MAY 17, 2009 8:02PM

Well, If I Said It, I’d Be Saying It!

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Michael: We strayed from our original idea because we were supposed to be writing about our discussion about writing the post.

Melissa: I thought that’s what we were doing.

Michael: We are doing that!

Melissa: “So what’s the problem?”

Michael: The problem is another. fecking. exclamation point!

Melissa: We cannot talk about exclamation points any longer!!!

Michael: You’re typing again.

     I mean, when you’re supposed to be just saying it.


Melissa: Oh no!

Michael: Help me!

Melissa: They’re contagious.

Michael: Okay. From now on. We’re on exclamation point restriction.

     What I mean by that is—I’m not gonna say another fecking thing about exclamation points in the hopes that they will go away of their own accord.


Melissa: Hallelujah!

Michael: So we’re supposed to be talking about—

     No, I mean, writing about—our discussion.


Melissa: Discussion about what?

Michael: Tents!

Melissa: Still?

Michael: What do you mean “Still”? Have we even started?

Melissa: That was all I wanted to say about tents.

Michael: We didn’t say anything about tents. We wrote about our discussion about writing about tents!

     Umm, I forgot I wasn’t gonna say anything—


Melissa: Say anything about what?

Michael: Well, if I said it, I’d be saying it!

Melissa: Oh, I get it.

Michael: You should say something now.

     Enter, enter.

     After you.

     But instead, put—

     Enter, enter!

     “After you”? What’s that?


Melissa: (starts typing)

Michael: Speak first!

Melissa: Now I don’t remember.

Michael: Remember what? You haven’t even started.

Melissa: Exactly.

Michael: All you keep doing is one-word answers or grunting or groaning.

Melissa: I’m too busy typing.

Michael: That is why I want you to have them be two separate things.

Melissa: Can we please change the subject?

Michael: We haven’t changed the subject. It’s still about tents.

     Wouldn’t that have an exclamation point?


Melissa: NO! And you weren’t supposed to talk about that!

Michael: No! I’m just not supposed to mention when they need to be taken away. I can still talk about when they need to be added.

     (pause)

     This is dumb.

     People are going to think this is stupid.

     Self-indulgent tripe.


Melissa: “Just don’t look! Just don’t look!”

Michael: With fecking exclamation points!

Melissa: NOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael: They should stop letting us post these.

Melissa: You mean they shouldn’t let us post these?

Michael: That’s what I said!

     What are you saying differently?


Melissa: No, you said, “they shouldn’t let us”—that’s a very awkward way of putting it.

Michael: I didn’t say “they shouldn’t let us”—

Melissa: Oops! I mean, you said, “they should stop letting us.”

Michael: That’s what I said.

Melissa: Exactly.

Michael: “So what’s the problem?”

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