MAY 16, 2009 4:54AM

“Laden” Means “Full Of”

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Michael: It should be called . . .

Melissa: What!

Michael: Meta-M’s!

Melissa: Meta-M’s?!

Michael: You know. For Michael and Melissa.
Melissa: I told you I didn’t wanna use “meta”!

Michael: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Melissa: So now we still need to think of a name.

Michael: It seems my good news has turned to bad news.
Melissa: We could end up spending a year writing blog entries about trying to come up with a name.

Michael: A year’s worth of blog entries doesn’t sound too bad. But I hope we talk about something more interesting than about what to call this.

Melissa: You mean like what to write about?

Michael: No! What to write about is always going to be irrelevant. Because we’re not writing about what we’re going to write about, we’re writing about the discussion of what we’re going to write about.

Melissa: “They always talk about this thing called the ‘subtext.’ But what’s on top of the subtext?”

Michael: Ha!
     I know that one.

Melissa: You wouldn’t say that.

Michael: Say what?

Melissa: “I know that one.”

Michael: (pause) You’re right. Good, we’re checking each other.
     Okay, this name thing should be so much easier.

Melissa: I know, we’ve got probably a million—well, no.

Michael: Write what you just said!
     And put an exclamation point.

Melissa: You’re actually wanting me to put an exclamation point?!

Michael: Of course! This is what an exclamation point was made for! Because I just shouted that out!

Melissa: That’s a lot of exclamation points!

Michael: Well, I didn’t say for you to add the ones in that last paragraph. You added them of your own volition.

Melissa: Oh! Maybe that’s a clue to the name of this!

Michael: What?

Melissa: You know—question mark, exclamation point!
     Negative lookahead!

Michael: No, don’t start putting exclamation points again.
     We’re going to have to go on punctuation restriction if you’re not careful.

Melissa: But I was getting excited!

Michael: Fine, feel the excitement. Resist the exclamation points.

Melissa: (takes a deep breath) Okay, I’m trying.

Michael: Good!

Melissa: Oops, I can’t help it.

Michael: Really?

Melissa: (exhales) We’ll see.

Michael: We’ll see what?

Melissa: Whether I can resist or not.

Michael: You resisted there! . . . What is your problem?

     You even have to shift for an exclamation point, don’t you?!

Melissa: I told you. I can’t help it. We’re expressive when we speak.

Michael: These posts are not going to become laden full of—

Melissa: “Laden” means “full of.”

Michael: Don’t do that, Melissa.

Melissa: I have to.

Michael: (long pause) “Now I’m not going to say anything. Not one fecking thing.”

Melissa: Ha! I know that one.

Michael: Very funny.

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Cindy: I, too, have a running commentary in my mind much of the time. But it isn't necessarily interesting. You guys are probably crazy about each other, and for that reason you find all this mutual dissection appealing.

Michael: Not everyone can be equally interesting to everyone else. I would be shocked if everyone at OS found us interesting. It would mean the community was too homogenized.

Melissa: Yes, metaness is definitely an acquired taste.

Michael: Some people find Seinfeld hilarious, others irritating. Perhaps we just irritate you.

Melissa: Funny thing is, several people have compared our posts to Seinfeld, and we’ve never even watched it ourselves.

Michael: Please know that these earlier posts were us just feeling our way through to the current state of metaness. I agree they are rough (especially the bickering about the system) and even said so myself in a later post.

Melissa: Yes, Michael leveled some of the very criticisms you’ve lobbed at us in “Well, If I Said It, I’d Be Saying It!”:

This is dumb.

People are going to think this is stupid.

Self-indulgent tripe.

Cindy: However, I must be somewhat intrigued

Michael: We have even seemed to grow on Arthur James, whose first comment compared metaness to toots in the OS elevator :-)

Cindy: if I weren't, I'd be gone, maybe flagging the most recent crop of spam. Or better yet, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Ugh. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid that fate.

Michael: I have a feeling it was avoidance. But who knows?