MAY 16, 2009 7:38PM

You Would Normally Say “Birdies”

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Michael: Are you ready to start the next one?

     Can you write that down?

Melissa: I am!

Michael: Right off the bat, no exclamation points in this post.

Melissa: It’s too late.

Michael: I know, but no more.

Melissa: I’ll try.

Michael: What we are going to write about today is writing about soda.

Melissa: You mean, sodey?

Michael: Yes. Brown gold. Michael’s tea.

Melissa: Your poor teeth.

Michael: My teeth are fine.

(both laugh)

Melissa: Okay, what about soda? I mean sodey.

Michael: No, we’re not going to write about sodey. We’re going to write about what we’re going to write about sodey. As a matter of fact, I think I’m gonna take another sip.

Melissa: What are we going to write about sodey?

Michael: Write about what we’re going to write about sodey!

Melissa: Uh-oh—an exclamation point! Oh no, there’s another one!

Michael: And another one!

     Stop it!

Melissa: It’s hopeless.

Michael: Let’s keep going. So, what are we going to write about writing about sodey?

Melissa: I think we’re doing it.

Michael: You’re right! So it should be easy!

     Don’t!

Melissa: Don’t what?

Michael: I’ve got to go check on the birds.

Melissa: You would normally say “birdies.”

Michael: Okay, I’m back. Did you get that down?

Melissa: I did now.

Michael: Okay, where were we?

Melissa: How are the birdies?

Michael: Fine!

     No more! I’m not kidding!

     Put another one after “more.”

     And then we start to notice how many of yours are question marks and how many of mine are exclamation points.

Melissa: That’s because you’re negative and I’m lookahead!

Michael: Another exclamation point! Shouldn’t it have been a question mark, anyway?

Melissa: Now you’re the one doing question marks!

Michael: Well, I did ask a question.

Melissa: And I’m doing exclamation points.

Michael: This is obvious.

Melissa: So, sodey.

Michael: No, not sodey! Writing about sodey!

     No, there’s no exclamation point after that!

     Put that there. With an exclamation point.

     I said, “With an exclamation point.”

Melissa: But you said it with an exclamation point.

Michael: I know! I was agreeing to put an exclamation point!

     Now you’re becoming defensive.

Melissa: There is no defense against that.

Michael: That’s true.

     Have we written enough about writing about . . . sodey?

Melissa: We haven’t even started.

Michael: Yes, we did! The minute we started writing.

Melissa: I was going to talk about bubbles.

Michael: What about bubbles?

Melissa: That’s one of the reasons you like it.

Michael: The carbonation?

Melissa: Yeah.

Michael: But see, the problem is we’re talking about soda now. That’s wrong! We’re supposed to be writing about writing about sodey. We don’t even have to mention sodey!

Melissa: Or the qualities of sodey?

Michael: The qualities of sodey would be fine.

Melissa: Hence the bubbles.

Michael: “Yes, hence”.

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Comments

Type your comment below:
My lawyer's tells me to look up Bartleby.
bubbles is in town? No blow Mr. Bubble.
Play with finger paints. Paints a window.
`
sodey rots the white teeth
spinach makes green teeth
pepsi= 13- spoons of sugar

mountain dew has 18 spoons
sodey's too sweet for a drink
You the upscale mead bibber

Mead has no sugar, just honey
You sip mead on a honeymoon
Mead never gives bloated burp
`
You save M & M in back pockets
You sit down naked and squeak
A fetish goes away with all fears

No bend over M & M? You toots
Friends don't moon the bloggers
Ya sip Mead. Ya no toot or burps

beloved readers will run out a door
please no toot in a a Salon elevator
@ open salon:`no stink You policy

sodey. oops. pop soda pop popeye
so silly. Michael & Melissa Ya goof
Ya get melted M & M on keyboard
Melissa: Wow, we got our first comment!

(reading comment)

Michael: You think he doesn't like it?

Melissa: Whether he does or not, at least it's poetic.

Michael: I don't know. It seems like something that someone would write a script to make.

Melissa: It's abstract expressionist.

Michael: It does have a shape to it.
You remember when your car had the flat last October? Have you guys decided yet who's going to call AAA?

In my professional opinion, what you're both suffering from is Self-Awareness Paralysis, or SAP. In other words, you're a couple of SAPs (Self-Awareness Paralytics)!

I lumber on to the next one...water...water...