Have you ever wondered what the difference is betweenGrandmothers and Grandfathers?
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time - just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little
girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather. 'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, and do you know what? We didn't see a single asshole, dumb bastard, dipshit or horse's ass anywhere we went today!'
Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst of premonitions, he opened the envelope, with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for aids so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the Report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
Finally, a computer error message
We are in trouble...
The population of this country is 300 million. 160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal Government.
Leaving 20 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that Leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people
That leaves just two people to do the
You and me.
And there you are sitting on your ass at
your computer, reading jokes.. Nice.
Real nice. :)
Have a Great Labor Day Weekend.
You Deserve it!