call or leave a message for my kids telling them I love them!!
Guess that is thinking about it in a distant way. Yikes.

You've got some serious death issues. Seek professional help (from a real honest-to-god psychiatrist).

All living creatures resist death, but what is being confronted here is a morbid fear of death.

It's why I loved the HBO series, Six Feet Under: it gave us an opportunity to look at death from various angles, up close and personal. One may never be thrilled by the idea of Death, but perhaps we can find some peace with it.

Mary---I don't do this a lot. You probobly won't see it again. I'm one of those people who stick there hands out when I see someone ---rather than go in for the hug.

But please. Consider this note a hug.

Your pal, Roger

Try writing your obit. You'll discover you have so much more to do because that dash between birth and death is too short.

Your headline is exactly what my four-year old granddaughter has started saying. It's amazing how the new reality of it upsets her. In fact she says, I really, really really don't want to die. She also has the idea that you die at 100, and keeps asking everyone how old they are. Then she wants to go back from the ancient age of 4 to being a baby.

I guess that's what we really feel when we first find out, and then we bury the fear. A big question would be what you prefer, a quick death or a slow one where you have time to say goodbye?

Are you sure you didn't say to you client “YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, DO YOU? YOU REALLY DON’T F_ _ _ _ _ __ KNOW THIS!”

Sorry, Mary. Can't relate. I've always been too curious about it to be really scared, although I will admit to a certain discomfort, especially if it includes anything to do with deep water.

But, if you'd like to talk about it . . .

But if there are gods out there who can be tempted, then isn't it all good and kind of exciting in a strange kind of way???

And if there aren't any, you can't tempt them, so the thoughts are okay.

Even if you could tempt them they might enjoy taunting you more by allowing you to live many years with the thought of the article you wrote.

But honestly, I know how you feel. These thoughts sometimes enter and drive one nutty. Breathe, and engage in something beautiful. Look at a mountain and say, "how amazing is that, and how great it is that I am alive to see it."

I love it when people say "If there is a God ... " L0ve, Life and Truth ... what did you think that is ... your Aunt Joesy? Christ spoke about eternal life. Adam knew, Abraham knew, Moses, Daniel, Isaiah ... they all knew. It was love that created us. God IS love, and love IS God. But people love death more than life, and so, death is what they receive. But, those who believe in life will never see death, but will pass from life to life. That is what Christ taught and I run to that word with arms out stretched just as he does to me ... and that, my friend, is what I expect we will do as the last breath escapes my tired lips. Peace be with you and with your spirit. May faith, hope and love carry this message to the utter depths of your heart.

Dying doesn't bother me so much as not existing does.
The only good advice I got re worry: a total waste of time to worry about things that are not definite...well, ok, death is sort of guaranteed, but not that it will happen tomorrow.

I must confess that I inadvertently did a "post and run"---Greg knows what is meant by this. I posted and then went back to work. I just finished a long day and was surprised to see all the comments. It was one of those posts that when I hit "publish" I thought, given the nature of the post, it would disappear quickly. I've read through enough of the comments to be in awe. I'm blown away by the wisdom, humor, thoughtfulness, frankness, compassion and playfulness of all. My brain is fried (in the best of ways) from a long day, but I will be up bright and early to respond to each and every one of you (should you decide to return). I'm going to bed with a full and grateful heart.

You know what Seinfeld says about that #1 fear. "At a funeral a guy fears giving the eulogy more than being in the coffin.
Great post as usual. I think about death in weird ways. As a cancer survivor I wonder about every twinge, pain, etc.
I've been away from OS for the last several days. Glad to see your post.

i have no idea why my comment posted 3 times.

We're close on this: you don't want to die and I simply refuse to. Oh sure, I may eventually leave the planet. I may, when I'm good and ready lay this worn out body down (when it actually is worn out and is a drag), I may take on invisibility, but I refuse to die. Besides, I already had the opportunity and passed on it. To borrow from Richard Jeffries, "It is eternity now. I am in the midst of it...This is the eternal life." Now. That's something to fear. It's also something to wallow in. Perhaps death is just not living right now, but rather regretting the past and dreading the future. Thanks for provoking this ponder. Very timely. Solid.

Eternity is not a succession of moments... it's outside the system altogether. It isn't "long" in the sense that you're afraid of. You will be okay.

Dear Mary -You titled this "I don' t want to die" I do
not mean to put words in your mouth but could the title
be "I don't want to die, because........"

My only concern is regret. I don't want to be at the moment of transition and think that I didn't do this or that, or did do this
or that, that I didn't like. Live fully in the moment. Maybe
your fears are more about something that you have left un-
done. Get into every moment baby.

I have to add this. You talk about the darkest, scariest
creepiest time of night. That's when I dance. Really. I dance
at that time to charge up the night. The deepest darkest time.
I just get into it.

I don't know, I am not so much scared of dying myself as I am of the people in my life dying, the ones I love.
As a child I used to pray for all the four of us ( my parents, my brother and me) to die together when we do, and not make one survive the others.
I don't di that now of course but still the thought of losing them freaks me out so much that I'd rather go before having to go through that.

Since I have now lost both parents, and both my brothers I have had quite a bit of attention on that taboo subject! If I let it, it could drive me nuts!
But I go this road.....(I wrote a poem)
Home
Keep the home fires burning
Keep the hearth open still
Watch out for cold winds
That find us with a chill
Bring a happy glow to those
Whose love you value still
And keep the wolves from the door
And the pie up on the sill….

Make a bed for those weary heads
To lay upon and snore!
And send each one you love a kiss
And those you don’t ~ ignore!
For all through life’s long journey tread
With softness lest you leave
Another’s soul with emptiness
When warmth is what we need!

© 2006

[end quote!
I find that if I focus on the fact that I am HERE... and take time to LOOK around me, enjoy the beauty and artistic things in life...
Surround myself those objects / people/ music etc that bring joy and happiness....
And then... why you find... you're not so FIXED on that taboo subject after all. . . .
(((good luck!))))

Rated xx

Odette: I like that, "Boo on death". And now I've passed on my neurosis to you. So sorry!

onecorgilover: I think that would be very nice and gentle. As so many have said on these comments, some don't fear death, they fear HOW they will die. I hadn't thought of that when I wrote the post, but of course, the process of aging is a whole another subject. Thanks for commenting.

Kaysong: Well then maybe those studies about the fear of public speaking are right. I've heard that Barbara Streisand always throws up before a performance. Hard to believe but apparently its true.

Verbal: You're right...it does remind one of Freaky Troll doesn't it, but she has been suspiciously absent from these comments.

George: Well, thank you for that. My Ego thanks you for that :).

idaho: You bring up an excellent point! I need to clean my house, get rid of the journals...but then, you bring up another excellent point. Really, what difference will it make. I'm glad you were able to laugh. If I didn't have my sense of humor...well, it wouldn't be pretty.

George: 100 MILLION ROOT CANALS...wow...I guess I can feel kind of good that I'd rather speak to 100 MILLION people than get one root canal!

Jodi: Loved your comment and your disclaimer! Big laugh.

Geoff: You are, as usual, witty, dry, candid and way preoccupied with sex. But hey, what's life for?

mjay: I love that Woody Allen quote. I do agree that it is important to face death...it's been said it is only when we face death that we can fully live. I like that.

Greg: I appreciate all your thoughts about death. And I like your approach. As you said, no one knows, well maybe some do, but the focus on love..that always softens the hardest of things.

Julie: I think you're right! I listen to Pema Chodron from time to time and her humanness oddly enough inspires me. Thank you.

Larry: Yes your beautiful poem does ease my mind. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Your theme of joy and gratitude is what stood out most for me. This is a focus that will never lead us down a dark path. Thank you much!

m.a.h.: You're right! We were separated at birth and we absolutely must meet each other one day! That Frank...he's a hoot. I love how he introduced you to people. Gotta love those brothers! Thanks for your comment.

Luland: First, I'm sorry for your migraines. I've had a few in my lifetime and no, not good. My father suffered from "cluster headaches" AKA "suicide headaches". Very painful and difficult to witness his suffering during those. Thanks for understanding that it may be a little more challenging, the whole death thing, for those of us who have not have models of long life...although I remind myself that although my father died at 65 (brain tumor), his brother is now 91 and still married to his first wife, living in their own home, and he still plays golf and the violin. And has a terrific sense of humor. Surely I've inherited some of his genes! Thanks for resonating.

wakingupslowly: Wow, you are doubly blessed. No fear of death and no fear of public speaking...you've got a book and a tour girl...and I'll come see you!

Michael: You can have a pro bono session on my couch any time! Yeah, I didn't even get on the subject on the long suffering thing. Funny though. My mother had Alzheimer's and talk about long suffering...like 12 years worth. Horrible nasty disease. Several of her sisters had it, sounds like my grandfather had it and I just don't worry about that one, even though maybe I should. I do know I don't want my children to go through what we went through with my mother.

Seattle: Your comment made me laugh. Our poor kids! I'm actually finding some solace in Buddhist teachings, especially Pema Chodron, and the whole impermanence thing. I think it's annoying because it's true. And you're so right, they really could just top with the on and on...okay, you and I will continue to muddle our way through this one. Thanks!

Sherie: Thanks so much for your great comment. And your middle of the night creepy dark Death dream. I also agree that awareness of death is healthy...I'm just finding my balance on this awareness. Because of my parent's early deaths (earlier than I would have liked), I do spend each day grateful for what I have, grateful for the breathe, grateful for the many gifts that are offered to us if we are awake enough to notice them...and I still am trying to find the balance. Balance...that most elusive of all states. Thanks for your wonderful share.

karinb: No more Death! No more Death! Huge demonstrations at the White House...we can start a movement. So, no, I've never dreamed I was dead...that would be strange and creepy. My son did total his car once and it rolled over. Fortunately, the smart boy (who was not so smart with the way he was driving) was wearing a seat belt. Shortly after rolling over, he found himself outside the car looking at it. He didn't remember getting out and he was asking himself if he was dead. A very vivid moment for him. I love the reassuring sounds of your husband's snore and the dog's fart...sounds that suddenly become precious. Thanks!

Procopius: I understand what you are saying. This is not something I really struggle with...the fear of a life wasted. I had a huge "awakening" about 15 years ago, and my life since then has been full and wonderful and productive. I feel good about that part. But I always have the sense that there will never be enough time. There's not enough time to read all the books, just right there. I'm greedy for time. Thank you for commenting.

Tom: You are very funny...love the humor. I love Obermann...always try to stay awake for him (easy because he comes on at 6:00). I was taught to believe in Hell and Limbo and Purgatory and don't worry about those because as you said, if there is a loving God...And the reincarnation thing...why is it that those who believe in reincarnation also seem to think that in a past life they were like a king or queen or pharoh...they never just seem to be the ordinary people. I don't get that. Thanks for the wisdom in your humor.

Man Talk Now: You're also funny and I'm glad you didn't take my serious post oh too seriously.

Susanne: I like how you think. I'm beginning to find that those who have experience close encounters with death are the ones that seem most free from this fear. There is something to learn from all of you.

gracie: Oh dear, we would never impose that thought on Greg would we? Yikes! Yours is the most important question of all isn't it: We all know we are going to die. It's really about how we live. Thanks for the reminder.

Brian: Thanks for the recommendation. I've red some of Thich Nhat Hahn and I will definitely read this. Thank you so much!

Jason: You are an example of someone who has had a near death experience. I know several people who have had these experiences and, like you, come out of them with less fear and more peace. I'm learning...I'm learning. And you are a person full of life. I think of you this way. Thanks for the comment.

Catamite: Fascinating comment...I like your thought process. I like the emphasis on conscienceness. Ego as Id with a twist...that's just brilliant.

Lisa Warren: I have spit 3 times as you instructed me to. Phew! Because I am facing this fear, and anytime I've devoted myself to facing something, good always results, I am confident, well pretty sure, that I will not be so terrified, at least in more moments than I am now. And I agree with you...my children are all in their 20's...they'll be fine...I don't have that big of an ego...when my father at 63 was told of his malignant inoperable brain tumor, he took it in stride. He was a very grateful man. He wanted to be cured, he wanted to live longer, but he also accepted that he had had a great and fulfilling life and focused on that. His attitude made it just a little bit easier for the rest of us. Thank you for your comment.

epriddy: Since I love logic and consider myself a logical person (for the most part) I find comfort in what you are saying. It's a win/win situation. As for the family issues...now there's something to worry about!

Gary: Are you sure you want my stereo? It's really not that great. Now, I do have a kick ass big screen HD or something or another obscene TV that gives me much pleasure, especially when I'm watching football. But you might have to wait for my husband to die too. Like your afterlife perspective and have immediately adopted it. Why not?

Man Talk Now: I loved this, "Then I aged a little and became very afraid of dying". I'm glad you came to your solid conclusion: Yes, you are forever immortalized through OS. Who would have thunk?

Harry: Thanks for the Song of Atsumori. True true. And the video...that was good. I especially would not want to die in an unmerited war.

JustJuli: So happy you resonated with my neurosis. Neurotic people, there's something just so endearing about them!

Ardee: I like your style! No time to focus on death while there is living to do. Life can be real humbling can't it? Thanks for reading and commenting.

David D: Now wouldn't that be the ultimate EGO...when I die, I'm taking the world down with me. Glad you enjoyed...I can work through painful issues so much easier with just a little bit of humor. But your comment reminds me..have you ever wondered if our lives are just one big huge gigantic vivid dream that we will wake up from one day? I've told people this and then I tell them they aren't real, they can't really prove it to me and they are just part of their dream. They seem to get annoyed when I tell them this :)

Feathered Thing: Thank you so much for your honest and important comment. This worries me as well. I watched my mother suffer for years and I did not appreciate the medical establishment one little bit. There was not a whole lot of compassion and care. You are the kind of inspiration I was talking about. Thank you.

o'steph: Reading is good. I love to read. Thanks for reading this.

Just Cathy: Hey thanks for the great Sis advice! You already know this about me, I know you do. You will be happy to know that I started working with a "spiritual coach" about this exact subject. The smile in her face assures me that relief is on the way. Thanks for all your love.

Brian B: I admire your attitude and am learning from it. Now, what's that movie with Will Ferrell, Stranger than Fiction...I think that had some bus hitting people themes. I would no like the dating process one little bit. That is a perfectly rational fear. Thanks for your comment!

Sally: Looking forward to reading your latest ON THE COVER piece about marriage. A much more pleasant subject. I think I stopped torturing my kids about this awhile ago, although one of them after reading this post, my 25 year old son, texted me with "Don't die". I think I've really screwed up here. Good thing I'm realizing it and I can try to do some repair work. And yet another person who has done the death thing...and it's a piece of cake. I'm becoming a believer.

Yoga fix: I love your comment...I love your thoughts about what happens after we die. I do enjoy the pondering...it's part of how my brain works. I especially loved this, "thanks for reminding me of what it is like to be youthful and innocent again before all the worldly madness swamped us." This is a great visual. And the Peter Murphy lyrics...perfect. Thank you!

Lauren: Good! Don't add this one to your list! You've got plenty on your plate. And I'm glad you found the humor.

JKBrady: A good reminder of the power of meditation...I've done this off and on. Hard for me to sit still so walking meditations work well..I do some great meditating on my bike...hope that counts! There's that public speaking fear again...very interesting. Thanks again.

McGarrett50: So good to hear from you! Glad you are still here (I think you put up a new post and I will read it). Yes, the eternity thing. If it exists, let's hope that whoever is in charge just makes it one big grand adventure. I could be excited about a big grand adventure. You're right...I'm young...I figure I'm halfway through this life (there's a little bit of denial in that statement, but denial can be a healthy thing). Thanks so much.

Lonnie: You are so great to leave such a wonderful comment. As I said in my comment to Cathy, I began working with a spiritual teacher a couple of weeks ago on this very subject. I'm looking forward to the process of learning. A book I read years ago reminds me of what you are saying. It's called, "Necessary Losses" and begins by saying that when your children are born, you experience the loss of knowing that you will not always be with them. I may revisit that book. Thanks Lonnie!

al: I have a hard time believing this! You surely still have a great sense of humor...I loved the line about the mothers not being very affable either. And, "death is the way you get re-cycled"...now that really helps. Truly. Thank you.

Just Pamela: You are most fortunate! If we can't make death funny then we may as well just go ahead and kill ourselves! As for me, I'm not jumping out of a plane, no way, even though my skydiving 3000 jumps friend Don says he'll take me. No, I don't want to do it. But speaking in front of people? Where's the mic? Thanks for reading and commenting.

Rich: You made me laugh and you're right...this is an ego discussion at its heart. You're right about the process of dying part too...that seems to be a common feeling here. Many can handle their lives ended, it's the how it ends that causes anxiety. Back to the great addage: One day at a time. Thanks for reading. Good to see you!

Cherie: I love your story about yoga and you are one brave woman to being doing all those contorsions...I'm with you...I prefer to think of it all as one grand journey...this is the most comforting of thoughts. Thanks!

grif: Your words of wisdom are always like a balm. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comment.

Vicious: So good to hear from you, soft melted hearted woman that I know you to be! Hmmm...now you know it's not my style to practice any kind of whacking off voodoo...but how about this? I can hunt them down and force them into therapy so they can explore and take accountability for the various and assorted ways they have hurt their mother. This could be good torture for them.

Tom: So good to see you again. I am doubly blessed with your comments. What is the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young"?
There's truth to that. And you're right. A respect for death gives us a great appreciation for all the beautiful and wondrous things life brings.

Harp: Hey, you got it without me saying it. My children are all in the 20's seemingly nowhere near marriage and children or just having children. I would never pressure them, but I think to myself, "Damn, I want to know my grandchildren--I want to go their weddings, I want to know my greatgrandchildren...they better get on this". I never tell them that. That would be obnoxious. But I do think about it. Thanks for resonating.

lorimac: You should be calling your kids before you go to the grocery store for some milk. That is the riskier thing! Since I know you so well, you know you are a great role model for what not to worry about!

Wayne Gallant:.....hmmmmm....would we really say that I have a MORBID fear of death. I'm willing to consider the possibility. I'm open to that...just not a psychiatrist. I associate psychiatrists with prescription drugs and I'm not looking for that. But explore this I will...thanks for your directness. Frankness is a quality I always appreciate.

Monsieur: Always a pleasure to hear from you, no matter the subject. I tried to watch Six Feet Under, but the opening scene of someone dying always caused anxiety. I just couldn't do it. I have a sister who worked for a mortuary for years. She is a person who doesn't fear death. There's something there. Thank you for reading and commenting...

Roger: THANK YOU!!! I feel honored...I really do.

rijaxn: As much as that makes me gulp, I will do as you suggested. I've heard that when you go through Hospice training they ask you to do it. I will do this as part of my work as I'm struggling and kicking around this. Thank you!

Lea: Your little 4 year old grandaughter...how precious and painful to hear her wrestling with this. Special little girl. I know you as someone well acquainted with death--your life is a true inspiration (I started reading your new post last night...you are so friggin brave I can't begin to tell you...am going back to finish it soon). Your question is a good one...I can't decide but my husband is definitely of the camp that you go slow so you can say all your goodbyes. Thank you.

Sassy Sister: Ah, you know me way too well!

Tim: Deep water? Did you see Open Water? Yikes! I decided that I can control this...I will not drown. Don't want to do that. But now I think I've jinxed myself. We do need to talk one of these days...or a cup of coffee...Denver is really a hop, skip and a jump.

davidjaka: Loved your comment. big smile on my face. Your logic is comforting. Since I have the ridiculously good fortune of living in Boulder, Colorado, there is not a day that has gone by in the last 26 years where I don't look at The Flatirons and thank whoever is in charge for them. They remind me of the ocean. The power of these mountains, who have been here a hell of a lot longer than me, well, can't explain it. There's just something transformative about them. Thanks for the comment and the resonance.

Jesseppi: Thank you so much for your comment and your conviction. I'm hearing you, I'm listening. I appreciate you.

marcel: Yes, it's the not existing part...but I think I may be getting that part wrong. For today at least, I'm not worrying about it at all. Do much to do, too much to enjoy. Thank you.

Roger: So good to see you, I've noticed your absence. I got rid of the other comments so no worries there. I love Seinfeld! I think Carlin also had some great things to say about death. I know you are a cancer survivor and bring that unique perspective. When I think of you, I think of someone full of life. Thank you!

Beautiful and honest!

Redstocking: Yes, I've thought the same thing, even though there are no grandchildren. Seems to me that the older I get the more I learn the lesson of "letting go". Hard to do, but when we do, it's easier than we thought. I'm working on this.

AJCalhoun: I like your spirit. Let's go when we are good and ready to! And I think you're on to something here: "Death is just not living right now"...I don't want to regret the past or dread the future. Living in the now seems to be the best plan I've come up with...so far. Thanks!

Allie: Sounds good to me and honestly I don't say that flippantly. Our brains are so finite. This is why I could never be an atheist. I think it takes as much faith to be an atheist as it does to be a believer. I'm really okay with "I just don't know." Thank you.

Dakini: Thank you for your comment! I truly am content with how I am spending my life. I love my life. I hate going to sleep because I'm missing out on life. I love to wake up. I love my work. I love where I live. My children mean more to me than I can express. I LOVE your suggestion of dancing in the middle of the night. I will try that the next time the dark and creepy voices come. I will get up and dance. Sometimes I tell my clients to sing their fears. They always start laughing. This works for me as well. When I sing them, they seem silly. Thank you again for your wise words.

Moana: I relate to what you're saying. My mother was 10 when her mother died. When I turned 10, I lived in fear almost the entire year that she would die. One day I realized that I was one of 7 children and why did I have such a big ego to think that my mother would die when I was 10? This brought me immediate relief. I understand your fear. A good friend and I were hiking several months ago. She was very close to her mother. She told me that she couldn't imagine her life without her mother. Her mother was killed in a car accident 2 weeks later. This has been devastating to my friend, but she is also realizing she is stronger than she knew and that her life will go on, despite the grief she is in right now. I think sometimes the "anticipation" of things is much harder than the thing itself. Thanks for your comment.

nahatsu: Great comment and your suggestion will be my practice today. The light shuts out all darkness...this much I know to be true. Thank you for taking the time to write such an encouraging comment. It is truly appreciated.

Thank you Mungular!

R.I.P. (Run In Place), it works for me. I'm too damn busy to think about the "Here After" or whatever it will be for me. Great post. I gotta go get ready for my monthly Toastmaster's meeting. Later...

".would we really say that I have a MORBID fear of death. I'm willing to consider the possibility. I'm open to that...just not a psychiatrist. I associate psychiatrists with prescription drugs and I'm not looking for that"

I'll go beyond saying that your fear of death is morbid, and state that it is pathological. If so, then it does require professional help.

What defines a pathological fear from an ordinary one? Simple. If it has negative effect(s) in your life.

You say, I blurt out, “YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, DO YOU? YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW THIS!” and, I wake up to The Voice screaming, “You’re going to die some day!”. You also admit to "kind of shaking" when checking the organ donor box, - aren't these all displays of your fear of death having negative effect on your normal life? I would say so.

Addressing your statement that you associate psychiatrists with prescription drugs, I find that wrong on a couple of counts. First, it is discrininatory. Not all psychiatrists are alike, just as all blacks are not criminals, all asians are not poor drivers, etc. Secondly, until you actually talk with a prospective therapist (and I heartily recommend to anyone seeking therapy, that they do), you can't say that he or she favors or disapproves of drug therapy. Is your opinion perhaps a denial, an avoidance?

Were I looking to enter therapy again (I was in treatment with a psychiatrist some years ago - she NEVER suggested drugs, BTW), I would find one who practices Gestalt Therapy. She will be most unlikely to advocate a chenical cure.

I address these words not just to Mary, but to anyone facing similar problems, and from some of the comments, I'd say that there are a few.

Sadly, our modern culture has removed death from our daily experience. How different from a century ago, when animals were slaughtered locally, Mom wrang chickens necks, and grandpa died at home. We, as a people need to demystify death. As Eckhart Tolle points out, death is not the opposite of life, death is the opposite of birth.

Texas: I like your style...good luck with the Toastmasters meeting. My father did that for years...I tried it a couple of times, then tried out Speaking Circles...very different approach. All the best.

Wayne: I appreciate the time you took to recomment and I promise you I will take everything you said into consideration. Not to backtrack on anything I said, but a lot of my writing here is done with humor and exaggerration. Take that into consideration if you chose. I've done a good deal of personal work, including an 8 day intensive process called The Hoffman Process that was and continues to be extremely transformative. You are right to slap me on the wrist about the psychiatrist issue. I had an unfortunate experience with one years ago and it is no excuse or reason for my bias. Guilty as charged and I have changed my opinion. Thank you. My husband and I have been listening to Eckert Tolle's latest on audiotape. His wisdom knows no bounds. I am currently working with a spiritual teacher on this issue. And I will not rest until it feels more balanced. Again, thank you for all your time and direction. It is much appreciated.

Finally, I see someone who is just as flipped out and superstitious about the whole thing as I am. Thoughts that our own solar system, which takes decades to reach the end of, is the size of a dot on an i and our own galaxy is the size of the united states, one of only a zillion trillion galaxies (and possibly parallel universes) that exist, is sort of oddly comforting. We'll show up again somewhere, such meandering of my mind says to me. May I tag you as a friend?

Mary, my feelings about death and dying changed a lot when I began taking care of people who were dying (in hospice care). If you want to grapple with this fear, you might consider doing some volunteer work in that area!

Annie Lennox once sang,
"dying is easy,
it's living that scares me to death.
I could be so content
hearing the sound of your breath".
I'm not scared of either but I still want to practice hearing the sound of someone's breath near my heart.

I've been avoiding your post, because I don't want to think about it.

See, I'm not afraid of death per se; everything dies eventually. I'm more afraid of all the stuff I'm going to MISS once I'm gone. Still, I don't think I'd want to do the whole Dorian Grey thing. I mean, his wardrobe costs alone would make me wince.

Thumbed. Yes, I know I'm eventually going to die; I just keep convincing myself that it won't be for a very long time yet, so it is unworthy of my attention now. :-D

Trudi: Please add me as a friend! I already added you and I thank you for that. I know exactly what you mean. I watched a Discovery channel thing TV recently and it was showing the solar system, etc. I was blown away watching it. And like you, it felt oddly comforting. I also read "A Brief History of Everything"...we're all frigging miracles here. Surely, as nature shows us, life always goes on, one way or another.

Silkstone: Oh, you've thrown me the gaunlet haven't you. To be honest, between the work I do, and watching both my parents die slowly and painfully, I'm not sure I could bear doing the Hospice work right now. But I understand what you are saying. Thank you for your comment...I really appreciate it.

cartouche: Beautiful lyrics and your words, "I''m not scared of either but I still want to practice hearing the sound of someone's breath near my heart"...well, that's just plain perfection! Thank you.

Bill S: Bill! I hear you. If I had seen the title of my post I wouldn't have read it either :). I like your approach. I keep saying that I'm middle aged...some kind of age denial thing but it works for me. Thanks for building up the nerve to make your great comment.

"The Buddhist Sutra of Mindfulness speaks about the meditation on the corpse: meditate on the decomposition of the body, how the body bloats and turns violet, how it is eaten by worms until only bits of blood and flesh still cling to the bones, meditate up to the point where only white bones remain, which in turn are slowly worn away and turn into dust. Meditate like that, knowing that your own body will undergo the same process. Meditate on the corpse until you are calm and at peace, until your mind and heart are light and tranquil and a smile appears on your face. Thus, by overcoming revulsion and fear, life will be seen as infinitely precious, every second of it worth living." Thich Nhat Hanh

You never disappoint, Mary!

About a month ago, I passed out in the bathroom. Fell, hit head, awoke to flashes and thought, holy shit, this is it! It was horrible. I regained consciousness and realized it would all come down another day, but it shook me a good one. Mortality is a hose to ponder. I better hit Post this comment before...

I agree with you Mary. My refusal to confront death means that I haven't been able to prepare a will or make arrangements in the event of my death. On my father's side, both he and his father died of heart issues in their mid-50's so my fear is probably not that irrational. Maybe I'll relax when my kids are grown. I still have an 8 year old and a 12 year old that I need to see grow up.

(and now I'm going to go do that spitting thing even though I'm not Jewish - just in case.)

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I had to go read this damn thing before going to bed. Lately I have this weird gag thing going on in the middle of the night where I wake up gasping for air. If I do not return to OS anytime soon, please be aware that I didn't wake up in time Friday night/Saturday morning to prevent myself from suffocating or whatever it's called when you choke to death in your sleep.

And it will be Mary's fault.

Ok. You're not going to die. Feel better now? Your 45 minutes is up. Ooops! Is that a form of dying?

Thanks, Mary! You are an amazing, brave woman to like that mic! This quote by William Saroyan should be yours: "Everybody has got to die but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case."

I think that when I die, the world ceases to exist. The moment I wink out/check out it's all gone. To me...

It's hard to think of a life without life. What is dying like? What happens after you die? I believe that the lights go out and you are done. I'm not a big believer in 'life after death' and reincarnation.

I get the same feelings when I contemplate the universe. Supposedly, depending on who you read, it goes on 'for ever'.

That's a damn long time... It tends to make one look pretty damn small...

I hope I go in my sleep...

I guess what I wonder is how long, after I'm gone, will humanity last.

Given all of the shit going on sometimes I wonder if I will live to see the end of humanity and possibly life on this planet.

How will it end... Nuclear? Biological? Comet/asteroid? I think we can rule out alien invasion although my money is on Dick Cheney being a space alien sent to create conditions for the coming armies...

I personally think that religion and superstition is killing life on this planet and that I really could see the end of it all as we all cease to exist. I'm not trying to be maudlin or morose here or melodramatic either. I am really concerned that we humans will finally succeed in killing ourselves off...

I am trying to live my life while I'm here and do things that I want to do and see what I want to see while it's here... Life is precious and we only get one trip through so make the most of it...

I am doing my part to help save the planet... It's not enough but it's the best I can do.

lainey sez:"Lately I have this weird gag thing going on in the middle of the night where I wake up gasping for air."

You need to check if you are suffering from sleep apnea. It can be deadly. I had it for a long while before I figured out what it was.

Do you sleep on your back? If so try sleeping on your side. Weight loss will help also.

Don't ignore or postpone this, or death may become something much more immediate than a blog topic.

Don't you know that by blogging on this site, you are granted perpetual life? Didn't you see Greg's post on that? Stop worrying - you're going to be blogging about "keeping romance alive" when you're 131.

Wayne, thanks for the meditation. My immediate reaction is YUCK, ugh, this sounds gross, creepy...what if I plan on being cremated? Can I just meditate on the fire burning up my body and then the ashes, etc. I'm honestly not saying this to be flippant. I plan on doing the meditation. I'm an open person and anything that helps lessen suffering is a good thing. So I do appreciate it. If you have the time and/or desire, do you have any good Buddhist readings on compassion and non-judgment?

JK: Very funny. I would try to close my eyes while biking and doing the meditation, but I saw City of Angels. It didn't work so well for Meg Ryan. Tai chi? Might have to look into that, although I've gotten into a morning yoga that includes some meditation. I have a ridiculously high energy system and it helps to calm me down (in other words I relate to the ADD). Thanks!

William: Good to see you! Thanks for reading. I'm sorry for your scary experience! Times like that can be obviously disconcerting. That feeling of loss of control...unnerving. I'm glad you're OK!

Lisa: Of course I relate to your feeling of fear. For me, fear is never good and I try to make all my decisions without the influence of fear. Fear is a Robber isn't it. I'm not sure the kid thing ever goes away. My 25 year old son after reading my post, texted me "Don't die". Knowing him, he's a very funny and dry guy. But I'm not naive enough to believe that I haven't transmitted this to my children...more reason to face it. Thanks for your comment!

Lainey: Oops, bad timing to read this I suppose right before bed. And you and Jodi both want to blame me if anything happens...ha ha. Maybe Wayne has a point and there's some sleep apnea going on...that gagging stuff sounds like no fun at all!!! Good to see YOU!

mervie: Let's just say my 45 minutes are up and I'm still breathing :). Thanks for the comment.

Just Pamela: I love the mic! And the guy who made up that quote...now there's an Ego! Thanks so much for reading.

gonzoid: I loved both your comments and I loved your questions. Wow, you may be even more dark than me...thinking that all of humanity may go out before our lives are done. I don't worry about that, but given the state of things, I understand why one wouldn't rule out that possibility. For whatever you're doing to save the planet, remember the butterfly effect. Every little bit counts! Thanks for your comments.

dcvdickens: Well, when you put it that way...I like it, I like it...especially the romanticizing part...thanks for the comment!

On fear: One thing that resonated with me was the movie Dune. The original version. My wife has grown to accept my love of some of the movies that I watch from time to time (Big surprise that Star Wars is a movie about adoption and the hunt for your roots)

From Dune, Paul Atreides says this chat when he is tested with the Gom Jabbar to determine his control of his emotions and enlightenment:

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain."

Dark Side of the Moon has a man commenting on the fear of death: "I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's not reason for it. We gotta go sometime..."

With every PVC or PAC or random dizzy spell (I have an inner ear infection currently and it's freaking me out) I feel that 'now' could be the time... Then I get sad because I'm not done... Then it passes and I know that I have to get busy for some day, it WILL be 'the time'... We all get to die. It's the grand equalizer. Everyone and everything 'dies'. I take some degree of comfort in that...

WARNING! This is rather long.

mary asks:"If you have the time and/or desire, do you have any good Buddhist readings on compassion and non-judgment?"

In the words of the Dalai Lama: “The essence of the Mahayana school is compassion. In Mahayana Buddhism you sacrifice yourself in order to attain salvation for the sake of other beings.”

It is this foundational element of compassion that captures the essence of Buddhist philanthropy - a compassion that compelled the Buddha first, to explore, in depth, the causes of human suffering and then offer a method of liberation from that suffering.

The following brief discussion of compassion from the Buddhist perspective comes from a dharma talk, The Reason We Practice Meditation, by Venerable Thrangu Rinpoche, a senior meditation master and scholar in the Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.

"The importance of love and compassion is not an idea that is particular to Buddhism. Everyone throughout the world talks about the importance of love and compassion. There's no one who says love and compassion are bad and we should try and get rid of them. However, there is an uncommon element in the method or approach which is taken to these by Buddhism. In general, when we think of compassion, we think of a natural or spontaneous sympathy or empathy which we experience when we perceive the suffering of someone else. And we generally think of compassion as being a state of pain, of sadness, because you see the suffering of someone else and you see what's causing that suffering and you know you can't do anything to remove the cause of that suffering and therefore the suffering itself. So, whereas before you generated compassion, one person was miserable, and after you generate compassion, two people are miserable. And this actually happens.

"However, the approach [that the Buddhist tradition takes] to compassion is a little bit different, because it's founded on the recognition that, whether or not you can benefit that being or that person in their immediate situation and circumstances, you can generate the basis for their ultimate benefit. And the confidence in that removes the frustration or the misery which otherwise somehow afflicts ordinary compassion. So, when compassion is cultivated in that way, it is experienced as delightful rather than miserable.

"The way that we cultivate compassion is called immeasurable compassion. And, in fact, to be precise, there are four aspects of what we would, in general, call compassion, that are called, therefore, the four immeasurables. Now, normally, when we think of something that's called immeasurable, we mean immeasurably vast. Here, the primary connotation of the term is not vastness but impartiality. And the point of saying immeasurable compassion is compassion that is not going to help one person at the expense of hurting another. It is a compassion that is felt equally for all beings.

"The basis of the generation of such an impartial compassion is the recognition of the fact that all beings without exception really want and don't want the same things. All beings, without exception, want to be happy and want to avoid suffering. There is no being anywhere who really wants to suffer. And if you understand that, and to the extent that you understand that, you will have the intense wish that all beings be free from suffering. And there is no being anywhere who does not want to be happy; and if you understand that, and to the extent that you understand that, you will have the intense wish that all beings actually achieve the happiness that they wish to achieve. Now, because the experience of happiness and freedom from suffering depend upon the generation of the causes of these, then the actual form your aspiration takes is that all beings possess not only happiness but the causes of happiness, that they not only be free of suffering but of the causes of suffering."

I have included a TinyURL link which points to a simple, well written Compassion Meditation guide


In case that doesn't make it thru the OS links police, here is the URL
http://tiny.cc/3HO3P

BTW, the Compassion Meditation to which I provided a link was written by Padme Nina Livingstone. She began her meditation practice at the Rochester Zen Center in 1976. She integrates extensive experience with relationship work, parenting skills, energy healing work, and a passion for being alive to This Moment, whatever it holds!

So you and she have some common ground.

One last thing.

HHS HealthBeat (November 12, 2008)
Compassion meditation
From the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Traditional meditation is an ancient practice that is known to calm the mind. And a study indicates a lesser-known branch could reduce physical responses to stress that have been linked to medical conditions.

This specialized form is called compassion meditation. It’s centered on reflecting on selfless acts toward others.

Emory University researcher Charles Raison found that practicing compassion meditation reduces the body’s inflammatory responses to stress. He says it offers promise as a way to prevent many physical conditions such as heart disease.

“If one is interested in helping the body cope with the challenges of daily life then a compassion-based mediation practice may be a very viable pathway to turning down these inflammatory responses.”

The study in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology was supported by the National Institutes of Health.

Learn more at hhs.gov.

"Death is psychologically as important as birth... Shrinking away from it is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose."

All right, Ms Therapist, you should be able to identify that quote as being from Carl Jung. He said what I said, only a lot better.

I am more concerned with really living--putting juice into my breath, my steps, my loves, my pain than I am concerned with my demise.

Tom is right, death is like birth. I sat with my mother-in-law and all her children as she died. It was beautiful--and sad, but she was ready to go. (And she was only in her 50s) My mother died at 63. I was 39. It made me want to live a life--my life, whatever that may be with intention.

Death is certain--but living fully isn't.

Yes, I've been startled out of sleep at 4 am thinking I was about to die. Some one once told me that 4-in-the-morning courage was the best kind.

So fuck death. I'm going to fire up my motorcycle and go fly down the highway.

I just found OS by googling for quote I was trying to attribute to a comedian. He was commenting on all the people that are so health conscious, diet crazy, don't eat this, exercise, don't drink that and the bottom line is they will one day just "die of nothing". That's what I want to do, die of nothing. Go to bed wake up dead. My grandmother died that way. Took a nap and never woke up, peaceful transition a beautiful thing.
Last year was a rude awakening I suddenly realized that I Mr. play basketball, walk eighteen holes of golf and never been sick a day in my life turned sixty. To top that I was having some tingling in my feet and found out I am diabetic, not severe, but neuropathy has started and it has caused me to contemplate my motality more than I ever have before. So I empathize, sympathize, and relate but I going out kicking and fighting.

gonzoid: Like your quote about FEAR. Fear is huge. Huge, huge. Never heard of Dune but will look into it. I love movies. Thanks again for all your thoughts.

Wayne: A BIG THANK YOU for your comment and reference on compassion. I love the concept as compassion as a "delightful" thing...suffering is overrated. I was trained as a young girl to accept and "carry my Cross". Really not a great way to live.

I'm working on the death meditation and will add the compassion piece. "That which we resist...persists" right. While I will be honest in saying I don't really care for the dead body meditation, something very liberating is happening...I'm open and curious.

Thanks also for the information on Livingstone. I'm going to check out her work. Thanks again Wayne!

Ken, I sent you a private message but again WELCOME TO OS. Thanks for the comment. I love the "I want to die of nothing". In some ways, we all do really don't we. And the "wake up" calls as we age...always something to learn...

Mother: Are you related to my husband? Do you helmetless? I've been on some grand adventures on the back of a motorcycle with my husband...something I never thought I would do. But I'm a mother...the helmet for me is mandatory (plus I really don't like the idea of lying in some hospital with saliva running down my chin from some kind of avoidable paralysis!). Thanks for chiming in.

Sorry it took me so long to read this.

It's just the title.... I don't wanna die, either, so why should I read about someone who doesn't want to die, and thus give a face, or at least a voice, to my fear? Huh?

And I think about this often, bemusedly, in the back of my haid - I can't imagine not Being. I just feel like I've gotta be somewhere, you know? I agree with Verbal - it's why we want to, must, believe in an afterlife. Because it's just inconceivable that the world will go on... without.... us.

There, now I've hexed myself. Fine. Thanks.

I actually find it intriguing, even exciting. I don't know what is going to happen. That is the beauty of it. We don't know so we are only afraid of the unknown. Like changes in the tax law.

I go to the void (dreamless sleep) every night and wake up thinking, "Gee what a great night's sleep". I think we would all be better off if we looked forward to the inevitable.

GP
http://gpwalshcoaching.com