Musically, the song is very much a simple, minor key pop song.  The opening keyboard and later the guitar are almost child-like in their sound.  The melody and vocal performance are very typically Morrissey-melancholy... exactly the kind that earned him the nickname “The Pope of Mope.”

The song opens with the narrator consulting a Ouija board to contact a dead friend.

Ouija board
Would you work for me?
I have got to say Hello
To an old friend

Ouija board, Ouija board, Ouija board
Would you work for me?
I have got to get through
To a good friend

Well, she has now gone
From this Unhappy Planet
With all the carnivores
And the destructors of it

This is straight-forward enough with only some minor self-pity involved as the narrator imagines that the world is somehow a hostile place.  But, the second verse takes a deep dive into the kind of pathetic self-absorption that Morrissey is known for.

Ouija board, Ouija board, Ouija board
Would you help me?
Because I still do feel
So horribly lonely

Would you, Ouija board
Would you, Ouija board
Would you help me?
And I just can't find
My place in this world

Well, she has now gone
From this Unhappy Planet
With all the carnivores
And the destructors of it

I still marvel that Morrissey is able to pull off lyrics like “I still do feel so horribly lonely” and “I just can’t find my place in this world.”  My first reaction is often to laugh.  But then, I admire how he is able to drive to that truly sad place so effortlessly.  It becomes poetic precisely because there is not real poetry involved.  It’s just a person confessing their loneliness in the face of death.

At the bridge, the song shifts from asking for help to actually receiving help.

Oh hear my voice ("hear my voice")
Oh hear my voice ("hear my voice")
Hear my voice ("hear my voice")
Hear my voice ("hear my voice")
The table is rumbling ...

The table is rumbling
The glass is moving
"No, I was NOT pushing that time"
It spells : S.T.E.V.E.N

The table is rumbling
The glass is moving
"No, I was NOT pushing that time" :
P.U.S.H.O. double F.

And there you have it.  The dead friend contacts Morrissey (his real first name is Steven) and tells him to go away.  The sad narrator now has even more reason to be sad.  But for the listener, the playful nature of the music makes sense.  The song is just intended as a joke.

So, a year ago, I asked myself a question.  Why do I continue to enjoy listening to this joke song?  What is sub-consciously going on that makes it more meaningful than it appears?

I came up with two answers.

Let’s assume that in the world that exists within the song that the Ouija board worked.  The dead friend does in fact tell the narrator to push-off.  But, what if it is not because the friend disliked the narrator?  What if, instead, it is because the dead friend loves the narrator?  Well, if you had a friend who was trapped in an unhealthy grief and sadness, you might be willing to tell them something harsh to get them re-engaged with life.  That would certainly be an act of love… but would also warrant a melancholy song.

On the other hand, there is no reason to believe that Ouija boards work.  It is our own hands that guide the movement.  What would that tell us?  It would tell us that the narrator himself created the push-off message.  Trapped in grief, he gropes about for a way to move on.  A childhood game becomes the vehicle to help an adult face a fact that all must face… people we love will die and we must learn to live on.

And, at that, a song that appears superficial and trivial becomes something that holds the attention of a grown man for twenty years.