Make sure you read Home of the Owl Says Who
Tell me something about you--age, sex, where you live, where you grew up, any siblings, any children?
I’m 41, female (though frankly, I’ve never quite identified as a woman (yeah, that’s a link to a post where I talk about it)).
I was born in a city in southern Ohio, but grew up in northwest lower peninsula Michigan. I’m 41, currently living in the southern Midwest US. I have 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister – she and I are the bookends of the kids.
The son that I call “the Giant” is the biological progeny of my wife “the Raven.” He is the only child in our household, not counting various dogs and cats we have had over the years.
What jobs have you had? Please include all caregiving jobs as well.
My first paid job was swinging a hammer with Grandad M. – in retirement, he flipped houses. He had each of us who worked with him negotiate our deal – I was probably 8 and came up with $1 per row of nails on the flat roof. I did a lot of babysitting and lawn mowing in Jr. High, and continued the babysitting through high school (I passed the lawn mowing on to my brother). We heated with wood in Michigan (70’s oil crisis – we had to find some way to keep the house warm without using the oil furnace), so we spent a lot of time as a family cutting, transporting, splitting, and stacking our fuel.
My first job outside the home/neighborhood was as a salesperson in a gift store. I was 16. My next summer jobs included factory work, office manager for a company that ran a ferry service, assistant manager of an off-beat boutique-type clothing store, musical missionary. That takes me through college graduation.
Jobs I held while in college included telemarketing and tour guide for the admissions department, dishdog/egg & donut cook for the college foodservice, and “general laborer” for the historical renovation of a local, very run down hotel which had been built in the 1800’s, but gone unused since the late 60’s. On that last job, the woman that owned the place (God love her) didn’t really know what she was doing, so she didn’t seem to realize that I didn’t know what I was doing either.
I emerged from college with a BA in Secondary English Education with a Spanish Minor. I had started as a math major, intending to coach (math papers are faster to grade).
I spent the summer after graduation on the road with a musical missionary group, instead of finding a job, so I ended up substitute teaching for a couple of years. I met my almost fiancé (hate to call him an ex even though he is) while musical missionarying, moved to his hometown, and found work as a “Psychiatric Technician” in a group home for mentally ill young adults. After 18 months of it, I became a Community Support Worker – my clients were mentally ill adults with community placements.
I intended to become a carpenter, and joined the union as an apprentice. When I couldn’t find work as an apprentice, I talked my way into a job in Desktop Publishing(this would have been about 1995) producing the catalog for a company which sold restaurant/bar equipment.
When we relocated, I found work first as a temp – document control specialist, then as the office manager/assistant marketing manager for a community foundation. When I lost that job, I spent about a year freelancing graphic design/copywriting, trying to keep food on the table by cleaning apartments and other odd jobs. I helped keep a startup business afloat for awhile as a jack-of-all-trades graphic designer/copywriter/conceptualizer /whatever they needed. My current occupation is Proposal Department Manager/Writer.
At what stage was the women's movement when you were a child and a teen?
Wow – I really have to think about this question. I was barely aware of myself as a girl until I hit puberty, and then I was just pissed! Let’s see . . .
I really don’t remember what was going on with women, as women. It was not a topic of conversation in our household, per se. We talked about people, occasionally social movements and politics and current events, but I don’t remember really delving into it. I was aware of history. But people were, by and large, just people. Women worked outside the home, but many worked inside the home – I wasn’t aware of any particular judgment either way.
I thought Billy Jean King was cool for taking on what’s his name. Also, Kathy Arendson (fastpitch softball) struck out Reggie Jackson 3 times in a row. Later, Cheryl Miller was one of my heroes – the first woman to dunk a basketball in competition.
It appears that women in sports captured my attention most, in terms of achievement.
I wasn’t at all aware of the “Women’s Movement,” except dimly. I knew they were lobbying for equal pay for equal work, and that many women felt pressured to enter the workforce and be “professional.”
What did you first notice sexism, whether directed at you or anyone else.
The earliest (and one of very few I can remember) had to do with my kindergarten experience – see my post, Owl Goes to School – it’s a pretty decent summary of the event.
I remember an argument I got into with a friend of the family who was at our kitchen table having coffee with my Dad. He was putting down women’s sports as not being self-sufficient. I knew about Title IX, but knew that it wouldn’t make any difference to him, so I pointed out that the girl’s teams at our school had much better win-loss records than the guys. I also suggested that they liquidate the football team, since it was expensive to maintain and lost all the time – plus the injuries it caused. He asked what the community should do on the weekends without football – I said they should come support the girls games. He laughed, and I couldn’t tell if he was being patronizing or amused that I was so feisty.
I was always aware that people expected girls/women to perform at a lesser capacity, and that they were stereotypically emotional, illogical, and bad drivers. I didn’t give it much thought until we started going to church and there was much ado about Eve, and the weaker sex, and honor and obey, and helpmates. It took me quite awhile to realize they were talking about my future self. I kind of shrugged it off to think about another day.
My response was to quietly prove “anything you can do I can do better.” This included sports, when (in 8th grade) I utterly humiliated the school’s top wrestler by pinning him 5 straight times in an informal match which took place behind the bleachers at a track meet – complete with many team mates cheering us on. He cried because he got beaten by a girl. Later, I figured out that sometimes it was okay to lose, at least a little, to save a boy’s ego – unless he was being an ass, in which case, all bets were off. I’ve always respected a guy who can lose to a girl and just play harder.
Also in sports, telling a guy he runs or throws like a girl – very telling that it’s considered an insult. I like to roll my eyes and reply – “depends on which girl, doesn’t it?”
If you identify yourself a feminist, when did you accept that?
I was probably born a feminist –see my interpretation of that word below. I don’t remember using the term to describe myself, but I just always assumed I’d prove the value of feminism by demonstrating that women were just as able as men in any given situation.
By the time I was aware of the word itself, it was out of fashion to use it – feminists became “man-haters,” and I wasn’t a man-hater. Mind you – I didn’t necessarily think feminists actually hated men, but because so much of the rhetoric seemed directed at men, it was hard not to interpret it that way.
Now, I just don’t know. Perhaps because I don’t think of myself as a woman, exactly, when I hear “feminist” I feel like the male aspects of my personality are slighted. “Personist” would describe me better.
What does feminism mean to you?
To me, it means supporting the equality of women – equal treatment, equal rights, etc.
However, to be honest, the connotative, pejorative aspects of that word have influenced my identification with it.
Do you know why I call myself Redstocking?
The Redstockings were responsible for some of the most radical stuff during the late 60’s/early 70’s. I’ve read enough of your work on OS to get that this is one of your central causes and interests – for which I am grateful, incidentally.
Would your mother consider herself a feminist? Have you ever discussed the question with her?
I think she would have considered herself a feminist before she got into the fundamentalist church. The church gave her a lot of hope, which she needed for various reasons. I think the church took the word out of her vocabulary, and for at least awhile, that word was considered forbidden – a mark of worldliness. But my mother has always carried a sense of fairness, and asserted it even in the church.
She was, and is, a strong and graceful woman – and whether she uses the word or not, I think she is a feminist. Whenever she felt like she needed to tell me to do or not do something that had a double-standard for guys and girls, she seemed pretty pained about it.
I think we tried to talk about it once, years ago, but it lead to some serious frustration on both parts, and we dropped it.
Did you ever take a woman studies course in high school or college?
No, but I hung out a lot with women who did.
What books shaped your ideas on women?
I’m certain there were some, but I can’t think of any besides the Bible. Oh, no wait – there was a trilogy of books that I read many times: “Zanbanger,” “Zanballer” and “Zanboomer.” Those were about a girl who is such a good athlete that she earns her way onto the boys teams. Girls can do anything.
The “Little House on the Prairie” books – girls, even blind girls, getting out there and defying expectations.
The Bible – despite the narrow interpretations of it, there were some kick-ass chicks in there. They were often the heroes. I couldn’t figure out why we weren’t talking about them more.
The book “Fascinating Womanhood” was given to me by a well-intentioned almost-sister-in-law. It’s a book that’s intended to encourage women to be more Godly, meaning, more subservient. I almost threw up when I started reading it, until I started laughing (in regards to myself); then I almost cried – people really believe this shit. It’s just an unbelievable, impossible standard for women to uphold. A fair equivalent would be the Prairie Muffins – yes, that’s what they call themselves – and they have a website, complete with a manifesto. (I discovered the website a few years ago.)
Who is your favorite woman novelist? Do you think she is a feminist (I fervently believe Jane Austen was)?
Off the top of my head – Margaret Atwood. She’s definitely a feminist.
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Comments
"The Bible – despite the narrow interpretations of it, there were some kick-ass chicks in there. They were often the heroes. I couldn’t figure out why we weren’t talking about them more."
Yeah, as a young man I asked my father about Tabitha. (He is an elder and a pastor still) his answers were always from a place of love. They did belong, always and were indeed 'raised up', Tabitha was a disciple. (Love: isn't that what he/she is?) There is always Love in equal measure to both sexes. Everything else is someone’s interpretations of what is – Love. Mine is fairly simple – Love is Love.
Heck, ask your parents which child they love the best, the girl or the boy…. Yeah, how can we expect any less from God? He/She is Love – and we all fall in it Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender. Anything else is only Human…
Peece,
dj
I agree, these are important as commentary on where we are as a country.
@Athena – That book just about killed me. It should have been enough to make any woman think twice about marriage.
@Risa – Yeah, that would be a different interview, although I’m slowly trying to write my way through them anyway. Examining them has brought more insight, and occasionally even healing.
On another note, love this series. Thank you, Redstocking!
And Owl, you are just as I imagined you! :-)
@Dana - :~)
I agree, about the interviews, Mary Wollstonecraft. It was challenging to be interviewed (though I highly recommend it) but it's been really wonderful to read the interviews as they are posted!