I know that what is taking place is exactly what is supposed to be taking place. I know that the path that was laid out in front of all of us involved in this little mystery is exactly the road we are supposed to be on.
I understand that my denial is profound, absolutely amazing. I refuse to see the reality of it all. I will continue to visualize this as a perfect scenario and not what it really is.
The announcer came screaming through the flat screen.
“Do you feel like you have wasted this one and only chance at a good life, hell at any kind of life or memory of what life is? Well you have, so get over it!”
Is it really that simple? We are just supposed to throw in the towel and say, “Well maybe better luck next time” and what if the next time is actually worse than this one? I suppose the only way that would suck is if I remembered this time.
John was standing in front of his bathroom mirror with thoughts and images racing in front of him streaking through the fog and mist and moisture of a tremendously hot shower.
John was startled by her voice behind him, “Well Johnny boy it appears you are finally at that place of just giving up.”
John knew the voice. It was Sally. Wow! Sally. She was a wild woman when they were young, actually a wild girl. Got so high that night that she decided she could fly off of the old corn elevator in town. John tried to grab her but her shirt just ripped and she fell to her death, landed on a bunch of dog houses that Joe Blackburn had built.
John looked at Sally through the foggy mirror and spoke, “Damn Sally, you are looking good for being dead.”
Sally, “So Johnny Boy, what have you been doing with your life? Oh wait! I know what you have been doing, absolutely nothing. You have been sitting around writing dumb stories and letting the world pass you by. Don’t get me wrong the stories are dumb but they are important but you really do need to get up after writing them and go do something else.”
John growled, “So did you come back just to bitch at me?”
Sally giggled, “Yes, yes as a matter of fact I did.”
The announcer breaks in again.
“That’s right folks for only 19.95 you can own this absolutely wonderful collection of music from the sixties that we were all too stoned to remember! Just 19.95 and shipping and handling, oh yea handling. You will love the handling.”
Sally sighed, “I see your life is just as strange as it always has been John. You look good for being an old fuck. Man, remember our romps in the horse barns. Come on cowboy let’s go and tear each other up again.”
John turned around and looked at Sally, “We can do that even if you are dead?”
Sally laughed, “No, you idiot, we can’t, or at least I don’t’ think we can.”
John, “Well shit!”
As Sally and John stood there looking at each other John began walking toward her and reached out to touch her. John’s hand went straight through Sally, “Well I guess that answers our question.”
Sally sighed and said, “Look Johnny Boy I’m here to tell you a secret.”
John began to notice that he could see through Sally’s body as if she was disappearing and as she spoke her voice was trailing off so that John couldn’t hear the secret. “Sally! Sally I don’t know what you are saying. Damnit she’s gone.”
Yes, yes it really is all over isn’t it? You are just waiting around for someone to finally give you the answer to the question that you have never been able to ask. The mystery, the secret to life is that the mystery, the secret is no secret. It’s all denial. It’s all illusion. Close your eyes and open them again. You have died and been reborn.
And the voices keep coming. Don’t try to ignore them or deny that they are there. You know they are there. They have always been there. They will always be there. It’s your destiny John. You have no choice but to listen.
cool peace
hippy mike
love
Aardvark Handshake - Chapter One
Aardvark Handshake - Chapter Two
Aardvark Handshake - Chapter Three
Aardvark Handshake - Chapter Four
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Lydieth A
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Comments
I have trouble with faith it asks that I believe again and again in times of trouble or in the face of obstacles.
It’s somewhat like insanity doing the same thing and expecting a different out come.
~R~
Well, we would be the ones to ask about insanity, eh, old boy?
There & back again!
Somehow you caught my karmic vibe through the Luminiferous Ether yet again:
Lately I “feel like i have wasted this one and only chance
at a good life,
hell at any kind of life or memory of what life is …”
and I am feeling …not self pity…but humiliation.
I am too childlike to ever really feel self pity, I think.
The one coming at me in the shower probably would have been
my Mother, so John should feel lucky it was his
old squeeze . What a little tease! Too bad she
smashed herself up on those dog houses.
Here is why I envy John:
“better luck next time …what if the next time
is actually worse than this one?
I suppose the only way that would suck
is if I remembered this time.”
(I remember all too well…the , uh, “fallow” years)
Two passages in here give us the answer, maybe, to
our misery:
“Well you have, so get over it!”and
“It’s all illusion. Close your eyes
and open them again.
You have died and been reborn.”
We know that every instant the world is being reborn.
We know that ultimately there is no “self” , only a Self.
Now if we could only LIVE these mystical truths.
But..that is what we have been chasing, isn’t it, by all our
shenanigans? A good rationalization I can live with…might be true!
This is good - and I agree, it is all denial!
r./
This is good - and I agree, it is all denial!
r./