Editor’s Pick
JULY 13, 2009 3:59PM

I dont like u, u dont know that; but what abt ur FB request?

Rate: 12 Flag

The age of social networking via the internet has created deep social dilemmas.  Till now, whenever you disliked a person, all you had to do was to pretend they didn't exist / avoid talking if thrown together / or in the  worst case scenario exchange vague pleasantries and depart with an insincere "lovely-meeting-you".  You congratulated yourself on passing the litmus test from your mom's manner book combined with a pleasant feeling of relief at not having to meet for another decade or four. The other party was oblivious that you'd been slinking into dark corners and jumping off bridges rather than meet them (or so you thought) ...and all was well with the world.

But now there is Facebook and  anybody can send you a friend request!  And the thought of having them on your friend list getting minute to minute details of  your fascinating life--(meha...is eating chips while listening to U2)  the quizzes you take ('what kind of vegetable are you?') and your precious notes (25 random things about me) --fills you with panic.

And though there is a button right there which invitingly says "ignore friend request'  you can't click it.  The commandments of net etiquette state that if you deny a 'friend request' from an real life acquaintance, you are broadcasting to them that you dont want them on your list of virtual friends. And everybody knows that those are the only kind who matter these days! (For the clueless--its ok to hit ignore if hungbig4u, whom you dont know from adam, sends you a friend request)

(Also on a side note to a poster here who wrote about his wife not accepting his friend request: Dude wake up! she didn't want to be your fb friend  but was obviously too scared to click ignore!)

 Which leads me back to the aforementioned dilemma.. to click yes or click ignore to friend request from people whom I cant stand..but would hate to hurt or offend. So right now I'm takng the coward's way out and clicking neither. but the 'friend request pending' message fills me with dread every time i open my page. 

which is why i feel that life was much simpler in the older days when it was so much easier to be a hypocrite.



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Lol...JLee im with you on the life is too short bit. But somehow it seems to my warped brain that refusing a party invitation is ok coz its time specific (I'm not free that evening) while an refusing to be an online friend is person specific (i dont like you).

and yeah I know about the selective filters on FB its just that the social networking has become a chore now with endless ghosts from the pasts wafting back in one's life...whom one thought one had managed to get rid off.
LOL..me the idiot, put in both my maiden and married names. :)

Also this blog got automatically uploaded to my Facebook and I didnt realise that. How dumb is that!! :D
...And that is one of the reasons I do not have a facebook account.
sueisfine..but think of the knowledge you are missing..from what were you in your past life ...to what kind of shoe is your boss! :)
You know, you shouldn't put anything on fb that you wouldn't want your mom to know (whether or not she's a member).

And I don't put all of my innermost thoughts on fb because fb is inherently public - you agree to it being public when you sign up. Since I treat it this way, I pretty much allow anyone on who I have actually met in real life. Though I don't have a problem rejecting someone I really don't like.

But I love facebook. I really do feel that I keep in better touch with my friends that are on fb than those who are not and its easier to send a friend a message on fb than to send them an email.

But to solve such a problem, have you ever noticed that you can delete someone after you've added them? And they don't receive a notification that you've unbefriended them. I figured this out when I suddenly realized (probably a year after he actually did it) that I couldn't access anything my ex-boyfriend posted, but I could see he was still a member. So if you REALLY don't like someone, but don't want them to know add them, then later (about two+ months) unadd them. Chances are by the time they notice, they won't care anymore. Just a thought.
I recently deleted two friends on Facebook. These were people who I went to college with and they were my friends back then. After we left school, we fell out of touch, which is something that probably won't happen with today's college students. They've got too many social networking tools for that to happen.

Anyway, after more than a decade, they sent me friend requests. And then after that, all they wanted to do is post their political rantings on my wall. I told them no more, and they respected that for a while, but they just couldn't help but do douchebag things.

The last straw for me was when I posted a link to the spoof of Der Untergang featuring Hilter going off on a rant about Sarah Palin quitting. Then I got treated to nonsense about how I had been contaminated by the likes of Bill Maher and Keith Olbermann. I figured I'd shoot a note to them saying, you know, when I last saw you, you were just fine with Olbermann, so what's your problem with him now.

But then I decided that I had not heard from these jokers for at least 15 years. And my life was just fine without them in it.

So I deleted them from my friend list. And if they do want to come back, it's not happening.

One thing that has happened with me as I get older is that I realize there are people who just ain't worth my trouble. And that goes for Facebook.
Sometimes I ignore.

But I would never ever accept you as a friend and then unfriend you that's cold.
Sometimes I ignore.

But I would never ever accept you as a friend and then unfriend you that's cold.
Meha, my friend hungbig4u is really unhappy now, and cries all the time! How can you be so cruel? He's so fragile.

Thoughtful amusing piece, rated. Nice job.
You can hide people on FB after you friend them. Then you are friendly but you never see anything about them unless you specifically look for them.

It is a good in-between fence-sitting namby-pamby passive -aggressive way to handle it. ; )
Oh, Meha - I refer to that dreadful place as FB Limbo. The Catholic church figured out a way to deal with Limbo yet I can't. I let high school friends linger there for months wincing when I see their faces (or faces of their kids or dogs or whatever). If you're lucky they're the 'collector' variety and have so many friends they won't even notice you haven't responded.

When I was in high school wrestling with issues that now seem eerily similar to those posed by FB, my Mom would say, "You wouldn't worry what people thought about you if you knew how often they did." I think it's true now more than ever.

take care,
Kasienda: yes of course I love Facebook! :).. specially when it offers the opportunity to upload photshopped glamorous photos of myself to the old highschool crowd!! :D

Tony: I feel for you. The main joy of growing older is that one leaves behind such ppl in college...and FB has taken away that too. :)
zoezu: yeah..thats the main thing..everything one does to ignore feels kinda cold.
Fauxpoet..u seem to know a lot about whats going through hungbig4u's mind. :D. a kindred spirit perhaps? :D :D
ZoeZu, it may be cold, but I don't care. If you're a pain in the ass to me, then why do I want you in my life?

And passive aggressive is just not my style. It's all aggressive with me, no passive. So those two got on my last nerve, and I deleted them as friends. If they send me another request, it will be denied.

And Meha, they can be left behind again! Just a click of the mouse, and it's so long, sucker!
I can't do facebook. It's needy and I'm not.
i enjoyed this immensely...you have a wonderful talent..the EP and the FP were well deserved...but you really needed to make it a longer piece...i was just getting settled after the first couple of paragraphs looking forward to the many yuks that were about to come my way

and then you stopped with screeching brakes


still i LOVED this

more please

rated and savoured
epriddy: im all for fence sitting, namby pamby...but passive-aggressive? no sir thats not me!..p-a is for amateurs! i've progressed to the point where i can start college courses in procrastination. :)

bob: fb limbo is a great term..:)

srenity: well...im not sure how a website can be needy..but whtever u say. :)

dirtyangus: u know you are my newest BFF..dont you? :D. thanks for the kind words. and as for the length..sometimes in the middle of a rant (though i nearly said muse), i find there is no more fuel to carry it fwd and have to hastily end it with a one line conclusion. (which generally has nothing to do with the topic...i just repeat the headline :). and i read your diry angus conv. and theought it v funny.
Better! I accept them and disfriend them.
When I disfriend someone, facebook doesn't send automatic message! I don't care if they get hurt!
If you don't want to ignore them, and you don't want to unfriend them later, there is a third solution. Put all of the friends you don't like into a list, name it "icky people", and then restrict that list in your privacy settings.

While you're at it, set all "who can see videos and photos tagged with my name" to "only me plus these people (list of bestest friends)"

Facebook also has some other neat options. "Hide this application" makes the squirt gun fights and mafia wars disappear. "Do not allow this application to post" makes it so nobody else can tell how much time you spend playing Bejeweled Blitz.

Take some time to learn how to control Facebook, and then you can really enjoy it.