Editor’s Pick
JUNE 5, 2009 7:12AM

I punched that Bitch right in the Face!

Rate: 79 Flag

I don’t go out very often. It’s not that I don’t like to go out, but in my present financial situation, it just doesn’t fit the budget. I’ve been struggling for almost three years now. I don’t know about the rest of you, but my recession started when the construction work dried up about two years after Hurricane Charley hit this area in August of 2004, It was like someone flipped a switch to the off position and that was the end of the construction work.

I’ve seen it before. The damage caused from a storm 0f that magnitude eventually leaves everyone with a new roof, a new swimming pool enclosure, a new kitchen, new paint, etc, etc. You basically work yourself right out of work. You may be riding high for a while, but eventually the financial rug gets yanked out from under you.  

During the recovery, I played it tight to the vest because I had been witness to the phenomenon before. Anything that I bought, I paid cash for and paid everything off that I possible could (except for the mortgage, though I did pay that down some) because I knew that there would eventually be a lull in the action, though I never expected anything like the housing bubble to pop a year or so after the work dried up.

I had managed to store a pretty nice egg away and figured I could weather the lull, but it’s been a very long lull and all that money left my mattress a long time ago.

None of this has anything to do with the story I’m about to relate to you, other than that maybe people who are under a lot of financial stress do some really stupid things and end up in jail for their efforts.

For the last few weeks I’ve been doing some work on a friends house up in Sarasota, so I've managed to pay some late bills, earlier than usual. It’s forty miles each way, which eats time and money, plus I’m working for a friend, so I’m working on the cheap, but at least I'm working, so I'm really not complaining.The point is that I've earned a little spending money.

Let me get to the story. I’ve been broke and housebound for so long that I was beginning to feel like a hermit.  I’d been chomping at the bit to get out and actually mingle with the local populace for a change, so I get home from work, grab a bite to eat, sh*t, shave and shower, fire up the Harley and head on up to Brewski’s for happy hour.

Brewski's is just a small corner bar, but they have twofer’s from five to seven daily, you can‘t beat that around here. I am still in financial straights so I have to go on a tight budget, so please don't judge me. I’m just a poor lonely man with a lot of issues and no social life to speak of.

Just the regulars are in attendance so I say my howdy’s, sit down and begin to enjoy what I hope to be a couple of well deserved beers. Three or four seats down there is a large woman that I’ve seen in there before. I don’t know her name and don’t care to learn it.

She is known to have a surly disposition and she’s arguing with some little guy about half her size about whatever and I can only assume that he is the boyfriend de jour. I hate to be witness to that sort of crap so after one beer I decide to pay up and hit another couple of places up the road that may have a less hostile atmosphere.

I'm not getting any younger so I poop out pretty early these days. Late nights are pretty much a thing of the past for me, so after putting on a few miles and a couple of more beers I decide to head back toward my own neighborhood.

I figure Brewski’s is close to home and they have a band playing tonight that I like, so I'll stop in for a nightcap or two (or three). For a little place, I’ve seen some incredible musical talent in this dump, and who knows, maybe I’ll meet someone. Hey….don’t laugh. It could happen. It hasn't happened that I can ever remember, but it could still happen.

The band is setting up so I guess it’s around nine o’clock, not very long after dark. I order a Bud and pull myself up to the bar when I look down two seats and I'll be damn if it isn't the same couple still sitting there, only this time they’re all kissy, kissy and I think to myself that this has to be better than them biting each other in the face, so I try to ignore the gooey spectacle of a train wreck and mind my own business.

I had to visit the men's room and the barmaid knows that I'm a flexible guy so, to make room for a couple that just walked in, she has moved my drink and riding glasses over next to  the saliva swappers. Yuck. (Thanks sweetie, that should increase your tip, dramatically) I look around for a better place to be, but I can see that I’ve got about the last seat in the tiny place so I decide to bite the bullet and hold my ground. And that’s when all the crap started.

Within a minute or two, the lovely (no where near sober) couple, gets up to leave and it’s time to pay their bill. I’m guessing they must have been there most of the day by their slurred speech and wobbly demeanor, so I’m trying to ignore the conversation, but it just keeps getting louder.

The back and forth is peppered with things like, “Didn’t you just get a paycheck?” and “Why do I always get stuck paying the bill?” and “ I didn’t bring any money with me because you always pay!”

This soon escalates into a two way tirade that includes some colorful phrases like “I hate you, you useless son of a bitch!” and “Fuck you and your big stinky cunt!” and " Ill kick your ass, you wiskey dick piece of shit!" Paraphrased, of course, but I think you get the picture.

I see no future in being this close to the action, so I start gathering my things, thinking I’d rather watch this from a safe distance when the big one (the woman) shoves the little one (the man) in the chest hard with both hands and he's thrown backwards into me, spilling my beer and cigarettes all over the place. Had I not been standing there, he would have surely ended up flat on his ass. She pushed him that hard.

Now I can’t really explain why I did what I did next, but this little guy hauls back a right hand and there was no doubt that he was going to deck the big broad, which I considered a big mistake, because one, I was raised to believe that you never hit a lady, (I’m not sure that she could qualify as a lady) and two, this girl would mop the floor with this little fella, so I don’t know who I was protecting, but I reached over his shoulder and grabbed his arm just as he pulled the trigger.

He struggled a bit, but a split second later I had both of his drunken arms locked behind him, so I'm thinking that I have this flair up contained. I'm also thinking that I can calm these two down and nobody gets hurt, when the big one (the woman) seizes the moment and throws a huge right hand at the little one's head. I don’t see it coming, but the little guy does, and like a scene out of a movie, he ducks and she catches me flush on the left eye.

Damn! This girl knew how to throw a punch! I’m seeing stars and I’m still holding onto the little guy, though I don’t know why, when she throws another haymaker and lands it flush on the side of the little guys head. His face snapped hard to the side and he goes limp in my arms. One punch, out cold. I don't think I've ever seen a woman throw a punch like that and suddenly, what I thought to be a contained battle, is quickly turning into a nightmare that I want to wake up from.

Now, I haven’t been in a fight in over twenty years, so I’m still trying to gather my wits and I assume that the fight is over, now that the little guy went limp. I’m still holding him up, though I still don’t know why when, bam! The big one punches me right in the nose. I never saw that one coming either. I'm beginning to think that maybe I should pay better attention to elephant in the room.

I didn’t feel anything break, but my eyes teared up something horrible and blood was flowing out of my nose like a faucet, dripping all over me and the little guy and my left eye was swelling up and the only thing I could think of was I’m going to need both arms if this girl swings at me again, so I finally drop the little guy and he hit’s the floor with a heavy thud.

The last thing I want to do is fight this behemoth. I’m really hoping this thing is over and I can just go home and lick my wounds and think twice about ever leaving the house again when the big one says loud enough for everyone in the now silent bar to hear, “You should have stayed out of it, asshole!” Then she charges me like a mother rhino who's protecting her pup.

I only have a split second to react, but a lot can go through your mind in a short amount of time. I have no time to retreat, she’s already popped me two good ones and I’m bleeding, she can really move for a big girl and she’s built like a linebacker and strong as an ox, she has me by at least twenty-five pounds, and she wants to fight me like a man, so I made a split second decision. If I don't do something soon this girl is going to kick my ass, and that’s when I hauled back and punched that bitch right in the face!

I know it had to hurt. Her knees buckled for a moment and I don’t see how she stayed up, but she shook it off and charged me again! Pow! One more to the jaw and down she went. (You need to learn to keep that guard up, honey.) Definitely not my proudest moment.

Grabbing up a cigarette (I knew I would need one) and my riding glasses from the floor, I walked past all the gaping mouths and bewildered stares and headed for the door.

I keep a roll of soft paper towels in my saddle bags for cleaning the windshield, but I’m shaking so bad, I can barely get the bag open to get to them. The only thing I want to do is stop my nose from bleeding and get the hell out of there and that’s when the cops pulled up.

I’d like to tell you about the arrest and posting bail and how the crazy bitch got tasered, but it's a pretty boring story and this thing is already too long, so I'll save that part for another day.

If you ever get the urge to protect a woman from domestic violence, please don't let this story stop you from doing the right thing. Whatever that might be.






I should mention that this is  fictional.

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I'm never leaving the house again.
Oh my Gawd! I'm in a combo of shock and hysteria! Please tell me this is true.
Flat out, kick ass GREAT story!
Is this true? Could it be?

My God! I would normally say never hit, BUT you HAD to defend yourself. If everyone saw that she hit you twice and knocked him out cold, you should be OK as far as the cops, right?
Get out of here! No, wait! Don't. This is a nicely crafted joke, yes?
OMG!! I wouldn't leave the house ever again if I was you. Bartending for 18yrs I have seen some women knock the crap out of men like this. It really isn't a pretty sight to witness. I still can't get over her hitting you like that. ROTFLMAO!!
Loved the story and can't wait to maybe hear the part about the arrest. Very entertaining that is for sure.
Oh I would say it has been about 3 yrs for the construction industry to shut down..It was almost like someone flip the switch. I work in the industry doing accounting /finance it wasn't a good when it happened. There has been a lot of companies go under because of it.
Great slice of life story. Loved it.
What a story, and wonderfully told. Sounds like a fair fight, and you paid the price. Could be a scene from a Paul Newman or Clint Eastwood movie. But who would play the woman?

and btw, hope the economy perks up for you and all really soon.
I want to see the movie!
Next time you go out for a few drinks, you can take me with you. I've got your back. This is a classic tale of "no good deed goes unpunished." Ain't it the truth?
This is so great it just makes me want to get in a bar fight right now. It's like reading about some really cool vacation spot where everybody's having more fun than you and you just want to join them and have drinks and laugh and then, bleeding from the nose, punch some bitch right in the head! You should submit this to the NYT travel section.
Sir, it sounds like she more than deserved it. Hope your nose and eye are better. Next time just buy a 12 pack and stay on the porch cause I don't think you need to run with those big dogs anymore.

rated for trying to do the right thing
Frank Capra is rolling over in his grave! This is one well written story and I was caught up from the beginning to the very last word.
I've only stepped into a fray like that once (in high school) when a friend's sister was surrounded by older bigger chicks and was about to get an asskicking. I managed to hustle her out of the circle, and fortunately not a single punch was thrown. But that was a tense few minutes because I was taught no matter what you never hit a girl.

As for YOU, young man, you didn't include "fiction" in the tags so I don't know for sure if this is a true story or just a yarn spun out of whole cloth, but it was a good read.

Thumbed.
I take it that the bartender didn't get a tip.
You're lucky she didn't eat you too!
I'd leave the house, I just wouldn't go to Brewski's!! Well, we are all waiting!! True? Not true? That is the question!
This was told in such a riveting way, and I gotta say, sympathetic. I'm wondering why nobody stepped behind her and gave her the old "knee bend" to bring her down. Just kidding, I can see why.

Great writing, you had me enthralled the whole time!
Rated
Oh my. Before I read it I knew it had to be a defensive punch becaue you are not a bad guy. The little guy-- oh my.
I'm sorry you got battered, but you sure as hell did the right thing. Women don't get a pass when they do something like that. And I don't think you should have been arrested; just her.
yup, that's south florida for you.
Jeeze, Michael...blogging is a whole lot safer...most of the time, anyway ;-)
Sake and Rice! Damn! Glad she was arrested! Are you okay now?

This is funny in some aspects and horrible in others, damn, I'm sorry this happened to you. That jsut sucks!

I once got a fist that was meant for my husband, the guy got dogpiled before I could even get off the floor. People are just batshit sometimes!

Rated!
Please tell me this is not true. Please. You don't deserve this kind of bad luck, Michael. I hope your eye and nose are healing quickly.
I'm sorry your social life is so circumscribed. Fucking economy. I'd go drinking with you and I'm a real cheap date since I get drunk on one beer, but I'm afraid I'm not much of a fighter. I'm scary when I holler, though, and I can make scary faces. Plus, I can quote the law and threaten legal action. I'm betting that woman won't be allowed in again anyway and you can safely go back to the Brewski.
so you didn't get arrested, did yas?...curious writers want to know...not boring story, was with you all the way...in fact, now have a bit of a stomach ache to prove it...man! rated
um, please answer all the asked and unasked questions! And let us know how you are.
Okay, I'm home from work. The story is partly true but mostly fiction. I thought that if I wrote an outlandish story I might get an EP. Haven't had one in so long that I thought what the heck, why not throw something out there and see if it sticks. I guess I'm gonna need some better glue.

I'm fine, nothing happened. The first part of the story is all true. The rest of it is just bits and pieces of things that I've observed over the years, although I did stop a guy from beating his wife or girl, (I don't know which) and she jumped on my back and tried to gouge my eyes out for the effort. That was a very long time ago and some people peeled her off of me before she could do any damage.
Otherwise, I'm good as gold. Except for the economy part. That still sucks. Be back soon to answer your comments. Thank you all!
I went to the bottom and read yer comment before I went ahead and opened my own pie hole, so now I know it's mostly fiction. Were it true, you'd likely hafta punch her again. She earned it. Next time I'm in Fla I'm gonna stop by and have a beer with you. :)
Sluggo, you oughta know by now there's no room for boredom redneck bardom -- I hope you didn't get charged with anything and the barkeep comped your beer.

Having worked in construction in Central Florida for several years, I can definitely attest to the up and down nature of the business. Bars, broads, bands or building, we'll definitely have to swap some stories if ever you get that bike up this way.
My eyes just popped!
Great story and rated R for violence.
But I want to hear the boring part! Did she get arrested? I used to bar hop, in Florida no less, and haven't been there or done that in decades. I really enjoyed this story.
GLou, Funny, but false.

ChiGuy, Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

Delia, Mostly false, No fights, I can still run when I have to.

MPeg, Sorry, Made up the good parts.

Jane smithie, I've seen a lot of this sort of thing over the years. From what I've seen at least half of the women turn on the intervener. It happened to me years ago.

Fire eyes. I've witnessed a lot of this sort of thing, too. And if you're in construction, then you know what I'm talking about.

Smithery, Thanks for the visit. Glad you liked the tale.

Lea, I remember Eastwood popping a girl in a Dirty Harry movie. (I think) But I can't remember which one. And I actually have a little bit of work lined up, so I'm in pretty good spirits right now. Fingers crossed.

Marple, There's a movie already? Maybe we could get a You Tube video going!

Coyote, Thanks for the backup. Brewski's isn't nearly as bad as I make it out to be. It's more like the local "Cheers" without the class.

Miss Dickens,You crack me up! NYT travel section. Never figured you for the rowdy type. Hehe.
Down here we like to say, "Show up on vacation, Leave on probation!" Every town needs a Motto.

LadyFarmerjed, I made the whole thing up. I'm not half the man I used to think I was. I'm old enough now that I can use age as an excuse for getting my butt kicked.

Thanks, ZumaGirl! Although this never happened to me I was inspired by similar events.

Bill, It's fiction based on facts from times gone by, but I could see this happening. Actually I have seen this happen.

Stim, I always take care of the bartenders. It's just a rule I have. I've worked the bar before. Not as easy as it looks, but can be a lot of fun.

DeepCleave31, Thanks for stopping by and I'm with you all the way.

Aoafedotcom, That's quite a moniker. A girl like that could not only beat me, but also eat me. Some girls are scary.

MAWB, Not true. I've given Brewski's a bad rap that they really don't deserve. I just took some liberties, but they will never know. I mention blogging and get nothing but eye rolls in that place. Hehehe! They don't even know that they're famous!

Buffy, Thanks sweetie! Maybe I'll throw some more stuff like this together. I usually don't write many stories, though I do have a few.

Dorinda, How are you? Yeah, the poor little guy in the story. But he did pick her to be with. Love. Ain't it great?!

Susan Mitchell, I wasn't really involved in the fracas, but I would think that being a woman does not give a person a free pass. I've been battered by a woman before and got arrested for it, so I know that it can happen. I'll write about that someday and it won't be fiction.

Ardee, Yep! South Florida!!!

Laurel! I'm not so sure. I could get drunk at the keyboard and stub my toe. That would hurt.

Cartouche, I'm lucky that I still heal quickly. All better. Usually if I get injured, I do it to myself. I'm a bit clumsy and I make up for it by being clutsy.

Sirenita, I'd party with you anytime! I'd never let anyone get the drop on me like that, though. I'm far more aware of what's going on around me than I let on in the story. We'd be just fine. I know when to run.

LadyMiko, Almost missed you! (shame on me)So you've been involved with the same type of thing. It happens. Whatcha gonna do.

Lisa Solod Warren, I'm just practicing my writing skilz. I'm fine on this end.

Gypsy Girl, I'm out of order here. I get that queezy stomach thing too, when something is about to happen. That's the old fight or flight thing. I prefer to flight whenever I can. It doesn't hurt so much the next day.
Dang bitch! I see you got your much anticipated EP! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ahhhhhh.....*wiping tears here*

You just get better and better like a fine wine my friend.
big bully woman sums it up- what an asshole, glad you popped her.
Mike, this is a good story. Congrats on the EP,btw,you did very good writing here.
Lifejust sucks here in Georgia too. No jobs out there.
I feel for you in construction work.
Be well, my friend
hehehe, ok, glad this is fiction :D
Great story, Mike. A story like this earns you a drink. In fact, I know this little bar--well, it's more of a dive, but still... :-)
I'm with Marple, waiting for the movie!!!
Great story, great writing. And you got your EP! happy friday. rated.
Dynomyte, Do stop by! I know some great places. We'll have a blast!

Tom, Your place is still on my bucket list. Having spent time down here I know you've seen some things, too.

Scupper, Put 'em back in before they dry out.

SheepDog, I don't think I ever had an R rating before, thank you!

Latethink, I could make something up, but I've been to the clink before and it really can't hold a readers attention. Glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks!

Cindy Ross, Thank you. I wasn't sure how this would go over with the violence and all. Glad no one is mad at me for posting this.

Gracieou, Can you believe that???Not in my wildest dreams would I expect that to happen and I even busted their chops, so I suppose I owe the editors an apology. I'm Sorry. Now I feel better.

Julie, That just cracked me up. I think I love you!

Mission, Thanks sweetie.Things are tough everywhere, but I am getting a few more crumbs, so maybe we are past the worst of it.

Rob, I Like dives. I'm all in. Let's go!
Great story Michael, I was buying it. Reminds me of a dinner in a rib house in Rochester, NY. I'm by myself as it's a business trip, and the lovely hostess seats me directly in the middle of the restaurant (gee, thanks, nobody will see me here). The next table of 3 guys and 3 girls had obviously been drinking for hours, and hours. One guy (the biggest of the bunch of course) is screaming bloody murder first at the waitress and then the manager, who he tells "I'm gonna kick your fucking ass," blah blah blah. All the while the big drunk guy is standing up bumping into me as I try to shrink into my book of Cheever shorts and become invisible. Thankfully the waitress was an old pro and got the guy out of there with no incident, but if he'd a bumped me one more time...nothing would have happened. I'm a lover not a fighter.
Well I dugg this:
http://digg.com/people/I_Punched_That_Bitch_Right_In_The_Face

Everybody go digg Michael's story of humiliation and pain now!
Cindy Ross, I don't have a Reddit account, though I know I should.
Thank you so much for the effort.You are hilarious!

Mamoore, Hollywood has not contacted me yet, but Bollywood has already turned me down. They want me to change the title to Slumdog Brewski's, but I refused.

Sactogator, That is hilarious! I too, am no fighter. Not much of a lover either, if you ask the wrong people.

Miss Young,Thank you, thank you, and A great Friday to you, too!

GracieLou! Awww. Ya didn't have to do that. (but I'm glad you did)
I don't get that site yet. All this computery stuff confuses me and you totally crack me up! Humility and pain! Hehehehehe! Good one!

Aphrabehn, That might be the hardest word I've ever tried to spell. Took me weeks to learn Hyblaean-Julie. (I knew how to spell Julie) Sounds like your cousin is a tough one. (You, too!) I've seen many a woman over the years that scared the hell out of me. Especially the ones that say, "You have to sleep sometime." Yikes!
I don't know if this is fact or fiction, but I love it!
I bow to your intellect (which is undeniable) and your interestingness (which is also undeniable.)
I'm humbled you're my friend, aren't you?
RATED
This is a keeper. Brilliant piece. Thank you.
Steve Blevins, Mostly fiction. So glad you enjoyed it.Thanks!

Livemonster, Both good picks for the co-starring role. I think you should play the barmaid. She's really pretty, too!

Jane, Isn't that the truth. I've seen so many abusers that never recognize the same thing in themselves. So true.

Victoria, Thank you so much. Thanks for the visit and I'm glad you liked the story. You make me want to write more.
Blue, Skipped right over you, damn. Pre coffee is not a good time to do this. Just visited you Gwyneth post and thought, Yikes I missed my Blue! Thanks, dude you will always be a fav of mine, too!
I harbor a fantasy about Queen Latifah wiping the floor with my French ass.
I ;ove it. Pop the big bitch one time for me. Skanky dike like heffer and that mouse of a man make me want to fight. I wish you would have finished the story. This is the first lengthy blog that I read without saying "how much longer". I'm learning how to blog from guys like you. Even Sam Clements would have liked this one. Damn, I'm fired up. I'm headin out for a drink !!!
WOW!!
This is the first time I've read anything by someone who actually met Ailene Wuornos and lived to tell about it.lol
Damn! ........ ???! ..... Damn! Rated.
Great story! It sounds to me like you "Serge Stormed" her (with apologies to Tim Dorsey).
Rated
Bar life. Sometimes I miss it.

Rated!
Michael - what a great story. You have woven the fact and fiction quite seamlessly, with just the right amount of detail. Keep up the good work!
Brilliant way to make your re-entry into society! I'm hoping they give you a permanent seat of your choice with an engraved plaque on the back.
Mike this had been laughing out loud and not just the polite lol thing.
Late getting here but glad I didn't miss it.
Of course tell the rest!
Very colorful. Rated!
Awesome story!! And if there is a tasering involved, you had better tell us more.
Hilarious, ready for Part II - which really can't be boring if it includes the tasering.
Damn, Michael, never a dull moment with you, dude!
good story, Mike, but it needs a wrap-up that includes the arrest and aftermath, or just a clean getaway

you should try some long-form fiction, especially since the Bush depression leaves you with too much time on your hands anyway, I'd read it for sure
I think we all have times when we want to punch that bitch in the face. Good on you.

Rated.
Oh, My! This is getting far more attention than I ever expected. I actually thought I'd get some negatives about abusing women, so I almost didn't post this. I'm not used to such praise, but I must say it feels really good and I thank you all.

I had no intention of writing a follow up, but give me some time and maybe I can come up with something. Usually my posts die a slow and painful death. Thank you all, again. Much appreciation on this end.
Since I'm from a bit north of where you are, I don't know where this Brewski's is...but I'll give it a wide berth. Great story and superb writing as always!
I guess you used the right kind of glue! Look at those views!!! Excellent work. You set this one up beautifully. All those initial details - really, you had me convinced right up until I realized you were claiming to be out barhopping on your Harley. And even after that I wondered. You're bad.
Glad this is mostly fiction.
Still, when you're being pummeled it's OK to fight back. It doesn't matter if it's by a man, woman or eskimo on a walrus. I would never encourage starting a fight but there's honor in ending one.
Holy Cow. Which I guess I mean half literally. Love the ending.
yeah, but did you get her number?
great, funny, engaging story--you must keep this one going--give us more updates from Brewskis--maybe you, in a different dive each week, getting into bar fights...
EEK!!

:D

Rated of course for, staying at home!! Oh my yes!!
Ah, fiction.

Sometimes it feels good and right to punch someone in the jaw/nose/eye. I've downed a few men who outmassed me by a sig. amt. , and in one case was more than a foot taller (hopefully this era of my life is over), and damned if that didn't feel like hitting home runs. I had to stop myself from kicking them while they were down. So yeah, violence is bad - it's too much fun when you do it right, and totally not worth it when you don't hit your opponent's sweet spot.
This was a really great read, quite compelling in the telling. With a little more grunge and dirt you would be in Harry Crews, Bukowski territory. rated with a schooner of bud. (:
Once someone hits you, I don't care what their gender is. Drop their ass. I'm glad you did. She deserved it!
What a story Michael. And I'm glad it's only part true. This is the work of a great story teller who takes truth from their personal lives and creates a story that packs a punch. And you earned an EP and a high rating. Yeah Michael!
I worked in a bar for years and I've seen it all. There is nothing scarier than some big mama going for her little man.
See, this is why I've always thought that blanket rule about a male should never hit a female was bullshit. I've known a few girls like that. Grew up fighting with them. Good story.
A-MAZING! story.
HOW many did you say you had that evening, while riding around your on a motorcycle? You could have done a lot more damage with that bike than the biggest woman in the world can do with her fists.
Great story. You live life well. Otherwise, it can be boring. Maybe you will meet that someone someday. Your humor may carry you a long way. One of those steamy nights in Florida may prove well for you. Meanwhile, practice laughter and liveliness. Smile and practice bedroom eyes.
I can' believe that actually happened? Where do you live? Boy have I lived a sheltered life. Seriously, you have nothing to feel bad about when you hit her! She deserved it...both of the punches. Heck, you were just defending yourself from this beast!
I totally want to hear about the arrest and taser. Please write more!

BTW, it is good advice to stay out of a Mad Woman's way. I have been a Mad Woman and I can attest that people trying to make it better ALWAYS make it worse.
Okay I'm just commenting now so that I can say I was the 100th comment! Bitch!
Dang! I thought it was real. Very funny story. "You need to learn to keep that guard up, honey" lol! I could just picture the whole scene. Perfectly written
Rated
you are so naughty ... I was totally in the moment .. right there with you in that bar, hell I was ready to pop her one! Great job, MR ... even though it was one big trick~ I LOVED IT!
This would make an Awesome 22-minute movie.
GREAT writing!
Did no one scroll down the story where he mentioned it was fictional? Doesn't matter because Michael can write! Please write a novel. Please.