Mom called Nathan, “Is John dead?”

     Nathan, “No mom, John’s not dead.  What the hell are you talking about?”

     Mom, “Well I head the door rattle last night and it was John and he kept asking if me and dad were in the house and kept rattling the door.  The next thing I remember was checking the door to see if John was there.”

     Nathan, “You know they both will be talking about you when they take their last breath.  I finally told her what dad’s last words to me were, which were about you and if it wasn’t for my fucking money and level head they would both be eating shit out of a boot!  Yes now I feel dirty and am going to go shower.  Mom's probably running around the house right now.”

     John, “I’m sorry Nathan, yes I know.  I don’t know what it means man.  For most of my life they didn’t care what happened to me, the rest of the family and now I’m everywhere in their thoughts.  I don’t really get it.”

     Nathan, “You are all romantic fools, dreamers and drowning in poetic denial and I am grateful you get it now.  It would be nice if the rest did but I think that would take away from my involvement in all of this, my attachment to it all and I would just completely fall apart, certainly.

     After Nathan and I were done talking I decided to call brother Thad and talk to him.

     I found myself sitting wondering if I should call mom but Thad cleared a couple things up.  Mom was playing with her meds again and that was probably what brought on the nightmare, dream, vision; whatever it was.

     I heard a noise behind me.  I turned and there stood Jacob.  Jacob had been dead for a few years but there he was standing in my kitchen behind me.  “Jacob, Jesus, you are dead.  What are you doing here?”

     Jacob’s left arm fell off and hit the kitchen floor, Jacob yelped “Damnit!”  There was blood gushing from Jacob’s shoulder all over the fridge and sink.

     I started yelling, “Jacob Jesus Christ!  You are bleeding all over the place!  How the hell are you even here?  I watched them bury you.”

     Jacob picked up his arm and popped it on and the blood stopped gushing all over the place, “Yea, yea I’m dead, I’m back to tell you something so”, Jacob’s right arm dropped to the floor and now blood was gushing against the closet where the washer and dryer were, “Damnit!”

     Again Jacob retrieved his other arm and popped it on and the blood stopped spraying against the doors, “Ok, now listen, it’s very impor”, Jacob’s head rolled off his shoulders and dropped to the floor and now the blood was gushing out of his neck like a volcano.  The head on the floor yelled, “Damnit!”

     Jacob bent down and picked up his head and walked out the front door with it nestled between his two hands leaving a trail of warm sticky blood everywhere.

     I started blinking hoping that it would be like a waking up and the blood would be gone but it wasn’t working.  The kitchen was soaked with blood.  I could smell it.  I finally got up and headed for the kitchen when I felt myself falling and will never understand why but I didn’t even try to break my fall.  I just let myself fall forward and my face landed in a pool of the blood.

     I couldn’t breathe.  I was chocking.  I must have passed out.

     Thad kept telling me over and over how mom told the story of me walking into the house and asking if mom and dad were there, if they were in the house.  She was noticeably rattled over the whole experience.

     The next thing I remember was being in bed.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I kept swallowing over and over again feeling like there was something stuck in my throat.  I got up slowly and went to the bathroom and hung my head over the commode and started to throw up water; warm, bitter water, bile I suppose.

     There was a tremendous banging on my front door.  My first thought was that it was the police.  They were the only ones I could think of that would bang on a door like that. 

     I ran to the door and flung it open, “What the fuck?!”  There was no one there.  There was however a note pasted to my door with bubble gum.  It smelled fresh, like strawberries.  The note said, “Did you really think you could escape?”

     I felt sick again.  I looked up and a beggar man was walking toward me.  He walked up and smiled, “None of it is making sense right now is it?  Of course it all makes perfect sense but then you never were very good at paying attention were you?”

     I could feel tears running down my face, “What the hell are you talking about?”

     The old beggar man handed me a black leather pouch.  It was tied together with a brown leather string.  I untied it and pulled it back and inside was a beating black heart.  It startled me so much I dropped the bag.

     The old beggar man bent down and picked it up and wrapped it and tied it and handed it back to me.  “Your first task is to turn this black heart into a loving red heart.”  The old beggar man turned and walked away.

     I bent forward and started throwing up again.

     I hit Nathan on IM again, “Did you tell Thad what dad’s last words were.  I told him it would be best for you to tell him.”

     Nathan wrote back     “No...I did not...if he asks I'll tell him, but Thad was certainly dad's favorite in life...and you were his favorite in death...I'll let sleeping dogs lie for now.”

     I answered back, “Ok.”  I didn’t know what else to say.  I felt sad, frightened and very alone at that moment.

cool peace

hippy mike

love

Aardvark Handshake - Chapter One

Aardvark Handshake - Chapter Two

Aardvark Handshake - Chapter Three

Aardvark Handshake - Chapter Four