Mauricio Betancourt

I write when I dream the stories

Mauricio Betancourt

Mauricio Betancourt
Cali, Colombia
February 06
Colombian journalist (37). Gay advocator and social worker. I like people and believe people like me. I am as honest and transparent as I can be and like to meet people around the world. I´ve been away from OS for a while but I intent to keep writing and reading of course as it is the only thing that really awakes my heart... Hugs from Colombia and much love

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DECEMBER 29, 2010 10:53PM

A Letter to Dad for a Happy New Year

Rate: 32 Flag


Santiago de Cali, Colombia, 28 December 2010

Hola Dad,

I know it´s been a long time... a very long time since you´ve heard something or anything from me. It´s been a very long time since I called you dad even in my mind. It has been hard for me to get comfortable thinking about that word... saying it or writing it is even harder. But I don´t feel embittered tonight so I write it with care... with care and compassion...maybe with love.. who knows? .... for you.
See dad, I´ve been good. I´m a grown man now. But I´m sure you know that. I´m sure you´ve been counting the years. I sure have. Not that I´m complaining, this letter is not about that. No. !Oh by the way!... I´m gay... yea.. well... hum.... yea...
Well... I´ve been thinking about mom and my sister and of It hurts when I think of you. But it doesn´t cut my heart into pieces anymore... I know, I know... this letter is not about complaining.
Dad, I forgive you. With all this pain inside and the tears in my eyes and the despair in my heart I forgive you. I hope that this is enough for you. Enough to help you have a better life. Enough to help you have a better future with the people around you. Enough to help you forgive yourself. We need to heal those wounds dad. You need to forgive yourself and be well in your life.
You need to stand tall by the road and say that you are ready to have a new fresh start. Don´t recall those days when our hearts were being slaughter. Those tears need to be turn into joys (a difficult thing to do but I think it is doable). Those scars need to be turned into treasures.  Those songs that give you the blues now? need to be turned into hallelujahs for having a son worth of your pride. I´ll explain.
Home copiaDad. I am a good person. I really am. Of course, not perfect... I´ve lied and made tons of mistakes but even with all of those mistakes in my count, you can feel proud, if you feel like you can do ... that....  I went to high-school (yea... it was horrible some times) and to the University and got my major in Mass Communications-Journalism. I am a proffessional Journalist dad. Can you be proud?
You can tell your friends that you have a son that went to the University and got a job as a journalist. I even understand some English dad... hahahah can you imagine that? I? Speaking or writing or reading in English? I did it myself dad. I was a man and did  it myself. I worked my ass off to pay for College and University and did it dad. I got my diploma. I am a professional now dad. I hope you are proud.
Do you think of me dad?  ever? Maybe someday you can tell me stories about your life without me. I sure have a lot of stories to share if you ever find your way back to me. Maybe...right?
I sometimes dream of you. Playing and having you as my soccer coach. I know you don´t picture me playing soccer but... for you I can try and I will do my best. Really. Maybe some day right?
When I think about our lives I regret the lack of love in our home, but I  still have the heart of a young boy and sometimes the dreams of "whatifs" are enough to redeem the past. I still have the heart that you left behind when I was 9 years old. It has been beaten but it is still tender deep inside you know? You can feel proud of that too dad.
Well... this letter is not easy to write... I lose focus easy. Anyway.. I better stop writing now... I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... and take in count that if you ever need me or feel like I have to be there for you ... let me know
I think this is a New Year´s resolution letter.. maybe it will make you feel better... I know it does make me feel better... 
Your Son
Harold (The name you gave me. I changed it though)

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If you don´t get it maybe it is because is not properly written... my mistake....
Liked the photo of you on the globe. Is the globe lifesize?
@David: Photoshop.... ;)
@Alley: Cool.. thanks for being here
mauricio.. we can never change things.. all we can do is forgive.
rated with hugs
@Linda: yes my friend Linda.. there is no other way to have peace in our hearts right?
Thank you for always being here
MB, this brought tears to my eyes my friend. What you did took more courage than I could ever muster up.Forgiving is probably the best thing you can do, When people carry hate, it festers and makes them as unhappy as the one you're forgiving. Believe me, he thinks about it and is ashamed. I wish you well my friend!
@ScanMan: Thank you my friend... thank you for always being here and thank you for your words of support...
you are a fine guy ... for a straight guy of course hehehehe
"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness." -- Josh Billings

Great Photoshopping. And you have a heart as big as the sky, Mijo.

Forgiveness is so difficult, but it is also a huge release and does more for the forgiver than the forgivee (you might need to get those last two words translated.) Anyway, Mauricio, this was a really good letter and the Photoshop art was great also. Rated

I have been stuck the last year thinking that I had to forgive my ex-husband for years of pure lies. He has no remorse and would and is working his deceit with another. I studied forgiveness this summer and learned that you are doing yourself and the wrong doer a disservice by forgiving where there is no remorse. We studied self forgiveness, restorative justice, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa and saw films of people forgiving another who had raped or otherwise tortured and murdered a loved one. The only way that true forgiveness could be found in their hearts was when the wrong doer expressed remorse. They called it faux-forgiveness when that did not occur.
I learned that if I honor and support the people in my life with love, it does not matter if I forgive.
I hope your forgiving will bring you peace in your heart, whether or not your father ever feels it.
rated with love
I'm glad writing the letter made you feel better. I hope you have a Happy New Year!!
These words ... the beautiful, forgiving, compassionate, kind, generous, gracious words ... straight from your heart are amazing.

Forgiveness will bring you peace. I hope your dad reads this outpouring of love.
Sorry for your suffering - rejection by a parent is primal. But you have made yourself and your life. Good on you and don't let the ghosts get you...
Mauricio, a heartfelt post that is heartbreaking to read. It seems to be you've given your father every opportunity to redeem himself: you've offered your desire to be in touch, your hard work and success, and, most important, perhaps, your forgiveness. I can only hope that things come out right side up for you.
Peace for you in the new year.
You have an enormous heart. Your father was and is the loser in how he mishandled you but you rose above it and continue to rise still. Happy New Year.
Mauricio, sos el mero ejemplo de lo que es un badass. Y lo vives con humor, honor y una buena 'onda que quiero replicar en mi vida, a mi estilo. Goza este año que viene y sepa que el mundo goza contigo. Chin-chin, let dem New Year's bells ring! Un superabrazo, pa' ti, chamo, chamote!
". . .and sometimes the dreams of "whatifs" are enough to redeem the past."

As Alexander Pope said:To err is human; to forgive divine. I hope this letter gives your beautiful heart some peace my dear friend.
I should probably write something like this to my own dad before he kicks the bucket, but I don't have your courage--nor your generous heart. If your father is not proud of you (although he certainly should be!), look at all your friends here who are!
This is a beautiful letter of forgiveness Mauricio.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Very touching letter. What father wouldn't be proud of what you've accomp;ished?
Takes a big heart to forgive your Dad.. good for you Mauricio...Happy New Years!
Oh this is beautiful Mauricio, you have taught so many of us such an important lesson. I hope and pray for peace for your dad; I already know that is what is in your heart. I wish you a blessed and joyful 2012, full of love. Love and hugs Antoinette
Mo, you are a man and you do stand tall.
You are the best person to do this, but I fear that on some forgiveness falls on deaf ears, or cannot be fully made if there is not regret. The pain at your father's hands was huge, and shaped so much of your life, it had to, it was monumental. Your self knowledge, what you have done for yourself, what you have achieved is almost miraculous, you are a very strong man. I am so proud of you, to know you. I think that it is good to forgive your father, but in some ways you cannot really forget, because unless he is a changed person, you are still dealing with the person who inflicted the pain. He may never understand or acknowledge his wrong doing, but you can move on. You have done, explained and accepted all that you can. You have done all of the right things, the possible things. There is much grace heaped on you to do this, to make your thoughts not of your self but of forgiveness. In the end, you can only do what you can do, and must move forward and onward to your own continued happiness. You are a professional, I can see that all the way over here! You are a worthy person, and I wish you a wonderful, prosperous, healthy, love filled, New Year!!!!
Brother for what it is worth, he would be a fool to cling to anything that costs him his son. I know that it isn't my acceptance you need but I am proud to know you. One more thing, I can't play soccer(football) either and it makes no difference at all, that letter should be all that is required on your part. Be proud of yourself and forgive those who cannot accept you for who you are.
You have expressed your feelings beautifully. That's all you can do. The rest is up to him. Peace to you, Mauricio.
@Lezlie: Thank you my sweet L... you are always here to cheer me up.. I love you ....
@Amy: It is difficult to forgive... but I am doing this because I need it... my heart and mind need to be in peace....I had fun taking the photos and doing the photoshop... hugs
@Romantic: Thank you my friend for sharing and opening your heart with us here... I agree with you... though I wrote this letter deep inside I feel like I need him to read it and to ask for my forgiveness of at least say that he regrets the past... you are right forgiveness is nothing without the "wrong doer expressing remorse"
@Fay: Im so glad to see you here.. hugs and love to you ... thank you and Happy New Year to you too
@Little Kate: Thank you for being proud .. thank you.. this reallly means a lot to me... thank you very very much also for always being a reader of my posts and for that a reader of my heart
@Moopie: I also hope he reads it... I hope this letter finds its way to him.. I don´t have any contact with him... but I do know that some relatives of mine (his family) have access to this blog through my Facebook account so... maybe... maybe he will get the chance to read it... Who knows right? only the ONE ABOVE
@Myriad: Thank you for being here... I am trying hard to not let those ghosts get me... but it is hard... I have problems everyday adjusting my self to the world... I´m getting exhausted... hugs and a Happy New Year
@Jerry: It is always good to see you around.. thank you for your words and though I still feel like I need to know something about he regreting what he did for now it is enough to have been able to write this letter... hugs Jerry and thank you for being a reader here
@Sophie: Thank you and I wish you the same and much much more for your kind words.... Happy New 2011
@Cartouche: I appreciate that you take the time to read what I sometimes have to say... thank you for your words... it always feels good when people around you share love and care from their hearts... thank you.
Dads are tough. Mine is buried deep in the hard old black earth of the Midwest somewheres...but he is not forgotten. I drink a toast to him every New Year's. It goes like this:

May you be silent and sound
In deep dark ground
And may you never awake
For heavens' sake!

Love ya, dad. (Thank God you're dead.)
@Doc: Cheers... you said it well... thank you for sharing ...Happy New Year
Forgiveness can be difficult for some, and the harder the hurt, the harder it may be for anyone to forgive. What I had to do was remember it's my life to finish, and, for what it's worth, that wouldn't include hanging onto the past.
Bless you, Mauricio.
@PW: Thank you Pw.. thank you very much... and you are right "the harder the hurt, the harder it may be for anyone to forgive" this is my first step .. maybe this is my twelve steps bridge to inner healness...
who knows?
Mauricio, your letter communicates a profound hurt -- rejection and abandonment when you were so young. Yet your letter also reflects the pride of a man who has grown to maturity and achieved much through commitment and hard work. You are to be congratulated for your personal achievements but also, and perhaps more so, for your lack of bitterness. I commend you for not using your pain as a reason to turn your words into weapons.

I hope you can give yourself the love that you deserved as a child and deserve now as a man. And I hope that you invite into your life and your heart only those who will treat you with the kindness and compassion that your gentle heart needs.

As to forgiveness? To forgive others does not mean that their actions become accepted or acceptable; to forgive is to let go of the anger within us that can make us bitter, hateful people and create a space for love where the anger used to be. I struggle to forgive my father, and I may never tell him that I have. But I am slowly letting go of the anger, not because he deserves it but because it hurts me, not him, if I don't.

Vaya con Dios.
Mauricio, my heart goes out to you. I think it is incredibly big of you to have forgiven your father. You have reached out to him and done all you can. Now it is up to him.

Sabes que yo vivi en Cali tres anos? Trabaja en el Colegio Jefferson y despues en el Colegio Britanico. Deje Colombia en 2001.

Feliz nuevo ano y muchissima felicidad!
@Mona: it is true what you say.. forgiveness is not about forgetting what have been done to you but letting it go and find that space inside where you can shelter love. I hope you find yours. I wish you the best. Our hearts are bigger than are hurts I think...
@Lizw9: Thank you for reading and welcome to my blog.... I don´t recall seeing you before and Im glad to see new avatars.... so you lived here in Cali and worked for the Jefferson school.. a very fine private school here... that is cool... I never had access to those schools but I know they are the best here in Colombia.... if you ever come back.. let me know....hugs and Happy New Year

You are more of a man and a far better and stronger one than your father will ever be. You're the one with the real courage and cojones.
Mauricio...Congratulations on being recognized for this amazing post. May the compassion you so generously extend to others, including your father, return to you ten thousand times over. Peace, Love and all blessings to you!...and the best coffee in the New year! (That one is easy, no?) xo rated highly
Mauricio (I love that name), I want to thank you for sharing this. I know men who have had very troubled relationships with their fathers throughout their lives, and the scars that come with that...but you are overcoming. Your heart is big and you are trying to share it with your father again. That is nothing less than commendable. Much love to you during this new year.
And now may you bloom free.
Good for you Mauricio. My sons struggle to forgive their Dad -- sometimes with more success than with others -- I hope they can write a letter like this sometime. If you can't forgive, then the person who's hurt you still has a stranglehold on your life. I love your "top of the world" image -- keep that in your heart!! Happy New Year!
that was great that you could share this letter because that takes great courage forgiveness is easy to say but not easy to do that is why you have become the great person you are today. I beleive great people always go through the most heart wrenching circumstances .

Thanks for sharing :)
What a great prompt for a good discussion about forgiveness. I support notions about it needing to be earned to be truly fulfilled: but that it should be offered freely, too. Thanks, and congrats for all your successes.
I'm catching up . . . and so glad you are writing your story, Mauricio. Wherever he is, he should be proud . . . even though he doesn't deserve to feel the pride. You, however . . . you should be proud to be where and who you are. Blessings, friend.