With the public release of Michael Jackson's Will (Link to PDF), we learn that even in death he has shown a genius that must be respected.

Unbeknownst to Diana Ross, he named her as the guardian of his children if the primary guardian, Jackson's mother, was deceased.  This got me to thinking that maybe all parents should name celebrities as guardians for their children... especially since the potential guardian does not have to be told.  In death, we can make our children's dreams come true.

Now, the first objection is that these celebrities can just simply decline to be guardians.   I think there are multiple strategies here:

• The children would need to be taught to go on TV and describe how they need to be taken care of.  It would be hard for rich celebrities to publicly refuse to help.  But, some will decline anyway.
• So, each Will could have a list of potential guardians.  It might be necessary to have the list decline in celebrity power so that the lower-end celebrities might see the guardianship as a way to gain publicity and rebuild their careers.

With the above strategy in mind, here is a potential list of celebrities in order of choice:

1. Jennifer Aniston - Her ability to decline guardianship should be low given her desire for children and that her arch-enemy, Angelina Jolie, has both adopted and had her own children.  I think she would actually do a good job raising children.

2. Angelina Jolie - If Aniston did decline, it would be really hard for Angelina to decline.  She does seem to care about her children.

3. Oprah Winfrey -  Oprah might be a popular choice for many and that poses a risk.  She might accept lots of kids and then give them away to audience members on her TV show. 

4. Katie Holmes - Tom Cruise would likely pressure her to accept the guardianship so that Scientology would have more young recruits to brainwash. 

 5. Janet Jackson - Given that her own brother invented the concept of celebrity guardianship, it might be hard for her to decline.  She seems kind of normal (at least for a Jackson) so this could turn out OK.  Don't accept substitutes.  No LaToya.

But, as we get further into the list, it could get quite dicey.

6. Mary Louise Parker - She might accept to prove that she is not like Nancy Botwin, the terrible mother she plays on the TV show Weeds.  Or, maybe she really isn't that good of an actress and actually is like Nancy Botwin.  You're taking a chance.

7. Paula Abdul - One thing is for sure.  Your children would get a lot of praise and encouragement.  They would also probably learn some dance steps.  Rational thought and coherent speaking?  Not so much.

8. Courtney Love - She has a daughter who has not had any public problems to speak of.  However, Courtney lost custody for a while due to heroin addiction.  Do you judge her on results or methods?

9. Britney Spears - She can't have parental rights to her own children so she might as well have yours.

10. Dennis Rodman - Couldn't you just picture him saying goo-goo-ga-ga to your orphaned baby?  No?

Beyond the Entertainment World

There are choices besides entertainment celebrities.  Political celebrities could fit the bill.  However, few politicians are truly celebrities.  So, the quality drops off quicker.

1. Michelle Obama - Your kids would be raised well.  You just need to keep a stipulation in your will about second hand smoke.

2. Sarah Palin - You can probably rest assured that your genes will get passed on through your children... maybe even quicker than you think.  With her recent resignation, she probably will have more time for kids.

3. Carla Bruni - See how quickly this drops off.  I don't even have a good joke for this.  On second thought, she's got really beautiful eyes.  Maybe she should be number 1.  This picking guardian stuff is hard.

4. Hugo Chavez - It's not exactly the same as being raised French but your kids probably would get to wear berets.  In spite of his attempt in this picture, his eyes are nowhere near as beautiful as Carla's.

5. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - It was a tough call picking Ahmadinejad over Kim Jong-Il.  But, don't you just love the twinkle in his eyes in this picture.  Your babies could sleep under mobiles with nuclear missiles hanging from them.

In Conclusion

Most celebrities are probably not the best parents.  So, before you should select one as a potential guardian, you should ask yourself, "How bad of a parent am I?"  If you can honestly say that the celebrity can't do much worse than you already are, then go for it.