Caption on the tote bag reads, "Real Women Hunt Moose".
It's Foody Tuesday and the last time I posted something about cooking I got laughed out of the Open Salon neighborhood. Apparently my vast culinary skilz are not appreciated in some parts of our Country.
How was I to know that you're supposed to skin the moose before you cook it? Sarah left that part out of her cookbook, "Cooking Stuff You Love to Kill and Other Republican Tales of Senseless Death and Mayhem".
Ms. Palin also failed to mention that you have to cut the moose into pieces before you cook it. I cooked that moose carcass for three weeks and it still wasn't done on the inside. Plus, a whole moose is hard to turn on the spit and the antlers keep getting in the way even though they work well for drying your laundry by the fire.
My moose roast was a total failure. Cost me a fortune in beer. All my friends got drunk and went home after three days, leaving all the moose turning duties to me. My back still hurts.
They used excuses for leaving early like, my wife is gonna kill me, I need to feed the kids, I'm too drunk to eat and I'm gonna get fired from work if I miss another day.
What a bunch of losers. Makes me wonder about the future of our Nation. I need to find some new friends that bring their own beer to these things.
Anyway, after all the flack I caught from that one, I decided to give you all another chance to appreciate me and my substantial kitchenary abilities, so I decided to give you a recipe from south of our border this time.
I call this "The Easiest and Most Prettiest Salsa Recipe, Ever"! So pay close attention, this moves pretty fast.
First thing you do is take the stuff you see in this picture and chop it into tiny little pieces. Professionals call this dicing the vegetables.
Next, and this is a very important step in the recipe, so don't screw it up, stir those little bits together in a bowl and stick it in the refrigerator. Professionals call this step, stirring stuff in a bowl and chilling it in the refrigerator.
I told you it was easy. And pretty, too! Now, take back all those mean things you said about the moose fiasco. After all, it was a Republican cookbook and it doesn't translate well into common sense. I should have known that Sarah would have left some important steps out of the recipe. Like facts and logic.
OK, you are now forgiven for those mean comments you left on the the moose roast post. Now give me a hug.
P.S. I know I forgot the lime juice. Shut up. I can't think of everything.
PS.PS. If you use a food processor you are a sissy cheater. And don't forget to rub your eyes after dicing the jalapenos like I did. That burning should start to ease after a week or so.
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Comments
Wordsmith, sad to say, most of these veggies came from WalMart. My little veggie patch has fallen on hard times. I'm just crushed about it. And lime juice is a must!
Thanks Nora, I like the yellow bell and the purple onion for the looks, but they taste great, too.
BBE, I didn't know that it was pico de gallo, so I learned something already this morning. I do add pepper and then salt when I eat it. Salt turns it watery I think. I could be wrong. A blender ruins the texture. I like it crunchy, not mushy, but to each his own.
Pretty pretty pico de gallo!
Wonder how long it would take to cook Sarah P n that spit?
As for the Palin photo? That's brutal this early man. I threw up my trail mix a little in my mouth, mixed with coffee. Not a great combo.
Rated
JK, Half a lime maybe? Just keep squirting more in until you like it. No rules, just right!
Glou! Party starts as soon as you show up with the bottle! I don't think you could cook Palin long enough to make her palatable. And thanks for calling me Bitch! ;-)
Dusty, The processor will save a great deal of time, but I would at least dice the onions for the crunch factor, but that's just me. It always seems a little different every time I make this stuff. I don't measure anything.
You have to skin a mule and groundhog road kill?
I've been boiling carp, possums, and dead otters.
I've boiled, simmered, and had to pour off a rack.
I thought it sad to feed dead meat to Capital hill.
But, they get real hungry for the dead carrion kill.
I sell those poor flea, lice, and nasty fir hill cigars.
I scoop up cigars in the moo cow barn. I no smoke.
I save the beer. I cool it off and sip with a straw.
Rated & Cheers!
Loved your sense of humor!
I love your recipe style. You are gourmet level for me too - cut up a bunch o' stuff and throw it in the pan. Cook... or not. (I can't help messing with recipes; they are like rules wanting to be broken.)
Now this is what I'm talking about! Real insider tips and secrets! That is the prettiest salsa or pico de gallo, ever!
If you added garlic and cooked it, it would be sofrito!
You should totally turn your recipes into a cookbook. It would be one-of-a-kind with that humor of yours and you'd sell a million of them. :)
rated for a brilliant come back from the moose chronicles.
Crazy Annie, thanks for the visit. If I could really cook the humor wouldn't be necessary.
Blue, I thought about posting after everyone's stomach had settle their coffee down, but when is that? I didn't know so I hit publish.
COS, That's a great idea! and my vision is fuzzy. I'm beginning to make out some shapes and any light really hurts.
Arthur, Uh....Huh? You always leave me speechless.
Screamin Mama, Sweetie, choke full of anti- oxidants, this one.
Thanks Roy, You give me way too much credit.
Bubba, I'd love some of those big fresh Texas chips to go along with this. You pick the game and the time. We can always make more salsa.
Verbal, Do stop by. Bubba's bringing the beer and some REAL corn chips.
Cartouche!I made up the moose thing. I've never tasted wild moose, but I hear it tastes like manatee.
Buffy, I almost missed you and that just wouldn't do. I confess to making up the moose bit. And you must also be a brilliant salsa maker. We Rock!
I_Mom, You just can't seem to give a Sarah Palin away these days.
Ardee, So true about recipes being meant to be broken. We had a moose with dementia from somewhere in the great white north wander into town a couple weeks ago. They say he was a victim of global warming. True story.
Dharma, I know! What, no citrus? I'd get tarred and feathered by this crowd. We hollowed out the moose and filled it with ice and beer. Couldn't see that half cooked carcass going to waste. It works very well as a beer cooler. I carved a notch in the antler for opening the beer. It works better than I thought it would. I'm considering marketing the idea.
Zuma! Garlic! That's the magic word. Sofrito? I need to look that one up, but it sounds yummy!
Lisa, I so wish that were true, but I think folks already know how to make Banquet pot pies with shredded cheese on top.
Robin, I read Coyote's recipe. That sounds like something I could make without screwing it up. You should be set for the week now!
Miss dickens, Your neighbors would hate you if you tried to cook a moose indoors, they stink something awful after a while, but maybe not so bad with out the hide still on it. I'll try that next time a moose strolls into Florida.
Mumby, I've never used garlic, though I've heard of others using it. I think I'll try that and see if I like it. Who knows? Discovery is half the fun.
Wouldn't change a thing! Cept the squirts of lime and did you not use fresh cilantro? Your way is fine!!!
Rated for making me laugh out loud and reminding me to warsh my hands after making stinky tuna for lunch.
I love this and couldn't agree more. Plus, gorgeous salsa.
were on OUR side, the side of truth and justice and all that. And the
side with the hot hot hot Michael Rodgers and his jalapeno eyes.
Cathy, Oh Yes! Fresh cilantro is like the not so secret ingredient. And do take care of those beautiful peepers.
Karin, I think I've been banned from the cover. Don't know who I pissed off up there. (don't care, either!). I knew that you'd hang for the party. Canadians know how to party and that's for sure!
Sally, Yay! I agree, food processors are cheating. If I wanted soup, I would make soup. Hehehe.
Dakini, Are you flirting with me again? If you are, please keep it up. I need all the ego boost I can get!
(Lord. Only 9:50 am and I'm making salacious comments.)