“The darkness is a place where safety is what you really feel.  Darkness is safety.  I’m telling you John, darkness is safety.”

     John walked into the market after promising himself that he would never walk into that place again and he could hear Jackson’s voice echoing in his head, “Darkness my friend will always keep you safe and sane.

     You know why this bothers you so much don’t you?  Because you have done the same thing that these poor people are doing your whole life.  Yea, yea!  How does it feel to see such vulnerable human creatures making such tragic jokes of their lives?  The same way you did.”

     John tried to shut Jackson’s voice off in his head as he walked around the market but it was to no avail.  The truth was spread out on every inch of cement floor inside the market.  Desperation, heartbreak, confusion, madness and sorrow were everywhere.  It was a chocking.  The air became so thick that it was hard to swallow.

     “This could have very easily been you John.   You know that don’t you?  You ran into the arms trying to ease the pain.  You denied your feelings.  Yes, yes you were a rock, so you thought.  You are such a fragile creature just like all of these fragile creatures in this prison of retail.

     You start to wonder about it all don’t you boy?  You start to think about things in a more detached fashion and you begin to see what we as human creatures will do to be safe, secure and what we will do to make sure our loved ones are protected.”

     John kept walking and smiling and saying hi to everyone, putting on a grand show that didn’t let any of them know the voice that was haunting John inside of his own head.

     When we finally do find ourselves with no more excuses, with no more denial, with no more magical thinking our being becomes so unbelievably light and it feels like floating through this wondrous life.  It really is very frightening at first though because it’s something that we are not used to, you know truth and honesty.  Dad is dead. I am a grandpa. She had to do what needed to be done for her and the kids.  She realized she wasn’t ready.  She realized it was time to move on.  I had to finally look at just how much I had complicated my life in such a short period of time.

     Life isn’t complicated.  We as human creatures complicate the hell out of life because we are so self-centered and self-obsessed.

     “So now you are a grandpa.  Nothing else can happen can it.  Oh great-grandpa but you’ll never see that and it doesn’t really matter does it.  You are now gramps.  You are now officially old.  I suppose you should be very thankful and truly believe that you are a miracle that you lived long enough to be called a grandpa.  You pretty much were pushing the envelope there for a while.”

     John growled to himself, “Fuck you Jackson.  So tell me Jackson, how is it down there in hell?”

     Jackson laughed, “Got a seat on the roller coaster to infinite fire and pain right next to me just waiting for you John.”

     There was just too much going on.  The market was full of the normal drama, so and so is engaged, Big Jake and Cowboy have to move all their shit, She didn’t hook them up, doesn’t want credit for that one and on top of all of that Jackson is having a party inside your head.

     I think everyone has noticed.

     John continued to talk to himself, “God damnit Jackson what are you doing in my head.  You certainly made a mess of your life, literally made a mess.  12 gauge stuck in your mouth.  It took me two weeks to get your god damn blood and brains cleaned up from the bathroom.”

     Jackson growls, “Oh yea bring up the past, the bad stuff.  Put a real bummer on the show man.  Ok fine, I’m here to tell you a secret man but now I think I’ll just make you wait a while before I tell you, and, oh by the way, everyone is wondering what the fuck is wrong with you.  You ain’t hiding anything.”

     John found himself looking around paranoid and frightened.  Everyone was looking at him and smiling.  “Man I need to get the hell out of here and get my head straight.”

cool peace

hippy mike

love

Aardvark Handshake 

The Seventh Sun 

Confusion

Adventure

Something more

Awake

Message in a broken bottle

Keeping the faith even when you don't believe