Ever since the movie Freedom Writers came out years and years ago, people have told me to see it because my students write in journals and the students in Freedom Writers also write in journals.  I've never seen it because I've always been certain that it would annoy me.

I have a new student this term who has been more fervent than most that I must see Freedom Writers. She says it is my assignment. She says I have to watch Freedom Writers, write five reflections about it, and turn it in to her by the end of the week.

So tonight I watched Freedom Writers.  It has Hilary Swank playing a white teacher in a classroom of mostly brown students, all of which are played by actors at least seven years out of their teens. It reminded me of other teacher movies I’ve seen such as Dangerous Minds in which Michelle Pfieffer plays a white teacher in a classroom of mostly brown students, all of which are played by actors at least seven years out of their teens.

I completed my reflections.  I was right.  It annoyed me.   The problem is that movies about teachers (with the exception of Jack Black in School of Rock, but that is for another day) are not accurate, and this is why:

1. The movie teacher is too skinny.

Real teaching is a physically and emotionally taxing job that makes real teachers crave sugary carbs. No real teacher in her first year in a tough school is going to have a booty that narrow, I’m sorry.

2. The movie students are too still.

Movie students wait one at a time to talk, even when they are yelling and saying horrible things to each other. They don’t always raise their hands, but they are very polite listeners while the other person is denigrating their mothers.

Real students talk constantly. Real students are like lawnmowers on idle, rumble rumble rumble, especially during discussions that get them thinking and riled up. When they aren’t talking, they are shifting in their seats, getting a pencil, or putting on some Chapstick.

Movie students are very still. There is this scene in Freedom Writers when an enormous young man crammed into a little desk makes a very heated point, and the only thing moving besides his mouth are his eyebrows. That’s how we know he’s mad. Real enormous young men crammed into little seats fidget constantly whether they are happy, mad or indifferent.

3. Movie students hardly ever have to go to the bathroom.

In Freedom Writers, after the nice teacher has berated the mean (but very attentive) kids for being just like the Nazis in Germany, one student raises his hand and asks quietly for more information about the Holocaust.

A real student would have raised his hand at that moment and asked, “Can I go to the bathroom?”

4. Movie classes are ten minutes long.

Movie classes are always ten minutes long. The teacher spends those ten minutes talking about the meaning of life, and the bell always rings before anybody realizes the time is up.

Real students are aware of exactly where they are in the time/space continuum relative to the end of class, and so are real teachers, though for different reasons.

Real students are either thinking about food, going to the bathroom, or if the person they like likes them back. A real student knows just how many minutes lie between the present moment and lunch, the bathroom, and the person he or she has a crush on.

Real teachers (if they are doing their jobs) are concerned about meeting all of the learning objectives for each one of 35 to 40 students within the class period. It’s a marshmallow into a keyhole situation every single day. We rarely overthrow the objectives to talk about our feelings and cry.

My students and I sometimes achieve the special occasion when everyone is so engaged in learning that the bell comes up before any of us realizes it. This is rare, and always an accident.

5. Movie students don’t trust their teachers.

It always takes the poor movie teacher forever to earn her students’ trust. She has to endure mean remarks all day long until she proves herself by mistake by putting up her dukes or telling her students that they are behaving like Nazis.

A real teacher starts off the first day of classes with a fat account in the goodwill bank because real students want to like their teachers. They have to sit in crowded rooms all day listening to them go blah blah blah, so they figure they might as well find some common ground. They want to like their teachers, and they want their teachers to like them.

This is why it’s so important if you are a teacher that you read the educational research and prepare thoroughly for each class. The students' trust that you will teach them something worthwhile and that you are invested in their success is precious and sweet. Despite all of their distractions, young human beings are driven to learn and you don’t achieve that usually in one clear moment of truth. You do it by coming to class every day excited about the curriculum, and armed with strategies to make the material accessible to at least three or four different learning modalities.

Speaking of educational research, studies show that high school students feel increased engagement in classes in which teachers address curriculum in varied ways and don’t waste their time digressing from the material. So show me a movie where the teacher takes a good methods class and then kicks curricular ass by hitting all of the various learning modalities of her students and then throwing them a little party of juice and donuts when they raise their scores on the state assessment to one hundred percent Proficient and Advanced.

I guess the Real would be boring to watch. It’s a hell of a ride to live.