I used to eat a lot of natural

foods until I learned that most

people die of natural causes. 

There are two kinds of

pedestrians: the quick and the

dead. 

Life is sexually transmitted. 

Healthy is merely the slowest

possible rate at which one can

die. 

The only difference between a

rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel

stupid someday, lying in

hospitals dying of nothing. 

Have you noticed since

everyone has a camcorder

thesedays no one talks about

seeing UFOs like they used to? 

Whenever I feel blue, I start

breathing again. 

All of us could take a lesson

from the weather. It pays no

attention to criticism. 

In the 60's, people took acid to

make the world weird. Now the

world is weird and people take

Prozac to make it normal.

 How is it one careless match

can start a forest fire, but it takes

a whole box to start a campfire? 

Who was the first person to look

at a cow and say, 'I think I'll

squeeze these dangly

things and drink whatever

comes out?' 

Why does your OB-GYN leave

the room when you get

undressed if they are going to

look up there anyway?
 

If quizzes are quizzical, what are

tests? 

If corn oil is made from corn,

and vegetable oil is made from

vegetables, then what is baby oil

made from? 

Do illiterate people get the full

effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the

inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you

gave me your email address?