The Id Rules

The Id is a brat

Matt Paust

Matt Paust
Location
Gloucester, Virginia,
Birthday
December 31
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Sorry - writer's block... BTW the "birthday" listed above is false. I prefer to keep that day private, but am not permitted to do so here, so I'm forced to lie.

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In memoriam
JANUARY 28, 2012 10:22AM

Role models

Rate: 38 Flag

 [This post is dedicated to James M. Emmerling, with whom I've been discussing of late the dynamics of the interplay between intuition and conscious thought.  It is also, I have realized, an incredibly prescient response to Daisy Jane Smithie's modified GNS open call, which I had not read until after I wrote this post.  We are sharing thoughts today, friends.  May we all enjoy a sunnier weekend that we'd thought we might!]

I'm Lee J. Cobb at the moment.  Not sure how this came about, but it's not unusual - maybe unusual to be Cobb, but not to be someone else for a spell.  I often slip into what I imagine to be the personas of people whose distinctive personalities appear to me when I'm in a certain state of mind, a rather splintered state where I'm not feeling me, or in possession of the whole package of traits I think I possess when I consider who I am. 

I don't intend to list those traits here, as I am at present Lee J. Cobb.  Alas, I couldn't begin to give you a list of personality traits I associate with the actor, either, except for a few of the most prominent ones he's projected in some of his movie roles.  And those I can't provide objectively, because I've assimilated them as my own.  I can't give you the roles that affected me even, which carried those traits into my imagination.

lee j. cobb

I can say this:  Something happened when I rolled out of bed this morning.  I coughed a little, sniffed assertively or cleared my throat a certain way and suddenly I was Lee J. Cobb.   All the while I did my morning chores - fed the cats, cleared last night's dishes from the kitchen counters and fixed my coffee and whole-grain rolls, and later spreading cracked corn for the chickens and opening the coop and holding a handful of cracked corn for a couple of roosters and two or three hens that feel familiar enough with me to peck out of my palm - I was Cobb, the way I tilted my head a certain deliberate way and squinted one eye, opened my mouth a little and curled my upper lip in a half grimace.  

I did none of this consciously.  I recognized the ticks as they were happening.  I could see Cobb's face mirroring mine as I was doing them.  I felt from inside that I was looking out through Cobb's eyes, that my face was Cobb's face.  

heath ledgerThese roles, or visages or personas or whatever they are that turn me into someone else for a brief spell are not deliberate.  I can't tell myself I'm going to be Lee J. Cobb now or Heath Ledger as The Joker or Clarke Peters in The Wire or  Robert Duvall in anything or Frank Sinatra as the beleagured Maj. Marco in The Manchurian Candidate, Prof. Irwin Corey or author Stephen King or any of a myriad others. It doesn't work that way.  It's not a think therefore I am phenomenon.  Just the opposite.

clarke peters

I feel therefore I am.  It can't be a conscious thing, because I'm aware I'm not projecting this image to anyone else.  Nor are the personas of some of these temporary role models known to me beyond a rough but definite impression they leave on me in their brief and narrow exposure to my preception.  Irwin Corey, for example, I know only from comedy skits I saw him do decades ago, rambling on and on with big words and multiple non sequitur clauses all of which together made no sense whatever.  What pushes my buttons with Corey is simply the image of his crazy/happy/putting-you-on face.  He looks to be completely comfortable with who he is and what he looks like.  

duvall

Duvall has a similar face and persona that goes with it.  He always looks to be secretly enjoying himself no matter what travail he might be struggling with.  King conveys a joie de vivre through his writing - at least he does in the most recent book of his I've read, On Writing - and this enthusiasm is reflected in his face, especially the eyes, which signal the mischief he no doubt feels scaring the bejeebies out of readers with his tales of suspense and horror.  

With King, whom I haven't read much, I think the effect is mostly an echo of my identifying with him as I absorbed On Writing, reassured to know that such a highly successful writer has struggled, and presumably continues to struggle with his lonely craft in ways I know only too well. 

sinatra

The Joker?  Well, if you must.  Ledger expresses so magnificently in this role the cold, brilliant, maniacal rage of someone pushed irretrievably over the edge, yet who remains in the game, for better or worse.  

I've just noticed most of these models I've mentioned  are not happy people, at least not as I'm recalling them or the roles that stay with me.  And none are chuckleheads, pretending everything is their own private hoot.  prof. irwin coreyThey've all known hardship and sorrow, but there's a grit in them, in some more evident than others, but enough in each to resonate with the darker memories that leech up out of my bones from time to time, most often when I'm feeling alone and somewhat desolate.  That's when a certain tilt of head or snort or cough, stubborn grimace or flash of absurdity puts me smack dab in the middle of somebody's head, gives me a glimpse of the world I know to be true to a degree and not as bad as I'd been thinking a moment before.

I feel, therefore I'll get by.

 

stephen king

 Boo!

 

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Good morning,Matt,
I have made this experience, too.
Now,when looking at older couples,I try to figure out who adapted whose features.Often, it is not possible to distinguish the features belonging to one or the other.
Looking at Lee Cobb's face and his expression,I could easily relate him with you.The other ones were sort of aspects which I noticed,too.
Thanks for this interesting essay.
Rated,of course.
"I feel, therefore I'll get by."

BOO...funny YOU!!!
Sorry,
I forgot to mention:
Kafka"Metamorphosis"
"I feel, therefore I am." What wisdom you have, Matt. For awhile I was Carrie, the Claire Danes' character from "Homeland." I like the idea of becoming someone else, if only for a day. Rated.
Interesting. I always see you as a cross between a George C. Scott, Duvall, Lee J Cobb and Gene Hackman with maybe a little Jack Nicholson thrown in.
Though I can't say I related to getting into personas etc, this struck me as true and meaningful:
"That's when a certain tilt of head or snort or cough, stubborn grimace or flash of absurdity puts me smack dab in the middle of somebody's head, gives me a glimpse of the world I know to be true to a degree and not as bad as I'd been thinking a moment before"
Matt,
I thought I was the only person that did this. For years when I go and watch a movie I leave feeling I am the female lead. It goes on for hours and then it disappears. What makes us do this? Is it because we really are really many characters in our soul and once in awhile one of them gets released?
Really interesting blog.
HUGGGGGGGGGGG
I am slipping into James M. Emmerling's mind for just a momen...,AAAHHHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhWHOA~I bet I don't try that again, man, spook----aaaaa~~
Thanks for this Matt, I needed it!
Interesting , this would make a great movie...

✿░H░A░P░P░Y░♥­­­­­­░W░E░E░K░E░­N░D░✿Algis✿
Matt,tell me who'se phrase is it?
"Ich denke,darum bin ich".It was not Einstein.I have to look it up.
Rene Descartes "Cogito ergo sum"
It's amazing, truly, the power of what consciousness is. Through it you can change the shape of perception and experience. Many who say you can't do that are stuck in a conscious space that denies them the joy of changing their life, their attitude. Nothing has inherent value, no person has inherent character- it is determined by the circumstances, the environment, and is thus fluid and changeable. So, being who you want to be, on the inside or outside of your skin, is a great way to stretch your mind and expand your universe.
And the sum of all those characters is Matt Paust, who always seems a little like Hemingway to me.

Great post.
I do that, too, slip on other personalities. For me, it's kick ass women like Xena, Warrior Princess or a Viking Warrior Woman from a book I read. There's another book about a Germanic tribe priestess during the time when Rome was acquiring those regions and how she survived and thrived despite horrific odds. I had to go find it for you; it's called "The Light Bearer" by Donna Gillespie. So many books I could list. "The Lady of Hay." Now I'm reading Terry Goodkind and the sorceress Nicci is resonating with me. Her speech on what the Order is. If I keep going this will be a post instead of a comment.

Thanks for reminding me of all of this. Now, back to the dishes. (And I know alone and desolate. Wish I could help.)
A more appropriate post to be dedicated to me could not have been written!

Matt, you have somehow captured an unspoken inchoate personal obsession of mine…my penchant, since pubescence, perhaps before, of trying on personas I observe in the outer world (which for me was mostly tv and movies). I could list maybe a dozen, probably more, male role models whose attributes or quirks or demeanors I identified consciously with, and still do .

Don’t laugh, but here were a few: Barney Miller (Hal Linden); Jack Nickolson ; of course Bob Dylan; the six million dollar man (what was that actor’s name?); dick van dyke (from his classic show); etc etc, and this does not even include the dead guys like Blake and Alan Watts I try to channel.

The primate is an imitative species. This is a fact that perhaps helps explains its rise to the top of the evolutionary spectrum. If we look at abnormal psychology, we find delusions where people think they are an other.

“I is an other,” said Rimbaud. Not only that, it is many others. Think how many people we have inside us! Our mothers and fathers. Plus, since they were just like us in swallowing others, we have their mothers and fathers, too. Not to mention all the great influences in our lives.

We love to think we are “individuals”, unique, one of a kind, and we are, but we also are not. It is quite the paradox.

“It's not a
think therefore I am
phenomenon.
Just the opposite.

“I feel therefore I am.
It can't be a conscious thing”

Except now it is, for you.

We should all go to the cellar of our heads and find who we got down there.
"I feel therefore I am." In those moments of awareness of others, and deep self-awareness, that rings true for me. I wish I was only my thoughts, but I'm not.

Very insightful.
I love the smell of good writing in the morning!
Your post, and the responses, inspired me to write about this myself today, as well. http://open.salon.com/blog/oryoki_bowl/2012/01/28/when_i_was_xena_response_to_matt_paust
My favorite: "They've all known hardship and sorrow, but there's a grit in them, in some more evident than others, but enough in each to resonate with the darker memories that leech up out of my bones from time to time, most often when I'm feeling alone and somewhat desolate." Out of this comes genius, the thing that makes sorrow sing and be beautiful and memorable. You can write, Mr. Praust!
Brilliant. Isn't it safer be people who are alive Matt .
(allegedly).
I see you as Cobb as Johnny Friendly, corrupt union boss in On the Waterfront. You coulda been a contender.
Ooh! Ooh! Can I be Stockard Channing as Rizzo in "Grease"? She always seems to have a handle on things!
Glad to oblige, Janie. Seemed you could use a smile this morning. I think Ledger scared himself in that role.

You're right about that, Heidi. Couples often do begin to resemble eacher other, Sometimes people and their dogs do, too. As to me and Cobb, trust me - nothing alike.

I haven't watched Homeland yet, Erica, and I hear it's a first-rate show.

I'm all of those and more, Fernsy. It's often quite discombobulating to look in a mirror.

I think we all do it to some extent, Linda. Some of us may be more impressionable than others, I suspect.

Scanman, Jim is our resident genius. Or maybe I should say one of them. We have a lot of talent here - you among them.

Glad this made you feel better, Michelle. I know it must be tough to wait out hubby's tour.

Algis, somebody would hafta come up with a helluva lot of cash to get all those marquee actors.

You got it, Heidi. Descartes.

Oryoki, I can hardly wait to finish these comments so I can read your skinwalker post (referring to the Navajo mystical tradition).

JL, I've suddenly morphed into a blushing schoolboy. Hemingway could have beaten me at arm wrestling with both hands tied behind his back.

Fire and ice, eh, Fchick? Thanks. ;-D

Phyllis, do you wear a cape for these roles? Hey, once I'm here with youse guys the desolation goes on vacation.

Jim, you jumpstarted my imagination this morning. Intuitively, I suspect.

Thanks, Doris. Yeah, sometimes skin and bones get in the way and spoil the effect.

I prefer coffee, Wren, but thanks.

You and JL really know how to make a guy's cheeks turn red, Princess. Now I understand wherefore your first name.

They're safer when dead, Creekend. I'd hate to be doing Jimmy Stewart and see a breaking news report that he'd been busted for molesting his rabbit.

Now you're connin' me, Chapman.
jlsathre:
yes.Hemingway with his thoughtfulness as well as all other aspects.
jumpstart, yes! tis what we do here,
we resident genuises
genuii?
of
which
you are one.

scanner too.


"genius "comes from the same root as "genuine"..


old emerson defined it well in "self reliance"...

(paraphrase:)

"genius is the ability to give to others
what they ALREADY KNOW, ALREADY ARE,but
in refined form"

anyone can refine themself.


emerson, he is another of my personas.

same locale, new england...................
You just missed the bus, CC, but I can fit you on top with the luggage. Yes, by all means you can be Stockard Channing...SHAZZZZAM!!! . There.
to us chickens you are all those guys and more
"Out of this comes genius, the thing that makes sorrow sing and be beautiful and memorable. You can write, Mr. Praust!"

Yes,yes,yes!!!Die Spatzen pfeifen es von den Dächern!!!Tiriliiii!!!
Matt,I don't know Lee J.Cobb,but I sense something in him that resembles parts of you.
Provocative and yes, a little weird ;-) and therefore rated.
You and James have been having some mighty interesting conversations, I must say!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ingenue_(stock_character)

You are a mentor and role model to many here, Matt. Thanks for this read. I agree that most role models I admire have endured hardships which make them legendary.
Just sitting here reading along with my role model Barney Fife who morphs into Det. Monk who morphs into Earl Hickey who morphs into Herb Tarlek. Not necessarily my role "models" but rather they seem to have been more like "templates" or reflections.
Damon, you chickens have been good to me.

Heidi, I don't look like any of those guys. I've been accused of resembling Burl Ives, but the closest I come to channeling him is when I try to sing, "A little bitty tear let me down," and everybody flees my presence, even the chickens.

Thanks, Nikki. Yes, Jim and I have a dialogue going. I think we're getting pretty close to solving what ails us, too, if not The Truth.

Ah, the beautiful Mary Pickford. A tad before my time but I can see how she must have mesmerized moviegoers. You're very kind, Belinda. I cringe at the thought of being a role model, though, but I do try to help newcomers get the hang of this place - even as I often find I'm still trying to get the hang of it myself.

Walter, I should probly have titled this "Trait models," which would be more accurate, but then people might have thought I had typoed "train." That morphing can get rather confusing when the "models" come in rapid succession.
Matt, indeed we are converging on the truth.
The truth shall be a mercurial thing,
not unlike a woman.

we shall conquer it!
and then be deposed, of course,
for truth is process...and we make it up as it goes along.
we men, we mathematicians...approximating always..
you are, god help you, the Father now..

"I cringe at the thought of being a role model, though, but I do try to help newcomers get the hang of this place - even as I often find I'm still trying to get the hang of it "


old man take a look at yr life, neil young.
it's alot like mine..


doubt? sacrilege? if it must be, it must be.

BUT SOME ELDER MUST DECIDE THESE THINGS...


AND uh oh u it.

ha on u.
Love this. Concept, execution, rich descriptions. Sometimes different is amazing.
Matt, this is a positively wonderful piece of writing! Duvall, Hemingway, Cobb, yeah...Spencer Tracy...I can see all this. R
Very intriguing, Matt. I don't think I have ever experienced the spontaneous persona-change you describe, but I have deliberately changed into other people of my own creation while alone on a vacation. I had the best time with every one of the women I became.

Lezlie
When I left my husband I started walking around as myself again.
I have always identified strongly with Duvall and many of the characters he plays such as that of Gus McCrae in Lonesome Dove.
Absolutely brilliant! I so know what you mean! I often feel like I take on a persona; you've expressed this phenomenon so perfectly!
Mercurial truth. Perfect, Jim. Much better than "relative" truth, which I believe is how it's held in conventional wisdom.

Sally, thanks, but I'm gonna hafta credit the late Mr. Cobb for that. He's not with me this morning. I seem to be myself thus far - a tad splintered, mildly disgruntled and trying to learn to use my mouse with the left hand, as I think I'm getting carpal tunnel in my right shoulder, in addition to the arthritis (I don't think Mr. Cobb would have grumbled about something like that - at least not on screen.)

Thanks, Brie.

Muse, you flatter me. I love you.

Lezlie, I've no doubt your "women" were enjoyable, both to be and be with. I suspect people with strong personalities don't experience this phenomenon much, if at all. I've always been a chameleon.

Good Daughter, I'm wondering if you had to rediscover yourself and if much had changed in the interim. As Jim Emmerling says - and I agree with him - our "selves" are constantly morphing, affected by inner and outer influences. I'm guessing you're stronger now than before your marriage.

David, I would pick Duvall to play you in the movie. Perfect casting! ;-D

Thanks, Alysa. I suspect that like me the temporary persona isn't recognizable outside yourself. If I'm under Duvall's spell I don't start talking and chuckling like him, I don't think, but I start seeing life as he seems to in his roles. I heard a couple of great impressions last nite on Prairie Home Companion. It was the Tales of the Cowboys segment. As Keillor's "Lefty" was waiting in a coffee shop for his sidekick, Dusty, he got into a fight (0ver drip grind or percolated coffees and which type of roast) with a dead ringer, vocally, for John Wayne, and another (maybe the same impressionist) Jimmy Stewart. I LMAO, they were so dead-on, especially the Stewart. I don't do impressions, but I imagine those who do have the subjects they're portraying inside their head, in a more active way than I do.
Matt,I did not mean that you resembled them physically.
It goes much deeper.I have been participating in a course which included music,and colouring,painting.At the time of feed back,it was interesting to realize how much could bee seen in each picture that at first hand could not be noticed.One man had drawn a picture,and in his picture were all sorts of faces hidden,and I pointed them out to him.He felt surprised and he agreed on each of my comments.
I used to do this when I was in my teen years. I think it falls into the "What would so and so do in this situation?" category. Funny you should post this this weekend because Kimura, a Weekend Fiction Club writer, posted something similar . R
Matt--great post. I don't do what you do, too bad for me. But being a porous soul, every film i watch (somehow not with books), I become the character for a while. The other night I watched a cable film that i clicked off but not before it entered and changed me for too long, it was a horror film. R
Wendy0:
I like your phrase"porous soul";it seems to apply to me,too.
Trudge, it's not quite the same thing. I can sit here this and try to do Cobb or Duvall or any of the people who enter my head like this and it doesn't happen. Were I an impessionist, like Dana Carvey, Frank Caliendo or Jimmy Kimmel, I could summon up these personas by concentration, I guess. But with me they just enter my head without notice - gestures or voice inflections or other little aspects of style that I identified with when watching them act. I like the way Wendy put it: I'm a "porous soul," which probly has something to do with my not having a strong sense of my own personality or a sense that it's too inconsistent in my own head. Evidently Heidi responds this way, too. With Stephen King and other writers whom I've not seen live, it's a little different. Because I identify more with them as writers I don't so much as "become" them but I feel somehow validated identifying with their approach to the craft. Those identifications, with other writers, are more real and lasting for me than the temporary channeling of actors or other people for their distinctive personality quirks or patterns. Thanks, btw, for introducing me to Kimura. He's an intriguing writer.
welcome to my world.
So it's grit you like? What about Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara? Surely you've grabbed a carrot from the fridge in your darkest moments and vowed "As God is my witness I'll never go hungry again." Or twirled around your house in a giant hoop skirt you made from the living room curtains, while crowing "Fiddle dee dee!"

What. You'd look good in a hoop skirt.
I should say welcome to mine, Mime. Been absorbing other personas since the Sunday matinees at the local movie house when I really was a cowboy and would gallop down the street with my friends making cucking sounds in our throats and shooting Indians with our deadly index fingers. I still do that now and again when I think no one's looking.

I'd love to try on one of them skirts sometime, Margaret. I imagine a lot could go on under them that'd provide meat for many an outré blogpost, over in the adult section. I can even say, with conviction, fiddle dee dee, as that was the nickname of a cat I had once whose given name was Fiddle Faddle. Realistically I'm more apt to look at all the hoops I'd hafta jump thru, shrug theatrically, curl my upper lip a little for the close-up and snarl, Nah, Frankie, it just ain't woit' da trubble. Or something like that - unless, of course, you were there directing the scene. I'd be putty in your hands...speaking figuratively.
I am reeeeally trying to channel Charlize Theron........... Dang!
Susie, if Charlize reads your bloooogg she'll wanna be channeling you. Maybe youse guys could trade off for a day or so.
Charlize is a puzzle, quite mercurial, our new favorite word.
I agree with you re. C. channeling our Susie, that blurry gal.
Charlize gives hope to men that if only they were good guys,
women wouldn’t ‘harp’ so much.

I personally don’t mind a lady harping. It gives me inspiration..
Does anyone use this term anymore, ‘harp’? I got it from mom.

re margaret, yeah, i would put on a hoop skirt for her.
also i would snarl, that godgiven gesture of the face..

i watched dylan snarl for 30 yrs or so and i think his snarl
is the one to imitate....like a message he sends to
whoever...man, that fella can snarl...


as for pulling in personalities, i yanked in
some dead white males today... i shall not
reveal who...
"Harp" comes from "harpy," or vice versa. Shakespearean? All I know is I called my wife a harpy once and it got me a free overnight stay in the Presidential Suite at Hotel Poulailler. Wasn't so bad except my feet got tired hunkering on the roost all night and I was expected to crow with the other roosters when the sun came up. I can't crow until I've had my coffee. So harpy is out as a term of endearment at Chez Paust. I probly shoulda checked my Google definitions beforehand.
what a fabulous mind you have, modifying your own DNA to take this wonderful trip into another's mind. No wonder you are such a good writer.
rated with love
Mary, that would be pretty neat. Might be something to look into for Tribulation Time.
the concern remains that the dark-light phantom maintains a parallel entity (see rouge psych ops) on ea. & ev. 1 ofyeah.
Thearapeutic, check that point (garners lithium from a #2 lead pencil)

wanna do Ellis Island?

extremely rated

hat tip

givenyah lip

gotta get the lion outa here!

TY abbreviates thank you; remember?